Since you asked.. Men and Dating.

Apparently, sometimes it takes a goddamn backhoe to level the playing field.

Here are some things to avoid when talking to women, whether in person, email, chat, or text, that we women assume you'll avoid if you really want to talk to us. Never make an assumptions, I guess.

- Don't Blow Your Wad -

By that, I mean don't spend more than you can afford on a fun night out. What the hell did you THINK I meant? Flashing your money around makes a woman feel like you're trying to "buy" her, and it makes you come across as either arrogant or highly insecure, even in non-dating situations. I'm sure this comes as a surprise to some men.. those "some" men being the type that see us women as ravenous, wallet-devouring beasts. It's okay. Some of us are. It's not any sort of way to be, but women can be this way for a variety of reasons, all of which should indicate to you that she's got problems and is not someone you should date. Some of these reasons are as follows:

- She's got a bad history of being taken advantage of, and she's hell-bent on not letting it happen again.

- She's got a bad history of being taken advantage of, and she's exacting revenge.

- She is immature and not a good candidate yet for an adult relationship

- She is irresponsible and inconsiderate

- She relies on single friends and the Lifetime/Oxygen network for dating advice. Prolonged watching of either of them will leave her with a rough expectation that all men are either rapists/cheaters/beaters and you should put them through hoops to ward off any man who isn't a shoe-buying, oblivious, opinionless drone. Extra points if you dump the drone for a bad boy and make the drone go through hell to get you back. That always makes for good drama.

- She's a Barbie looking for her Ken. She's high-maintenance, passive-aggressive, pretends to put you in control, but let's face it.. the Dream House and the Convertible is always packaged with WHOSE name on the box?

If you're still convinced that this is ALL women, and you base this on your own dating experience, it might behoove you to examine any similarities between the women you've dated. You're probably seeking a woman like this out, and then getting mad about it later. Next time you have an instinct about some girl being perfect for you, try to find a woman who is her exact opposite. You'll probably be happier in the long run, and you might actually have a relationship MAKE IT to the "long run". Some of the "emotional baggage" reasons that I gave are usually temporary conditions, so if you see something special in a woman who seems to suffer from one of the first three issues I described, she might very well be over that phase in a few months. Give it a try again later. She might feel better and be less inclined to make you a part of her rebound process if you wait.

If you ARE trying to impress a woman, you'll do a lot better by taking her on a "low pressure" date, that you can spiff up without breaking your bank. Mainly, take her somewhere that's clean and well-lit. Don't OVERLOAD the date if you can't really afford it. Stick with dinner and maybe drinks, instead of dinner and a movie and somewhere with a big-ass cover charge. It's about QUALITY, not quantity. You're trying to warm her up, not blow off her freakin' eyebrows.

- Don't Be A Cheap Bastard, Be a Clever Bastard -

This MIGHT sound like a direct contradiction to the previous point, but it's not. I said "don't spend more than you can afford". There's a big and obvious difference between draining your bank account to party like a rockstar for ONE date, and expecting a woman to enjoy a first dinner date consisting of items off the dollar menu at McDonalds.

If you don't have a lot of money, then you need to slow your roll. If you're too impatient to try and arrange some casual non-date meetups for beverages of some variety or another (coffee, cocktails, whatever), then you're not going to get to know the woman well enough to determine if you DO want to spend the money on a nice dinner or event. If you barely know a woman and manage to talk her into a date, every thing you do on that date is going to be making a major impression because of the importance placed on the event. It's now a "date", rather than a "hey, I'm going to be over at _______ on Thursday night because I like the band that's playing. Maybe I'll see you?"

There are lots of things out there to do that don't cost an arm and a leg, and a woman who wants to be with you would be happy to go do them with you. I don't play golf, but I was overjoyed to go play (TERRIBLY, I might add) with a man I liked a lot who asked me to go with him. It's what he did with his time, and I was really happy that he wanted me to be part of that. We went to a really cheap little public course and had a blast. Now, bear in mind.. it was ME, so I acted like I was going to run him down with the cart a few times and made him let me drive it. Still, both of us had a good time. We met out places where there was live music, we got to know each others' friends and had fun hanging out as a group. We stopped dating because he and I just didn't click, but at least we had fun going places together. He took me out to some very nice places too, but I didn't expect him to just pony up the dough right offhand to "impress" me. Oh, and we did have pretty good sex.

I know that's what some of you are wondering. If it "went anywhere", and yes.. OH yes, it did.

-  You Asked Her Out, You'd BETTER Have A Plan -

If you ask a woman to go on a date, how in the HELL do you not know what you're going to go do on that date? Inex-fucking-cuseable. When you meet up for that date and you say "I dunno, what do you want to do?", you've made it abundantly clear that you're not interested enough in her to come up with an plan. If you haven't come up with a single idea, that tells her that while she was excitedly anticipating this date, you just woke up and realized it was Friday and time to go somewhere. A man without a plan is really unappealing, and it also makes the woman feel like she's made herself to accessible to you before she's even had the chance to get to know you.

If you ever want to get laid, you will have well-laid plans. This includes having a back-up plan in case your original plan gets rained out/sold out/otherwise cancelled.

- You Got 99 Problems But A Bitch Ain't One -

I really can't believe that this even has to be discussed, but you guys keep shooting yourself in the foot with this one SO often that it's worth mentioning.

Don't talk about dating. Don't talk about how you date, and why all your other dates have failed, and most of all don't tell a woman that you have a method of dealing with women, in general. A woman has a pretty solid method of dealing with a man who says shit like that, and that is to boot his ass as hard as she can into her "Never Again! PS: Tell girlfriends about THIS douchebag" pile of would-be suitors.

I'll put it to you this way... we all know that during the course of anyone's life, there will be numerous relationships, heartache, and the accumulation of baggage. No one's perfect, but some people handle these life events better than others, and thus, some people are a bit more stable. Unstable people make everyone nervous. If you were to end up at the Post Office and the person waiting on you looked twitchy and detached, you'd probably get the hell out of there before the shotgun came from behind the counter, fully expecting it to, in fact, BE behind the counter for just the time that Mr. Overburdened Postman finally handled one too many sacks of mail and flipped the fuck out.

That's kind of what you look like when you talk about all the bad shit that women have heaped upon you in your life. Any woman sober enough to pay attention is going to get the FUCK away from you before she inadvertently becomes that one mail-sack too many. By indicating this much pent-up anger and hurt over all the ills caused you by women in the world, it also makes the woman feel like you're laying "traps" so that you can blame her too, for whatever accidental or imagined slight you're undoubtedly going to accuse her of.

If you're trying to get close to a woman, she's going to be a lot more receptive if you let her know that you respect her individuality. Shit, man.. LIE if you have to. Start lumping everyone with ovaries into one group and talk about them like they're an illogical, predatory, different species, and you're going to offend the ovary-bearing individual in front of you. You're going to make her nervous, or even afraid of that obvious hostility you have toward (what seems to her) every woman you can think to talk about. Phrases that sound anything like these will knock you out of the running for any woman who might actually be worth your time:

"See, the trick to dealing with women is.."
"I don't let women do _______"
"Oh, you wouldn't believe how awful my last four dates were.."
"Women are ____ because they don't understand.."
"My dating strategy is..."
"My ex was a real piece of work.."
"I hate my (really, insert anything here, It doesn't matter. You're already Debbie Downer, so go nuts)"

Really? You want to let someone you're interested in know that you've been so unsuccessful at this that you've had the time to develop a "strategy"?

- Don't Be a Bully -

So, picture this. You go out to dinner with a woman you're really into, and the waiter just can't seem to get his shit straight. The guy messes up your drink orders, brings stuff late and cold, and forgets to come back to the table at regular intervals. One of the first reactions you might have would be to make an issue of it. After all, you're trying to impress this girl, so why not take this opportunity to stand up for her? STAND UP FOR HER AND THOSE CURLY FRIES THAT CAME OUT COLD, DAMMIT!

You're better off to remain calm and act like it's no big deal. Make sure you do what you can to get your order straight, politely and discreetly talk to the manager if you must, but DON'T give her any indication that you're agitated. Women take a bad service situation as an opportunity to see how you treat people when conflict arises, and it's a big deal. Being rude or aggressive to someone who's serving you is going to make you look like an asshole, and assholes don't get another date. The woman who thinks that this kind of behavior is "charming" and takes your macho act as chivalry, is also trying to figure out how much disposeable income you have to spend on her.

PS: If you're covering the check and doing so politely and discreetly, you don't have to tip that piece of shit waiter. Just don't make a big freakin' deal about either covering the check or tipping him, and she'll never know. If you're covering the check and you pretend to go into cardiac arrest when you look at the bill, it doesn't count. You might as well have gone dutch and saved yourself some money.

- Don't Criticize -

The really great thing about dating is that you're only committed for that one date, that one time, unless you ask the woman out for another one. If you've got even constructive criticism for the woman you're dating, then you can place your concern in one of two categories:

Not really important

and

Deal-breaker

Neither of these concerns are worth bringing up on a date. It's a "date" not an intervention. Either let it go or don't go out with her anymore. Anything in between is really none of your fucking business unless you're thinking about marrying her.