Statement of Purpose

Hello.

This blog is intended to be interesting to both men and women, due to its emphasis on male/female communication.

If I go on writing in this blog with the same dryness contained in that description, it will no doubt be interesting to NO ONE.

So.. let's just get this out of the way.

This blog will probably be updated in a somewhat random fashion, but I'm REALLY going to try and do it with some sort of regularity. I've attempted to maintain several blogs over the years, but like houseplants, I just can't seem to keep them alive. This time, I think I've got a topic that's entertaining enough to ME that it can keep my interest. We'll see.

Right now, it's September of 2011, and come September of 2014 you might run across this blog with a total of 15 posts that end abruptly in October of 2011. If that's YOU and you're reading this in 09/2014 and I've killed another potentially fun blog through pure neglect.. well, to hell with you and your judgments! I at least left a trace of myself to float out in the e-cosmos, probably with as many bad puns and puerile humor as I could possibly shove into the pitiful number of posts this blog contains. For like, ten minutes worth of reading, I WAS SOMEBODY... that you probably didn't want to hang out with... BUT I WAS STILL SOMEBODY, DAMMIT!

Tirade break.

In case anyone is wondering, I'm female, over 30, and an avid bullshit-enthusiast. Some have called me an "artist", but as far as bullshit is concerned, I really consider myself more of a hobbyist. Perhaps a connoisseur of fine bullshit artistry. Believe it or not, this rambling preamble is actually leading to the point of this blog. Points, really.

Point One :

Men and Women are different. Their BRAINS are wired differently. They have equal needs, usually the same needs, but they communicate, learn, and prioritize differently from one another.

Point Two :

This causes a lot of problems. A lot. A lot of problems that could potentially be avoided by keeping Point One in mind before anyone says ANYTHING to ANYBODY.

What I plan (hah.. "plan") to do with this blog is to effectively illustrate these two points, as often and obnoxiously as I possibly can. I plan to assist you men out there by decoding the subtle, hidden messages that the women around you are lobbing at you at every possible opportunity. You know how your mom/sister/ex/current/female friend is constantly trying to tell you that so-and-so is a total bitch? Believe it or not, she probably is. However, its pretty dumb to make decisions based on one person's interpretation of this hidden, foreign language. I think it would be better to work on a sort of "travel phrase" guide here, just so you get some idea of what the HELL is going on between the women around you. Trust me, its enough to scare you NOT straight.

Ladies? I'm not forgetting you. Men are loading you down with the same type of conversational manure that they are mired in as a result of our communication differences. Between us girls... well, let's be honest, we're not getting ANYWHERE trying to translate it together. All of our girls nights out are loaded with questions.. questions about men. Usually we're in a small group of women without enough testosterone between us to support ONE testicle, let alone the fact that we're all squawking the same damn questions at each other. It doesn't help that our groups diminish and repopulate based on a bunch of illogical assumptions about what some other girl "meant by that". It could be something as simple as a facial expression. An item of clothing that someone deems inappropriate. Talking to the wrong man or talking to him at the wrong time. It could be anything. We will recognize it as some great personal (or worse) group insult. We will ostracize that girl within an inch of her life, and bring her back only when she has been sufficiently punished for that thing that ACTUALLY meant this other thing that was SO GODDAMN OFFENSIVE that we were momentarily motivated to burn her for the bitch witch she was ...

.. FOR WEARING THAT BLOUSE WHEN SARA WAS TRYING TO TALK TO THAT GUY THAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW. OMG.

Yes, men. It is that bad. Shame on us. Shame on you guys for running about willy-nilly in a gender-integrated world and not realizing the intensity of the female-to-female interactions that go on around you at all times.

Shame on all of us for not being honest. Shame on us for playing this retarded game that makes no one happy.

Maybe, if I can stay interested long enough, I can dig a couple gold nuggets out of the giant shit-pile of confusion that we all work so hard to build, dividing us a species into two, confused, bitter groups of people who aren't getting laid and don't like each other most of the time. I can give it a try.