Yes, I was asked to do this. I figure, what the hell? Might reach some pissy broads like myself who are extra pissy because they're short on time to access the internet.
Enjoy, Kindlers!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
"Not Really" Is Still "No". One Man's Introspective Article
Anyone who has read this blog can easily detect my feminism within a few posts. It's not something I hide, I don't consider "feminism" a bad word, and I don't use feminism as a way to assault men. As a feminist, I tend to worry less about what men are doing, and find myself most often taking offense at the behaviors of other women who want to reap the rewards of feminism while abandoning the personal responsibility of earning them.
That being said, I'm not a mysogynist. Sexual politics within any culture are complex by nature, built upon historical, religious, economical, and other factors. To unravel an issue, means that one must take the time to untie all of the good intentions and practical measures that somehow developed into a likely unintentional problem. With the efforts of many individuals on different ends of the discussion, there can be some understanding and resolution.
This is why I ADORE you, Hugo Schwyzer.
His bio, from his website:
"Hugo Schwyzer is an American author, speaker and professor of history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. He presents workshops on body image, sexual harassment, rape prevention, and the “myth of male weakness.” He is also a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio programs and has appeared on CNN and CTV (Canada) as an expert on body image, sexuality and gender justice."
I came across one of Mr. Schwyzer's articles today, and simply HAD to share it..
From "Accidental rape. I knew I hadn't committed a crime but..."
"Most “good guys” take a woman’s firm “No!” for an answer. (Those who don’t are best left to the ministrations of our criminal justice system.) But lots of men are like the guy I was at 19—assuming that while “no means no” anything short of a firm “no” is either a “yes” or a “keep at it, boy, because you just might get a ‘yes’ soon.” Call it male sexual legalism, the first rule of which is “All that is not expressly prohibited is assumed to be permitted.” That legalism can turn many men into accidental rapists"
We need more of this guy, and less of this guy..
The Feminine Context
That being said, I'm not a mysogynist. Sexual politics within any culture are complex by nature, built upon historical, religious, economical, and other factors. To unravel an issue, means that one must take the time to untie all of the good intentions and practical measures that somehow developed into a likely unintentional problem. With the efforts of many individuals on different ends of the discussion, there can be some understanding and resolution.
This is why I ADORE you, Hugo Schwyzer.
His bio, from his website:
"Hugo Schwyzer is an American author, speaker and professor of history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. He presents workshops on body image, sexual harassment, rape prevention, and the “myth of male weakness.” He is also a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio programs and has appeared on CNN and CTV (Canada) as an expert on body image, sexuality and gender justice."
I came across one of Mr. Schwyzer's articles today, and simply HAD to share it..
From "Accidental rape. I knew I hadn't committed a crime but..."
"Most “good guys” take a woman’s firm “No!” for an answer. (Those who don’t are best left to the ministrations of our criminal justice system.) But lots of men are like the guy I was at 19—assuming that while “no means no” anything short of a firm “no” is either a “yes” or a “keep at it, boy, because you just might get a ‘yes’ soon.” Call it male sexual legalism, the first rule of which is “All that is not expressly prohibited is assumed to be permitted.” That legalism can turn many men into accidental rapists"
We need more of this guy, and less of this guy..
The Feminine Context
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Rick Perry 's Hilarious Episode Of Cranial Flatulence
Direct link to video HERE
At the start of this clip, Perry drawls on about how "we've got to have a PLAN". Yes! Watch as he asserts himself in "action mode", declaring that there are THREE agencies he would do away with immediately as President.
If only he could remember which three they are..
Ron Paul's actually happy, for once, to be standing next to him. In case voters feared that senility might accompany Paul's age, "HEY, take a look at this guy here!".
BONUS: Herman Cain and Mitt Romney struggling to avoid schoolgirl-style giggle fits
The Feminine Context
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Saga Of The Sodden Stay-At-Home Moms
This is an actual facebook conversation, saved, names and identities removed. These are women whose "job" within the structure of their family is to stay home and care for their children. I seriously doubt their husbands get to drink at THEIR jobs.
I am a stay at home mother with about a billion other irons in the fire from working online, and somehow, it never occurs to me to get trashed while my child is under my care. I posted a bit about this phenomena HERE and HERE, and every time I think I was being unreasonable, I see something else that makes my stomach turn.
I hate to think of what these women would have to say about babysitters or teachers or childcare workers who drank "socially" or to "relax" while at their jobs. So what makes it different when the drinking is done by mom at home? Why is it "cute" because they're saying "glass of wine"? What if they said "Jack& Coke" or "Jello Shots"? It's the same thing except the public idea is that jello shots are stronger, so more caution might be taken when it came to pounding em down. I sincerely doubt anyone would find it remotely classy that women who don't work and bring in an income for the family are watching their kids hammered on whiskey or vodka, but somehow when it's wine, it's suburban chic?
Are we actually lamenting the fact that no one can get away with popping Valium like its candy? While caring for children?
The Feminine Context
I am a stay at home mother with about a billion other irons in the fire from working online, and somehow, it never occurs to me to get trashed while my child is under my care. I posted a bit about this phenomena HERE and HERE, and every time I think I was being unreasonable, I see something else that makes my stomach turn.
I hate to think of what these women would have to say about babysitters or teachers or childcare workers who drank "socially" or to "relax" while at their jobs. So what makes it different when the drinking is done by mom at home? Why is it "cute" because they're saying "glass of wine"? What if they said "Jack& Coke" or "Jello Shots"? It's the same thing except the public idea is that jello shots are stronger, so more caution might be taken when it came to pounding em down. I sincerely doubt anyone would find it remotely classy that women who don't work and bring in an income for the family are watching their kids hammered on whiskey or vodka, but somehow when it's wine, it's suburban chic?
The Feminine Context
Monday, November 7, 2011
Parents Generation v. Current Generation
Borrowed from the FABULOUS TequilaxMockingbird, the "Will" to my "Grace", who got it from God knows where.. hilarious in how tragically accurate it is..
The Feminine Context
The Feminine Context
Sunday, November 6, 2011
God Save The Teens: An Intervention
This is an actual Facebook-comment conversation I had with my niece the other night. It is at times like this that I'm grateful for the long, lonely, isolated adolescence I experienced as a home-schooled student. At least I never had the opportunity to pick up dumbass habits like this.
Names and identifying information removed. Kids, if no one's slapped you for abusing the English language like this, please do what's right and slap the holy shit out of YOURSELF.
The Feminine Context
Names and identifying information removed. Kids, if no one's slapped you for abusing the English language like this, please do what's right and slap the holy shit out of YOURSELF.
The Feminine Context
More Questionable And Hilarious Products As Reviewed By TFC
For the most part, I really don't like to go shopping. To hell with crowds and overhead lighting. Most of my problem with shopping is that paying a store's label price really eats away at some portion of my penny-pinching, price-comparing soul. Besides, shopping offline limits one to a PG-rated experience, bland and devoid of the rich (and often ridiculous) wide-open internet marketplace. Only that kind of "free market" could allow for products like this..
The Baggy Winecoat
It's Sex and the City, bitches! Now, available everywhere you can take a purse and a morally-casual attitude towards your increasing alcohol dependency, which would be.. well, everywhere with THIS handy and stylish bag. We all know that closet alcoholism is coming back in style (also mirrored here at OpenSalon), especially among the suburban soccer mom set. Go all Martha Stewart on this swag by taking the label off one of your fancy purses and affixing it to this lovely wine-in-a-box tote, adding class and sophistication to your new wine-swilling accessory! For extra points, make sure the purse that you rip the label off of is one of those that costs the equivalent of the average American's monthly housing payment. If it's not EXCESS, it's not SUCCESS! Sure, one of those heifers from the PTA is bound to point out that it's not Prada, but after a refill or two into those seemingly innocuous Dixie-cups, she won't give a damn anymore and neither will you.
PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.
PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.
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Arm-Shapers
Okay, so everyone has a few baggy places they'd like to tighten up, after all.. everyone has this idea that they want to be lean and slim and .. what the holy hell ?
Padded Butt Enhancing Panties
... and the winner for best product to ensure lifelong emotional scarring when found in mom's laundry.. ASS-PILLOW PANTIES! Remember all of those helpful, hurtful, degrading dieting and fitness tips, ladies? The ones mom shared out of maternal concern, sharp and cutting, letting you know that the source of life's happiness is found only in the reduction of your derriere? ALL LIES!!! LIES, I TELL YOU! The old broad was coveting your bountifulness the entire time!!! She was trying to bring you down! Down to her assless level! Apparently, curves actually ARE where it's at! Unless you have them in the wrong places, I suppose. Too much curvature in those places requires management and a barrier method, such as..
You know how you avoid unwanted toe? It's not in buying a prosthetic "Barbie Crotch" (as xojane.com so lovingly put it). It's really simple. Quit trying to shove your size 16 ass into those size 6 pants. Remember, your bubble-butt is obviously a desirable physical characteristic if there are actually "shapewear" products ugly as sin that are designed to try and mimic it. I'd say to embrace your big ass, except people's spines don't actually twist in such a way that its physiologically possible. It occurs to me, that the combined effort of all of this "shapewear" (arm shapers, butt/hip pads, and vulva-flattening devices of your choice) could easily result in a new female form that looks something like this:
Sexy, huh?
There are plenty of unnatural and disturbing ways to alter your body, and some of them are pretty interesting..
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Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye
Jesus H. Christ... Rome is burning and we're worried about how well the carpet matches the drapes?
The best part is the actual product description:
(I suppose this is the "consumer-friendly" way of telling you that it won't burn your pubes off)
Natural looking.
(Note: This is the product description for a bottle of ULTRA-VIOLET colored pubic hair dye)
Covers gray.
(Just about as well as those other purple and blue shades that Gramma uses on her HEAD)
Lasts about four-five weeks.
(Which is about four to four and a half weeks longer than it takes for the average person to come off of a bender and wonder what the fuck possessed them to dye their pubes freakin' purple)
No drip - no mess formula.
(God, if only vaginas came with that sort of user assurance..)
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Now, for something completely harmless and adorable.. take a look at THIS cute little guy!
But it's not. It's a stuffed toy made in the likeness of a molecular view of HPV. It comes with a tag that bears an actual molecular image of the virus, and a brief description. It's marketed as an educational toy. The one below is a plush-toy representation of chlamydia.
Who knew chlamydia had such cute little buggy eyes?? Immediately following Chlamydia is HIV, a serious looking little microbe who's donning a sporty and socially-conscious red awareness ribbon.
I know I'm a sick bitch and all, but somehow I kind of like the plushie microbes. Huzzah for internet shopping and the assurance that I don't have to stand in line at a register while people judge me by my bizarre purchases. haha.
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