E-tarded: A Night to De-Member

*This post has undergone a much-needed edit and is being published again to better clarify my intentions

Okay, guys.

WTF?

I just got off the phone with a female friend of mine. Our conversation was about your penis.

Yes, yes it was.

Before she called me, she had been happily chatting with YOU. She was a little excited, thinking that you were attractive and fun, and that it seemed like things were moving along nicely toward the point that she could find herself comfortable enough to consider pulling out her best moves in the sexual encounter that she could now picture herself engaging in with you. She was starting to think about having sex with you, because you had made it to her intellectual second base and now she was picturing you naked. Oh, how close you came, buddy.

But you blew it. You blew it big time.

You did something so horrendously inappropriate that she felt compelled to call me and ask me just what in the hell she should do now.

Guys, honestly... This is a problem. You can't just whip it out. I don't understand why, but there is obviously a lot of confusion about this issue. Let's just try to clear it up now, okay?

You can't do it in public. If you do, you're legally considered a sexual predator and can be arrested for it. It is considered unsolicited sexual behavior, etc...

But let's just break it down, alright?

It's just not polite to point. It's REALLY impolite to point at certain areas of a person's body, and that appendage of yours has a pretty accurate guidance system. Besides which, women kind of put phalluses in the same threat category as vampires in that they aren't supposed to comfortably move about in daylight, religious symbolism is supposed to AT LEAST slow them down, and they can't come in unless they're invited. Start operating outside of those standards, and you do to the dating game what 28 Days Later did to zombies; you now have something inflamed and enraged that you can't even outrun, AND IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FREAKIN' WORK THAT WAY.

Unless we specifically get freaky and ASK you for a picture of your member, sending it to us will upset us on a number of levels. It may surprise you to learn that what often upsets us the most is the massive responsibility that you've thoughtlessly heaved onto the unsuspecting woman who's now in a staring match with Mr. Cyclops.

Pray tell, O man, what is the response that you're expecting?

Try to think with the big head for just a second. Okay, good.. now that the blood is flowing back into the area of your body that is (supposedly) where your seat of empathy lies, try to put yourself in the sweaty pumps of your potential partner. What in the FUCK is she supposed to say when you abruptly STOP talking and start just hanging out the one part of your body that you are the most emotionally fragile about? It is, at once, both the most disrespectful shortcut to her girlie parts that you could possibly take, and the greatest self-inflicted punishment a man could dream up, and you've left the determination between those two extremes solely at the discretion of the stunned woman who didn't plan on talking to your dick today.

If you're sadist or a masochist, or you're looking for a sadist or a masochist, then MAYBE this could be a really quick way of getting through a singles event. Even then, its kind of a dick move (pardon the pun).

Again, I implore you to look at this from our perspective. Prematurely exposing your most private of parts is interpreted by a woman as a "put out or get out" alert, and it usually comes at time that she's just getting a tingle of sexual attraction to you. You've as good as told her that you're not interested in getting to know her anymore and you're not wasting another breath talking to her unless she takes a good look at your dick and says "yeah, I'll just hop right on that". Most women will not declare themselves ready for boarding just at the sight of dick, and if they do, there is something wrong with her. Either she's got boundary issues that will manifest themselves into various degrees of psychosis in the near future, or she's got other souvenirs to give you that you're not going to want cluttering up your travel-bags later on.

In order to make it clear that she is NOT a slut or anything like what I described in the previous paragraph, she cannot be too positive in whatever she says about the unexpected penis before her. She ALSO knows that if she says anything negative, it could end the relationship then and there when you shrink up like a scared turtle. More than that, given the extreme sensitivity that men exhibit at ANY and EVERYTHING related to their penises, she's not sure if you're going to come away from this with a permanent wound that she didn't mean to inflict.

How is this fair, man? You guys flip out about your independence and freedom when we ask why you didn't call, as though we were trying to shove a GPS tracking device in your anus. We're usually asking because you usually call. When you didn't, we were probably concerned for a variety of reasons, not the least of which include "Oh shit, is he dead? This guy texts me fifteen times a day and today I haven't heard from him in ten hours". Goddamn.. how dare we forget to read your mind and understand that THIS is the day you were going to pretend that you're Rambo and you're going into the bush (haaa..) for two weeks and can't be contacted til all the bad guys are little smouldering bloody piles in the jungle.

See, in one situation, we're expected to extricate ourselves with all the precision of a neurosurgeon, carefully avoiding any damage to the highly sensitive areas that we now can't HELP but be in direct contact with. In the other, if we show the slightest bit of concern when a situation moves from "status: normal" to "WTF", we're treated like soul-sucking harpies, hell-bent on emasculating you by demanding that you show us common courtesy.

This sexual faux-pas seems to happen more often than ever, what with the ready availability of camera phones. Before everyone had cameras in their phones, there were digital cameras and chatrooms. I had a few girlfriends that used to hang out in the same online social areas that I did, and between us, we had pictures of almost every guy who frequented that same area. We went so far as to play "Guess That Screenname!", trying to match the dick to the dickhead who sent it. This is not as cold and cruel a practice as you guys might think. This was us, making the best out of an awkward and uncomfortable situation. We felt lucky to have each other, because at least we had someone to bounce a sample response off of whenever cock would invariably show up in our inboxes, with little to no warning of its arrival.

Which leaves me where I am today. Having gone through an entire conversation that revolved around:

1: Not hurting a guy's feelings
2: Not being a slut
3: Preserving that guy's chance at ACTUALLY GETTING SOME
4: Trying to appropriately handle an extremely inappropriate situation
5: Justifying the continuation of a heterosexual lifestyle, despite godawful problems like this that come with it.

Oh, and we did talk about length, girth, color, angle, and all of the other shit you're probably worrying about. This was mainly a way to diffuse the discomfort of the situation that this girl had found herself in. Trust me when I say this... unless you've got a serious case of micropenis or there were visible surface abnormalities, we didn't judge you by any of those penile stats that I mentioned.

We DID, however, judge you for sending it to her. That's strike one, provided you haven't done anything even dumber before this. If you're smart, you'll apologize.

Here are some GOOD and BAD ways to try and recover from exposing yourself like the quintessential pervert with a trenchcoat:

-GOOD-
"I'm sorry. That was really impulsive of me. I'm just so turned on by you that I did it without thinking. I hope we can move on from this really out-there thing that I did"

-BAD-
"Now how's about some quid pro quo, baby?"

-GOOD-
"I'm really feeling kind of shy and embarrassed about sending that pic. I want to ask you what you think about it, but it wasn't cool of me to put you on the spot like that"

-BAD-
"Can we fuck now?"

-GOOD-
"Ok, ok... my bad. You don't have to say ANYTHING. Let's let it go, and you will see it in person if and when you WANT to see it. I did something that was very inconsiderate of you and I'm sorry. I just got excited and was being an idiot"

-BAD-
"No, seriously. I need to see a picture of your vagina RIGHT NOW. Unless I can get delivery in 30 minutes or less? Plz?"

In short (and if you're gonna send us a picture of it, you better pray that it ISN'T), COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SENDING US UNSOLICITED DICK PICS?

Thank you. This Public Service Rant has been provided to the general public courtesy of thefemininecontext.blogspot.com, on behalf of MILLIONS OF CREEPED OUT WOMEN WHO MIGHT OTHERWISE HAVE BLOWN YOU... had you not blown it for yourself.

-------

*Bear in mind before you go all OMFG SHE IS SLUT-SHAMING AND OMFG THE RAPE-CULTURE/PATRIARCHAL WRONGNESS.. Trust me, I know. In fact, I completely agree. Unfortunately, all the "wrong" things said here are common things that women think having been indoctrinated by the patriarchal and archaic rape-culture we've been brought up in. This entire post is basically derived from many, many conversations I've had with other women about this subject, including the commonalities between all of those conversations (i.e.; "I can't look like a slut. Was I being slutty? I like him so now what do I do?"). So to clarify a point or two..

- Slut-shaming is wrong. Internalizing it to the point that you'll participate in your own victim-blaming is really messed up. Tragically, one of the first things a woman does when placed in a sexually-charged, undesirable, unwanted situation like this is to check HERSELF for anything she did to deserve what has befallen her. Maybe we need less red, embarrassed female faces and more drinks being thrown into lascivious, expectant asshole man-faces that are awaiting a response.

- Having to tiptoe around an ugly-ass situation that someone ELSE created in an effort to spare that aggressors' feelings is REALLY wrong, and is holding the victim responsible for what the aggressor has foisted upon her. Even worse, this happens to women and girls every day. As a culture, we have so internalized the idea that women bear all sexual responsibility, they often go straight to work trying to salvage a situation that they should remove themselves from (dating a disrespectful prick, for example), and should never have been exposed to (pardon the contextual pun) to begin with.

- Exposing oneself in person is a crime, punishable by law (that is, if you can convince the law you're not a slut who asked for it, which is fucked up). Just because you put Mr. Willy in a digital format instead of actively whipping it out and trying to touch her with it, AND can legally get away with it, doesn't make it any less unwarranted, unwanted, or inappropriate. Keep it in your pants, and by "it", I mean the collective "it" which includes your genitals and the phone or device that contains any pics taken of your genitals.

- I'm sick to death of having conversations with my friends about how best they must navigate the obstacle course of disgusting behaviors they endure out of the obtuse neanderthals they are dating. Here's something worth considering. A logical breakdown.

Following the logic that women have to obsess over every last thing they say, do, wear, etc, because of the commonly accepted idea that men cannot conduct themselves in safe, non-violent, socially acceptable manner when exposed to sexual stimuli in any amount, the idea of locking them up in cages most of the time would be both LOGICAL and SOUND in the interest of protecting women and children. 

If men are so driven by sexual impulse that cannot be trusted to not sexually assault, rape, or become violent/aggressive/unstable when a woman is present, the responsibility falling on the woman/potential victim, I'm guessing we should lock them up like we do anyone else who we (as a society) determine are so likely to harm others if they are free to roam.

I don't want to lock the entire heteronormative male gender in a cage. Maybe it might be a better idea for them to grow the fuck up and start learning to tell themselves, and their penises, "no". That's what human beings are supposed to do when childhood is over and their parents aren't there to tell them "no".

Craigslist of Ridiculous Demands: Men Seeking Women for Godawful Reasons

If ever you are single and feeling down about it, all you need to do is pop over to Craigslist and take a good long look at who's looking for YOU..

Fo' real, bitches. Ten minutes into just scanning over a few posts in "Men Seeking Women" and I was seriously trying to figure out the logistics of getting my vagina stitched shut.

Let's look at some real winners from the Dallas area...

From the ad:

"First of all I'm in the Phoenix area, so if you are what I'm looking for, you'll also have to be willing to move here. It's a nice place actually and great weather. I'm SWM, mid 40s, professional, handsome, successful, 5'11" 185lb, non smoker, light drinker. I own a very nice home (though it could use a woman's touch) and have all kinds of fun toys. My interests include Harleys, Corvettes, Dirt Bikes, Motor Sports, Photography, Guns, Shooting, Home improvement and do it yourself projects. I'm upbeat and like to enjoy my free time as much as possible."

Translation: I GOTS MONIES. YEAH. THAT'LL GET EM.

To elaborate on that point, the man kindly leaves us another picture:

"You'll need to like weekend trips to Vegas or the California coast. I'm Looking for a girlfriend and possibly future wife 18-35 with a figure, no kids and also a lady who might enjoy (or would like to) model for hot high heel, mini skirt theme photos and video. Photography is a huge interest of mine and I'd like to find a partner who enjoys modeling and is very photogenic. Do you like to play dress up and pose for photos or perform for the video camera? Is this something you've fantasized about? Would like to find a husband who encourages your exhibionist tendencies? You are my type if you do. I'll spoil MY girl rotten, hair styling, manicures, pedicures, heels, hot outfits, etc. Yes, everything it takes to make YOU my hot little Model and beautiful girlfriend or wife. Send a pic with reply. You may be just the girl I've been looking for : ) "

Translation: I AM TOTALLY WILLING TO PAY FOR ALL THE SHIT THAT MAKES YOU LOOK AS PLASTIC AS POSSIBLE. THAT IS PRETTY MUCH ALL I AM LOOKING FOR SINCE I HAVEN'T SUGGESTED A SINGLE PERSONALITY TRAIT THAT I AM ALSO LOOKING TO FIND.

"Want huge implants as in DDD to G??? Major bonus points if you do because that's the look I want my woman to have. Yes, you need to want to be a huge boobs hottie!"

There better be a health plan involved, because some bitch is going to undergo early spinal failure trying to hold them things up. Oh, gentleman.. do you also plan on providing steel-reinforced breast scaffolds? Cause anyone with a waist as tiny as you seem to require is going to need some additional support keeping those boobs upright.

OH! and here's another..this guy's looking for a "country gal" who's all about breaking every cardinal rule of meeting someone over the internet..

"Ok so this the deal I am white male 34 years old and I am going on vacation the week of thanksgiving to my parents cabin. Were going to cookout hunt drink beer drink wiskey what ever the night unfolds. So im looking for a country girl that would enjoy this sort of thing this event can be platonic or romantic all depends on are vibe I guess. There are seperate beds and all that so dont have to worry about sleeping together if thats something your worried about. Really just want the company and too have a good time. So taking applicants lol send me email some info on yourself and some pics. Yee Yee!!!!! (Ps some of the pics are from when we have been working on it as we speak so its work in progress lol)..."

Oh, sure.. why not? I'll just pack up mah country bumpkin ass, get in your truck (which I assume you have), and just hit the road on a major family holiday out to your cabin! Yee...

wha?

Oh yeah, there's this picture that opens up the ad..

Three hours outside of town in a half-built cabin with someone I've never met? Yeah, I think I'll pass, buddy... that's a damn Lifetime thriller waiting to happen.

So having been completely creeped out by what Dallas had to offer today, I checked out Knoxville, TN

Then I found this:

Really, the creepiness of this speaks for itself. Even the babies look freaked out..

"Hi, are there any women on here who are at their point in life where they have not found the right person to have a family with, but time is running out for whatever reason and would like to make one now. Not in the next couple of years but rather sooner than later? I am an Asian man in the same boat and looking for someone to make a family or child together. I am not here to play games or beat around the bush. I dont care what race you are or maybe you have a kid already but must be open to having more. Please put "BABY" in the title so I know you are real and not a bot or spam. But more importantly tell me about you and send me some photos of you also, would like to see who I am talking to."

Love how seeing a photo of his breeding stock is a mere footnote to the whole post about impregnating her.. *shudder*

LOVE this one... real dream of a guy...

"Hello and no im not looking just for sex !

If you do drugs please do Not waste my time.

Why do u email me thin never email me back after I reply,,U women are so unpredictable .you all must like playing games!!"

Us women, we're such unpredictable, game-playing sillies! I bet I can predict how many dates you get when you heap the responsibility of all of your bad dating experiences on US! Could it possibly be that your poor grasp of the English language, paired with your excessive, aggressive, desperation-infused use of exclamation points is scaring the ladies away? Oh wait.. he goes on..

"Why is it so hard to find someone these days I will never no,,I dont understand what women want these days.please no judgemental women,,be nice"

You girls will never "no". Le sigh...

From Jenna Marbles.. What Boys Do In The Car..

have I mentioned I love you, Jenna? Cause I do

For anyone reading this through Salon.com, here is a direct link..

3 "Healthy Eating" Trends That Are Usually Anything But

I'm not skinny. I'm not morbidly obese, either. I think I'm a fairly average weight for an American woman in her 30's, but no one's ever really happy with their weight. Sometimes I think I'd like to be able to fit into a ridiculously tiny dress that wouldn't really look good on most people, just as much as the next 30+ year old woman would, but I'm not so obsessed with being thin that I'm going to do some drastic shit that's going to endanger my health. If you have a problem with the size of my ass, then that's entirely YOUR problem. Personally, I have a few things I prioritize a bit higher than what you or anyone else might think of my "bountifulness".

That's me, though. I know that it bothers a lot of people to gain a size or two. Although I can understand the desire to lose weight, I really think that desire becomes more of a psychosis when it leads someone to not only curb their intake of food, but to convince themselves that a dramatic lifestyle change is "healthy". What's more, people in this state of mind will not only go to ridiculous lengths to adhere to this supposedly healthy diet, they'll also become so devoted to it that they believe its their only hope to live a healthy life.

These diet fads are cultism at it's mind-fucking finest. The ideas and philosophies are pitched at people who are at a loss, who feel socially-excluded and vulnerable due to their perceived flaws. The core principles at the heart of these diets have a ring of truth to them, and they make the people who follow them feel a twinge of superiority because they think they've learned some special secret to a better life. They take pride in making whatever sacrifice they're making because it (in their minds) puts them a cut above everyone else. If that's not a recipe for a cult, I don't know what is.

The lifestyle changes adopted to adhere to the diet exclude you FURTHER from the rest of society by way of eliminating the social element to eating. People LIKE to eat together. One of the basic ways that we stay connected or even get to know one another is usually through sharing a meal and conversation together. When you decide to follow a very counter-culture diet that drastically limits what you can and can't eat, it narrows what restaurants you can eat at and whose house you can eat at. If you're vegan, you'll end up reaching out to find other vegans to fill the void you're experiencing from a lack of communal meal options, and to validate your reasons for excluding these opportunities from your life.

3: Low-Fat Diet

This is actually a fairly harmless, albeit fairly ineffective diet. In the short term, reducing fat intake keeps your overall cholesterol levels in check, and makes it easier to maintain your weight. It's not GOOD for your heart to eat nothing but high-fat foods, but its not going to kill you to get a little crazy with the cheez-whiz every now and then. The problem being, as much as the idea of cancer and heart disease prevention is linked in the collective mind of most people and medical professionals, a massive eight year study was done on the effectiveness of a low-fat diet against those diseases and came up with.. well, nothing. The group that ate anything it damn well pleased ended up having the same rate of heart disease and cancer occurrence as the group on a strict low fat, high fiber diet. When I say low-fat, I mean these people were not allowed to have cream cheese on bagels, butter on toast, or even oil in salad dressings. At the end of the study, the occurrences of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and obesity were so similar between both groups, that differences in results between the two were deemed "statistically insignificant".

I'm not suggesting that anyone go chow down on a tub of bacon-flavored lard in celebration of this study, but it probably wouldn't hurt anything to go ahead and have that ice cream after dinner. Apparently, cancer doesn't give a shit about your "rocky road" dependency.

Dietary Cult Risk Rating : 1/10 - Sticking to a low-fat diet doesn't come with a lot of pomp and self-righteousness. It just makes you turn down most offered food in favor of sitting alone every morning, eating dry toast and black decaf. Sounds like ... prison?


2: Low-Carb Diet

Low-carb diets, like the Atkins Diet, help people lose weight by initiating ketosis in the body. Ketosis occurs when the body is at a deficit for carbohydrates (energy), and has to resort to burning up what resources are stored in the body's fat supply to provide itself enough energy to maintain function. That MIGHT sound good, because in a way you're kick-starting a natural mechanism in the body that will UTILIZE all that fat that your body has packed away over the years. Besides, low-carb diets encourage snacking on things like peanuts, pork rinds, and beef jerky. A freakin' bacon-wrapped, cheese-smothered, smoked  New York strip steak is actually low-carb diet friendly. WHAT THE FUCK? YES!!! YES!!! THERE IS A GOD AND HIS NAME BE ATKINS!! How can that be bad?

Well, for one thing, don't try this if you're diabetic. It could send you into diabetic ketoacidosis, which could lead to coma or death.

Ketosis is a process that's NOT easy on the body. It's a process that costs the body a great expenditure of energy in an effort to get additional energy out of stored fat, but also protein. In case you aren't aware, muscles and other organs are largely comprised of the same proteins ketosis will break down. By denying yourself carbs and starchy, carb-filled foods, you're forcing your body to rip itself up to support itself. That's like fixing holes in your roof by patching it with the siding on your house, and then when that siding won't cover the hole without extra support, you knock some of the bricks out of the side of your house to put on top of it. FUCKING BRILLIANT!

From Buzzle.com

Some of the symptoms of ketosis are:

The presence of a sickly sweet smelling, fruity breath. This peculiar smell is due to the presence of acetone bodies. This bad breath may be offensive to some people, but is a classic sign of ketosis

Tiredness and fatigue is often seen in the initial stages of ketosis

Headache

Excessive thirst

Weakness and dizziness

Nausea and stomach aches, accompanied by abdominal pain

Problems with sleeping

Regarding low-carb diets, in general, The American Heart Association states: "Individuals who follow these diets are therefore at risk for compromised vitamin and mineral intake, as well as potential cardiac, renal [kidney], bone, and liver abnormalities overall." Low carb diets like the Atkins diet may also hasten the onset of type II diabetes.

Dietary Cult-Risk Rating:  6/10 - Many people will believe your diet is a bad idea, what with the whole "low-fat diet" belief still making the rounds. However, while you're busy thinking you're a badass as you shed that first large amount of water weight, not only will you be doing damage to your OWN body, you'll probably be trying to convert all of your friends to this awesome meat-gnawing, potato-eschewing diet. You're likely to draw a lot of unwitting saps into the fold. Despite the TONS of websites warning people away from low-carb diets, most people don't bother to learn about their own basic body functions, let alone worry about them failing as a result of trying to lose weight.

1 - Vegetarian/Vegan Diet

Oh, hippies, how weary I am of you, in all your many incarnations..

I can understand the desire to abstain from eating things that have faces. I really can. However, there's a really big difference between maintaining a meatless diet for personal reasons, and deluding yourself into thinking that your personal reasons equal out to meat-eating being unhealthy for human beings. We are OMNIVORES. Get the fuck over it. On the bright side for vegetarians, being an omnivore means you can actually survive without meat, though I personally don't see it as much more than survival if there's no bacon involved.

Vegetarianism isn't so bad, despite a notable lack of cured pork products. A lot of vegetarians eat dairy, cheese, or maybe eggs, but draw the line at actual meat. These are the kind you see that clearly aren't eating any healthier than anyone else at the restaurant, but make a big fucking deal about ordering the vegetarian plate. I may, in fact, be a tad bitter from some of my experiences with vegetarians. I'm sure there are plenty of vegetarians who aren't, by nature, a giant pain in the ass to all of their omnivorous friends and family. I have surely just had a (long) run of bad luck with vegetarians who:

- Like to make a point about your eating meat and how much it grosses them out

- Constantly go into personal crises about what sellouts they are for eating dairy products

- Embarrass everyone who will still go to a restaurant with them by talking about how much better they could have made this "at home" with soy and tree nut products INSTEAD of dirty cow products.

- Make comparisons about what you're eating to demonstrate why they wouldn't eat it
  - "To me, it's no different than taking a piece of dog shit and handing it to me on a plate. That's how
      dirty and nasty that burger you're eating right now looks to me" - actual quote

- Come over to your house and talk about how much it stinks because you've "cooked dead things"

- Maintain this diet for "health reasons" yet remain the sickliest, fattest OR most underweight, most unhealthy people you know.

- Refuse to accept "western medicine", relying instead on "traditional eastern healing" methods that involve ingredients they can't pronounce, don't really research so that they can use them properly, and that come from countries that wouldn't use that outdated shit anymore if you PAID them, because they, instead, rely on "western medicine".

-Always need someone to talk them out of the bathroom, drive them to the doctor, or otherwise handle business for them when their malnutritious lifestyle ends up biting them in the ass.

..and that's just vegetarians.. you know, the ones that actually eat non-meat animal products. Vegans are like vegetarians, but about ten times worse with an extra helping of self-righteousness and delusion.

On a vegan diet, no animal products or by products are allowed. This means no cheese, no dairy, no eggs, no standard gelatin (which is made from beef), or anything else that comes from animals or fish. This is a great idea in theory if you love animals, and I do... but not enough to refrain from eating some of them. There are several nutrients that the human body needs that are not easily found in a standard vegan diet, and I venture to say are usually obtained in insufficient amounts by way of vegan cuisine. Here's a few of them, from The Independent, a British news publication :

Nutrients that everyone needs

B12

Because this vitamin is mainly found in meat, dairy products and eggs, vegans must get it from other sources such as supplements, fortified breakfast cereals and Marmite. Deficiency can lead to irreversible nervous system damage.

Vitamin D

Our skins make vitamin D when exposed to the sun's ultraviolet rays. But with desk-bound jobs, long winters and unpredictable weather, it is not always possible to get enough. Vitamin D is crucial for bone growth in children, and deficiency can result in rickets. Oily fish is one of the best dietary sources, but vegans can obtain it from fortified breakfast cereals and margarine. People living in Scotland may need to take greater care over vitamin D, as may people from cultures that require them to cover up.

Calcium

Found in dairy products, this is essential for strong bones. It is often lacking in a vegan diet unless taken as supplement.

Iron

Without sufficient iron, vegans and vegetarians can become anaemic. Deficiency can also delay growth in toddlers. Iron is commonly found in meat, but vegetarians can source iron from pulses and leafy green vegetables.

Calories

Although childhood obesity is an issue today, not enough calories can mean children don't grow properly. This can be a problem in high-fibre diets.

Protein

High-biological-value protein is found in meat, fish, eggs and dairy products. Low-biological-value protein is found in nuts, pulses and wholegrains. Separately, the latter don't contain all the essential amino acids, but do when combined correctly. Knowledge of which foods to mix together is therefore crucial.

I'll venture to say it because it's TRUE. In an average person's day, with a schedule that probably includes a job, or school, or kids, or all three.. how much time does said average person have to make sure you balance out each and every meal to ensure that you have at least sufficient amounts of necessary nutrients present in your food? Most people DO NOT have the time or even the inclination to do that (even if, ideally, they should), which is why most processed food is supplemented, or "enriched", with nutrients.

Most vegetarians and vegans won't eat anything processed or with "additives" if they can help it, so they don't even get that minute amount of supplements found in basic every day foods. Sure, the argument is that vegans take nutritional supplements to make up for whatever they're not getting in their diet, which is a great idea in theory, but not all supplements are created equal and they don't necessarily absorb properly in pill or powder form.What's worse is that vegans and vegetarians do, in fact, bring their kids along for the ride.

This story, also from The Independent, details a vegan mother realizing the damage her eating habits had done to her children.

"One morning over breakfast, Holly Paige looked at her daughter and realised things weren't right. Lizzie should have been flourishing. Instead, her cheeks were pinched, she was small for her age, and although she had skinny arms and legs, her belly was big and swollen. When Lizzie smiled, Paige suddenly noticed her upper front teeth were pitted with holes.

"I was absolutely horrified," recalls Paige."

In 2007, a vegan couple from Atlanta were given life sentences over the death of their six week old infant son, whose diet to that point had consisted of apple juice and soy milk. Of course, these people being vegans, full of themselves, and so certain that they knew better than EVERYONE ELSE, delivered the child at home without all that bothersome western medicine getting in the way. Why they didn't so much as bother to breastfeed the baby or even feed it formula is beyond me. At six weeks old, he died weighing 3 1/2 pounds. The parents claimed that they didn't think anything was wrong with him until a few minutes before he died.

Even in the cases of breastfeeding vegetarian mothers, those babies are known to experience massive developmental delays as reported by the Centers for Disease Control. Another case in 2003 involved a vegan couple from Queens, NY, whose 15 month old weighed ten pounds and had no teeth due to malnutrition. This baby was not breastfed or given formula, was delivered at home, was NOT given immunizations, and was also suffering from rickets and an inability to sit up or talk.

From azcentral.com

On April 23, 2005, Blair Parker called 911 because his 3-year-old daughter seemed to be having a seizure.

Doctors in the emergency room found that the girl was emaciated - she weighed just 13 pounds - and they asked to examine Parker's other two children.
His 11-year-old daughter was the size of a 5-year-old, and his 9-year-old son was the size of a 3-year-old. All of the children had been fed a diet that Parker and his wife misguidedly believed was a proper vegan diet, meaning that they eschewed all meat and fish and even dairy products

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2008/07/04/20080704parker0704.html#ixzz1ZhOICqiI

From TimesOnline UK:

A 12-YEAR-OLD girl in Scotland brought up by her parents on a strict vegan diet has been admitted to hospital with a degenerative bone condition said to have left her with the spine of an 80-year-old woman.

Doctors are under pressure to report the couple to police and social workers amid concerns that her health and welfare may have been neglected in pursuit of their dietary beliefs.

The girl, who has been fed on a strict meat and dairy-free diet from birth, is said to have a severe form of rickets and to have suffered a number of fractured bones.
Read more:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/scotland/article4087734.ece

Dietary Cult-Risk Rating - 9/10 - I'd give it a full 10 for indoctrination at birth, but it seems that the kids aren't living long enough for that to count.