This Week In Ignorant Fucks - 10/18/2013

Aw, goddamnit.... where do I start?

There was so much fucking stupid floating about the news this week, my head hurts just trying to round it all up.

We've had the ultimate in toddler-style temper tantrums going on with the government shutdown, in which Republicans simply can't get over the fact that they didn't get their way, so they responded by taking their toys (and continued pay) and going HOME. Never mind the fact that they took lots of other people's toys and paychecks home with them while they act like fucking jerks.

Because of the efforts of (my heroes!) Anonymous, information has come out about the Maryville teen rape, terrifyingly similar to Steubenville in its cover-up and dehumanization of the victims. Thank you, Anonymous, perhaps the only justice for women now comes at the hands of "vigilantes". As an open cry to Anonymous, please tell me here if there's anything I can ever do to help. Thank you for caring about young lives that our tragically dysfunctional social climate would allow to be cast aside as easily as garbage.

Let me try to lay out some links to some of the better examples of idiocy for this past week.. in no particular order..

Fox News pulls out the sleaziest fucking criminal defense lawyer they can possibly find, and airs a textbook example of victim blaming with great enthusiasm.


Did I fail to mention that this guy's main areas of expertise are in defending mafioso AND "white collar criminals" who are charged with multi-million dollar fraud?

Clearly, Fox News was trying to put their best foot forward after the victim-blaming, slut-shaming, rape-culture inducing misogyny market was cornered earlier in the week by a WOMAN. Slate's Emily Yoffe, more commonly known as "Dear Prudence", heaped rape prevention back onto women with her one-and-a-half cents on the Maryville rape. Her choice of words was questionable, at best, starting with the pretty blatant title of "COLLEGE WOMEN:STOP GETTING DRUNK." Ms. Yoffe is actually defending her article, clearly convinced that we're all too stupid to understand that alcohol CAN be a factor in some rape situations, but obviously MISSING THE POINT ENTIRELY that the ghost of Jack Daniels doesn't come out of the bottle, angry erection in hand, and rape you himself at a certain point of female drunkenness. That, in fact, it's the man who thinks so little of you as a human being and so highly of you as a sexual opportunity who takes advantage of the fact that he CAN rape you, secure in the knowledge that some smug old bitch like Emily Yoffe will wag her know-it-all, admonishing finger at the victim afterward. Ms. Yoffe also has some weirdo idea in her head that what's actually causing all these rapes is that women think they are being all feminist by matching guys drink for drink. No, seriously. Like, as in, for real.. she SAID that.. here. From the post..

"Let’s be totally clear: Perpetrators are the ones responsible for committing their crimes, and they should be brought to justice. But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them. Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue. The real feminist message should be that when you lose the ability to be responsible for yourself, you drastically increase the chances that you will attract the kinds of people who, shall we say, don’t have your best interest at heart. That’s not blaming the victim; that’s trying to prevent more victims."

What really sucks here is that the above paragraph is pretty much the only part of her piece that does, in fact, discuss how the perpetrators are responsible for their actions. At best, this is another disgusting, stomach-turning example of an educated, professional, adult woman who has been so indoctrinated with social sexism that she actually BELIEVES this is a progressive, proactive approach to the rape culture crisis we are all suffering from. I hate to break it to you, lady, but we all know that the world is dangerous. What all of us militant feminists are raging about is that we've TRIED ALL OF THIS SHIT AND IT DOESN'T WORK. You can get raped by any man, at any time, in any social setting, no matter what the theme or central activity is. The fact that women from all walks of life and of all personality types are getting raped is terrible enough, but the aftermath might actually be worse than the attack, and guess what? Emily Yoffe, you are now part of that aftermath. A woman suffering the trauma following a rape that was NOT HER FAULT, does not need to read this tripe about what SHE was doing, wearing, or where she was. The asshole who RAPED her needs to be questioned and scrutinized and shamed. There are dangerous people EVERYWHERE. When a crime or assault is committed against a man, we don't ask him what he was doing drinking at a party (you know, where people drink), or why he was wearing a certain kind of clothing, or why he was out late at night, or hanging out without some sort of chaperoning escort to ensure his safety... oh yeah, that's right. We treat men like people. How dare us silly bitches think we deserve the same courtesy.

From "How to write a rape prevention article without sounding like an asshole" by Erin Gloria Ryan, published in Jezebel, and using a direct quote from Ms. Yoffe's piece:

"DON'T write this paragraph:

'If I had a son, I would tell him that it’s in his self-interest not to be the drunken frat boy who finds himself accused of raping a drunken classmate. Surely this University of Richmond student, acquitted in one of the extremely rare cases in which a campus rape accusation led to a criminal trial, would confirm that.'

If Emily Yoffe had a son, she'd teach him how not to be accused of rape at a party. Not how to stay sober enough to remain vigilant and interfere with potentially alcohol-fueled rape situations, or how it's not okay to have sex with a woman who is too drunk to consent. Nope. Just how not to get accused of rape. Got it."

By the way, Ms. Ryan, if you read this somehow, please know that you make my everlovin' day, girl. I read your work all the damn time, and you're fucking awesome.
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Oh SHIT, yeah

this shit totally fucking happened..


Danielle N. Lee, who has blogged for Scientific American for at least two years and refers to herself as the  "Urban Scientist" was asked by a content editor for Biology-Online.com if she would write for them, when she asked about compensation, she was called a whore. What the fuck, right? Her blog post on this matter, including screenshots of emails, can be found here.

For the record, Ms. Lee.. I wish you had been my biology teacher.
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Ted Cruz - SHUT THE FUCK UP. Oh my God, you're a moron.

In Ted Cruz news this week...

Ted Cruz calls birth control "abortifacients" - Huffpost

Ted Cruz fails to disclose financial ties to Jamaican Holdings company- TIME

Ted, Jamaican me crazy, here..

Chris VanHollen, representing the 8th district of the State of Maryland in the U.S. House of Representatives and also writing for TheGuardian.com, brought this lovely little gem to light in his article "Republican Rule-Rigging Cause This Shutdown and Subverted Democracy". Here is an excerpt from that piece:

"There are enough votes in the House to pass the Senate's "clean" bill to fund government – and this already represents Democrats being willing to compromise to accept the GOP's post-sequester funding levels for the short term. It would have easily passed the House with a bipartisan majority – had the House Republican leadership brought it to the floor for a simple up-or-down vote. But House Republicans – many of whom have long had the goal of shutting down the government – effectively wrote the shutdown into law with just hours left on the clock.

If that sounds unbelievable and outrageous, it's because it is.

The chairman of the House rules committee conceded that, under normal procedure with clause 4 of rule 22, if the House amends a Senate bill and the Senate rejects the House's amendment(s), any House member has the right to bring the original Senate bill up for an immediate up-or-down vote in the House. But just two hours before the government was poised to shut down, House Republicans quietly rigged the rules in their favor. They changed that rule to ensure that only Republican majority leader Eric Cantor could bring the Senate bill to reopen the government up for a vote – something they have refused to do."

In case this hasn't reached you on Facebook, here is the video demonstrating this rule-rigging in action.


and last, but certainly not least.. Linda Oliver, the Mayor of West Union, South Carolina, had THIS to say (and then promptly delete) on her Facebook:

"What's it gonna take to get these queers to realize they don't need a piece of paper. God will not bless their union because he plainly speaks against queers in the Bible. Want to cover your queer with insurance? Buy a policy. Want your queer to get your stuff when you die? Make a will."

From HuffPost:

"The post quickly drew an onslaught of criticism from Facebook users. Meanwhile, a Facebook group titled "Recall West Union S.C. Mayor Linda Oliver" was also created in the wake of the controversy.

But Oliver says she anticipated the heated response, telling Fox Carolina, "All I can say is if people want to crucify me, that's fine. I know that following Jesus, I'm going to be crucified."

On the topic of same-sex marriage, she added, "I don't want it rammed down my throat."

Though she insists she'll now use "homosexual," Oliver also defended her use of the word "queer," noting, "The way I feel toward homosexuals is how I've been brought up.""

You IGNORANT bitch, Ms. Oliver. I hope there is, in fact, a Rapture. I can't wait til it takes you, and people like you, the hell off the planet.

The Feminine Context

I'm BACK, bitches!

Bitchitudinousness reigns again!

Well, hopefully.. I do kinda have some shit to do around here

BUT!

I'm going to try and do better about ranting my ass off on a more regular basis. I find it therapeutic.

What have I been doing with myself, you might ask (or might not.. its been FOR-FUCKING-EVER since I wrote here).. well..

-Moving
-Raising the mini-shebeast
-Being pissed off at Google AdSense which has banned me for life over a stupid misclick which they said was me trying to inflate my own ad revenue.
-Founding, forming, and whipping an MMORPG clan together
-Becoming a more righteously indignant feminist, every fucking day.

Expect more activity here.

Silence is just not on my vagenda anymore.

The Feminine Context

Sexual, Female, AND Human? Why Sasha Gray Can't Catch A Break

11/11/2011
From HuffingtonPost:

"How would you feel if an adult film star read to your seven year old child? Believe it or not, some parents in California are pretty angry that it happened in their kids' classroom.
Porn legend Sasha Grey was a guest reader at Emerson Elementary School in Compton, California earlier this month, joining first and third grade students in their Read Across America day. Grey certainly enjoyed the experience, tweeting, "Spent the am with Read Across America Compton, reading to the sweetest 1st & 3rd grade students @ Emerson Elementary!"
The problem, TMZ reports, is that parents aren't happy -- and that school officials, instead of addressing the issue, are claiming it never happened. Of course, it'd be silly for Grey to tweet about it if it hadn't happened, and more importantly, TMZ has a photo of the event (as they always seem to do)."

Ms. Gray gave a statement to TMZ regarding her participation in the Read Across America child literacy program, in which she writes:


"Read Across America" is a program that was designed to promote literacy and instill a lifelong love of reading in elementary school students. Promoting education is an effort that is close to my heart. Illiteracy contributes to poverty; encouraging children to pick up a book is fundamental.
 I believe education is a universal right. I committed to this program with the understanding that people would have their own opinions about what I have done, who I am and what I represent.
 I am an actor. I am an artist. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a partner. I have a past that some people may not agree with, but it does not define who I am. 
I will not live in fear of it. To challenge non-profit education programs is an exercise in futility, counter-productive and anti-educational. 
I cannot thank my fans and 'Read Across America' enough for supporting my decision. Your support and kind words continue to inspire me. I believe in the future of our children, and I will remain an active supporter and participant in education-focused initiatives."


Good for you, Sasha Gray. What a great thing for you to do for a group of kids that certainly enjoyed your reading to them. If only most kids' parents would take that kind of time and read to their children.

I don't have a damn thing against porn, and neither should you. I'm not talking about illegal activities involving non-consenting individuals. No one's backing that up. I'm talking about good ol' American (Japanese? Russian? German? Whatever floats your boat) porn, that almost everyone has looked at at some point or another, if not several times a week... or day.. or in an alternate window while you're reading this very post.

Both hands on the keyboard, buddy. I'm trying to tell you something, here.

Okay. Fine. Finish and come back after you've washed your hands.

Regarding porn..

For starters, you probably watch it. Statistical data is hard to count on because one group or another is constantly tweaking numbers up or down to try and make a point, but let's just say that the majority of reports about adult pornography use on the internet indicate that a whole fuck of a lot of everyone is watching, viewing, or reading some porn at any given time of the day or night. If one were to try and draw some sort of "average score" out of these extremely varied reports on internet pornography usage, it probably boils down to somewhere around 52% of men and 50% of women who at least admitted to it. Obviously, these numbers don't even begin to account for people who look at it and don't want to tell anyone, or who look at "specialty" porn designed to satisfy fetishes that are based on objects or ideas that most people would never identify with the term "sexy". Many people are sexually excited by the damndest, and quite frankly, most harmless things. I for one don't think I have any business whatsoever getting my panties in a wad over whether someone is attracted or excited by things like stuffed animals, trees, or bugs. I am  in no way required to participate in anyone else's turn-on, if asked, I can say no.. so how is it any of my concern if my neighbor gets a semi because he thinks the myrtle tree in my yard is hot as hell. Good for him. At least someone is noticing my tree and NOT how long it's been since I cut the grass beneath it. What do I care? If everyone is obeying the law, then he's in his house getting his jollies from that myrtle and its sexy, bark-free body, and he's not on my lawn humping it. Everyone's happy.

If you insist that you don't partake of the massive erotic pornucopia online, well what the hell ever, okay? I'm just going to be nice about it and nod, but don't push it. Porn use is so prevalent among adults that as much as you want to get a bee in your butt (fetish?) about it, probably half of your knitting club does things with their needles that would make you not only cross your legs but strap them together with leather belts. Problem being, this might only turn them on MORE. The real point is that there's NO point getting upset about it. Porn is everywhere and it's been here since our ancestors figured out they could use Saber-Toothed Cat poo like crayons on their cave walls, and that an extra stick limb on a stick figure could represent a penis.



Pornography is no longer the sad business of taking starry-eyed would be actresses and making depraved whores out of them, if it ever really was. Adult film stars see themselves as just that, "stars", not victims or objects of pity. Adult entertainment is big freaking business, and as such, working standards have improved if for no other reason than to keep everyone's asses covered on a legal front. The porn industry creates jobs, and is well-recognized as the primary driving force behind many of the technological developments that have come to benefit both businesses and consumers alike. Internet technology like credit-card processing and verification, website membership security, encryption, video technology, and file-optimization have all been developed more rapidly, competitively, and economically as a means to buy and sell adult content online.

There are a few other things that can be said, specifically about people who actually work in front of the cameras in the adult entertainment industry. The one thing that pornography professionals have done differently than most of us is that they've demonstrated that they've got 'nads enough to work in an industry that, although considered taboo, is actually STILL THRIVING in our otherwise depressed economy. I believe it's also worth mentioning that adult film actresses and models are working in a field that, by the efforts and intentions of society's effort to promote women's sexual liberty, they really ought to be given a bit more respect for. I don't mean that we should be placing banners up everywhere we go, featuring this week's DVDA princess, but considering how many people are actually watching all of this porn, how is it fair to act like these people are doing something subversive and terrible?

Why is it that when sexual acts are filmed, we talk about the individuals engaged in that act as though they should be ashamed of it? How is it any different than what the majority of single adults get drunk and do any given weekend, other than that the adult film industry is more likely to enforce the use of condoms and STD/STI testing before adults engage in sexual intercourse? Sometimes, in an effort to promote feminism, porn actresses will be discussed as though they are brainwashed, patriarchy-indoctrinated "victims" which in itself is degrading, not uplifting, to these women. How is it that violent, gory crime dramas are winning awards, but the act of two (or more?) adults doing something together that makes them feel freaking AWESOME is considered a cause of detriment to society? Sasha Gray, for example, is a beautiful young woman who has recently published a book (adult in nature, but intellectual and artistic) and is proud of her work, as she has every right to be. How is it anyone's place to tell her she shouldn't be? She's achieved a great deal of success in her former career, and is currently expanding into new territory. How is it fair that we shower women like Kim Kardashian with press, attention, and fan-worship for doing, well.. nothing without her mom's direction and her dad's money, yet we take the first opportunity we can to piss on an adult film actress who took an opportunity to do something nice and READ to little kids?

There are certainly many varieties of adult entertainment that are presented with elements of violence, and these cater to specific fetishes. Maybe it's true that much of available pornographic material promotes illusory, airbrushed, unrealistic images of women and men. It's part of the fantasy, and anyone who's had sex more than twice can easily understand that fantasy and reality are two very different things. Any information, be it text or image, that is adult in nature can be confusing to children.. this is very true. The rest of the world is not supposed to raise your children or moderate its existence in case your children see. As a parent, it's your job to explain aspects of life to your kids, often as they come up.

It's also a matter of picking your battles at an age-appropriate time for your own child.

In the case of Sasha Gray, there's no reason that any child she read to needs to know anything about her past, and should it come up, a simple "she made movies that are only for adults" would suffice for a child within that age-range. Making a big huge fucking deal out of it is only going to make the situation utterly fascinating to a child, who will then explore the issue that they thought NOTHING about before it garnered such a reaction out of their parents.

The real "problem" is that Sasha Gray doesn't feel bad about herself, her choices, or what she's done. If she seemed ashamed of her sexuality, or a victim of the porn industry, it might make it easier for people to accept her. When pressed to discuss a hypothetical situation that would be completely identical to hers, a lot of people would disagree with condemning her for reading to those children. Our society, with its seemingly indelible stain of puritanism, still has quite a lot to learn. Maybe even from a porn star.

The Feminine Context

God Save The Teens: An Intervention

This is an actual Facebook-comment conversation I had with my niece the other night. It is at times like this that I'm grateful for the long, lonely, isolated adolescence I experienced as a home-schooled student. At least I never had the opportunity to pick up dumbass habits like this.

Names and identifying information removed. Kids, if no one's slapped you for abusing the English language like this, please do what's right and slap the holy shit out of YOURSELF.

The Feminine Context

More Questionable And Hilarious Products As Reviewed By TFC

For the most part, I really don't like to go shopping. To hell with crowds and overhead lighting. Most of my problem with shopping is that paying a store's label price really eats away at some portion of my penny-pinching, price-comparing soul. Besides, shopping offline limits one to a PG-rated experience, bland and devoid of the rich (and often ridiculous) wide-open internet marketplace. Only that kind of "free market" could allow for products like this..

The Baggy Winecoat

It's Sex and the City, bitches! Now, available everywhere you can take a purse and a morally-casual attitude towards your increasing alcohol dependency, which would be.. well, everywhere with THIS handy and stylish bag. We all know that closet alcoholism is coming back in style (also mirrored here at OpenSalon), especially among the suburban soccer mom set. Go all Martha Stewart on this swag by taking the label off one of your fancy purses and affixing it to this lovely wine-in-a-box tote, adding class and sophistication to your new wine-swilling accessory! For extra points, make sure the purse that you rip the label off of is one of those that costs the equivalent of the average American's monthly housing payment. If it's not EXCESS, it's not SUCCESS! Sure, one of those heifers from the PTA is bound to point out that it's not Prada, but after a refill or two into those seemingly innocuous Dixie-cups, she won't give a damn anymore and neither will you.

PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.

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Arm-Shapers

Okay, so everyone has a few baggy places they'd like to tighten up, after all.. everyone has this idea that they want to be lean and slim and .. what the holy hell ?

Padded Butt Enhancing Panties

... and the winner for best product to ensure lifelong emotional scarring when found in mom's laundry.. ASS-PILLOW PANTIES! Remember all of those helpful, hurtful, degrading dieting and fitness tips, ladies? The ones mom shared out of maternal concern, sharp and cutting, letting you know that the source of life's happiness is found only in the reduction of your derriere? ALL LIES!!! LIES, I TELL YOU! The old broad was coveting your bountifulness the entire time!!! She was trying to bring you down! Down to her assless level! Apparently, curves actually ARE where it's at! Unless you have them in the wrong places, I suppose. Too much curvature in those places requires management and a barrier method, such as..

SmoothGrooves

You know how you avoid unwanted toe? It's not in buying a prosthetic "Barbie Crotch" (as xojane.com so lovingly put it). It's really simple. Quit trying to shove your size 16 ass into those size 6 pants. Remember, your bubble-butt is obviously a desirable physical characteristic if there are actually "shapewear" products ugly as sin that are designed to try and mimic it. I'd say to embrace your big ass, except people's spines don't actually twist in such a way that its physiologically possible. It occurs to me, that the combined effort of all of this "shapewear" (arm shapers, butt/hip pads, and vulva-flattening devices of your choice) could easily result in a new female form that looks something like this:

Sexy, huh?



There are plenty of unnatural and disturbing ways to alter your body, and some of them are pretty interesting..

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Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye

Jesus H. Christ... Rome is burning and we're worried about how well the carpet matches the drapes?



The best part is the actual product description:

Betty products are specially formulated to color the hair down there.
(I suppose this is the "consumer-friendly" way of telling you that it won't burn your pubes off)

Natural looking.
(Note: This is the product description for a bottle of ULTRA-VIOLET colored pubic hair dye)

Covers gray.
(Just about as well as those other purple and blue shades that Gramma uses on her HEAD)

Lasts about four-five weeks.
(Which is about four to four and a half weeks longer than it takes for the average person to come off of a bender and wonder what the fuck possessed them to dye their pubes freakin' purple)

No drip - no mess formula.
(God, if only vaginas came with that sort of user assurance..)

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Now, for something completely harmless and adorable.. take a look at THIS cute little guy!

Aww!!!!! So sweet and cuddly, but.. um.. what IS it? Kinda looks like a little gray soccer ball..

But it's not. It's a stuffed toy made in the likeness of a molecular view of HPV. It comes with a tag that bears an actual molecular image of the virus, and a brief description. It's marketed as an educational toy. The one below is a plush-toy representation of chlamydia.

Who knew chlamydia had such cute little buggy eyes?? Immediately following Chlamydia is HIV, a serious looking little microbe who's donning a sporty and socially-conscious red awareness ribbon.



I know I'm a sick bitch and all, but somehow I kind of like the plushie microbes. Huzzah for internet shopping and the assurance that I don't have to stand in line at a register while people judge me by my bizarre purchases. haha.

The Feminine Context

From Jenna Marbles.. What Boys Do In The Car..

have I mentioned I love you, Jenna? Cause I do

For anyone reading this through Salon.com, here is a direct link..

3 "Healthy Eating" Trends That Are Usually Anything But

I'm not skinny. I'm not morbidly obese, either. I think I'm a fairly average weight for an American woman in her 30's, but no one's ever really happy with their weight. Sometimes I think I'd like to be able to fit into a ridiculously tiny dress that wouldn't really look good on most people, just as much as the next 30+ year old woman would, but I'm not so obsessed with being thin that I'm going to do some drastic shit that's going to endanger my health. If you have a problem with the size of my ass, then that's entirely YOUR problem. Personally, I have a few things I prioritize a bit higher than what you or anyone else might think of my "bountifulness".

That's me, though. I know that it bothers a lot of people to gain a size or two. Although I can understand the desire to lose weight, I really think that desire becomes more of a psychosis when it leads someone to not only curb their intake of food, but to convince themselves that a dramatic lifestyle change is "healthy". What's more, people in this state of mind will not only go to ridiculous lengths to adhere to this supposedly healthy diet, they'll also become so devoted to it that they believe its their only hope to live a healthy life.

These diet fads are cultism at it's mind-fucking finest. The ideas and philosophies are pitched at people who are at a loss, who feel socially-excluded and vulnerable due to their perceived flaws. The core principles at the heart of these diets have a ring of truth to them, and they make the people who follow them feel a twinge of superiority because they think they've learned some special secret to a better life. They take pride in making whatever sacrifice they're making because it (in their minds) puts them a cut above everyone else. If that's not a recipe for a cult, I don't know what is.

The lifestyle changes adopted to adhere to the diet exclude you FURTHER from the rest of society by way of eliminating the social element to eating. People LIKE to eat together. One of the basic ways that we stay connected or even get to know one another is usually through sharing a meal and conversation together. When you decide to follow a very counter-culture diet that drastically limits what you can and can't eat, it narrows what restaurants you can eat at and whose house you can eat at. If you're vegan, you'll end up reaching out to find other vegans to fill the void you're experiencing from a lack of communal meal options, and to validate your reasons for excluding these opportunities from your life.

3: Low-Fat Diet

This is actually a fairly harmless, albeit fairly ineffective diet. In the short term, reducing fat intake keeps your overall cholesterol levels in check, and makes it easier to maintain your weight. It's not GOOD for your heart to eat nothing but high-fat foods, but its not going to kill you to get a little crazy with the cheez-whiz every now and then. The problem being, as much as the idea of cancer and heart disease prevention is linked in the collective mind of most people and medical professionals, a massive eight year study was done on the effectiveness of a low-fat diet against those diseases and came up with.. well, nothing. The group that ate anything it damn well pleased ended up having the same rate of heart disease and cancer occurrence as the group on a strict low fat, high fiber diet. When I say low-fat, I mean these people were not allowed to have cream cheese on bagels, butter on toast, or even oil in salad dressings. At the end of the study, the occurrences of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and obesity were so similar between both groups, that differences in results between the two were deemed "statistically insignificant".

I'm not suggesting that anyone go chow down on a tub of bacon-flavored lard in celebration of this study, but it probably wouldn't hurt anything to go ahead and have that ice cream after dinner. Apparently, cancer doesn't give a shit about your "rocky road" dependency.

Dietary Cult Risk Rating : 1/10 - Sticking to a low-fat diet doesn't come with a lot of pomp and self-righteousness. It just makes you turn down most offered food in favor of sitting alone every morning, eating dry toast and black decaf. Sounds like ... prison?


2: Low-Carb Diet

Low-carb diets, like the Atkins Diet, help people lose weight by initiating ketosis in the body. Ketosis occurs when the body is at a deficit for carbohydrates (energy), and has to resort to burning up what resources are stored in the body's fat supply to provide itself enough energy to maintain function. That MIGHT sound good, because in a way you're kick-starting a natural mechanism in the body that will UTILIZE all that fat that your body has packed away over the years. Besides, low-carb diets encourage snacking on things like peanuts, pork rinds, and beef jerky. A freakin' bacon-wrapped, cheese-smothered, smoked  New York strip steak is actually low-carb diet friendly. WHAT THE FUCK? YES!!! YES!!! THERE IS A GOD AND HIS NAME BE ATKINS!! How can that be bad?

Well, for one thing, don't try this if you're diabetic. It could send you into diabetic ketoacidosis, which could lead to coma or death.

Ketosis is a process that's NOT easy on the body. It's a process that costs the body a great expenditure of energy in an effort to get additional energy out of stored fat, but also protein. In case you aren't aware, muscles and other organs are largely comprised of the same proteins ketosis will break down. By denying yourself carbs and starchy, carb-filled foods, you're forcing your body to rip itself up to support itself. That's like fixing holes in your roof by patching it with the siding on your house, and then when that siding won't cover the hole without extra support, you knock some of the bricks out of the side of your house to put on top of it. FUCKING BRILLIANT!

From Buzzle.com

Some of the symptoms of ketosis are:

The presence of a sickly sweet smelling, fruity breath. This peculiar smell is due to the presence of acetone bodies. This bad breath may be offensive to some people, but is a classic sign of ketosis

Tiredness and fatigue is often seen in the initial stages of ketosis

Headache

Excessive thirst

Weakness and dizziness

Nausea and stomach aches, accompanied by abdominal pain

Problems with sleeping

Regarding low-carb diets, in general, The American Heart Association states: "Individuals who follow these diets are therefore at risk for compromised vitamin and mineral intake, as well as potential cardiac, renal [kidney], bone, and liver abnormalities overall." Low carb diets like the Atkins diet may also hasten the onset of type II diabetes.

Dietary Cult-Risk Rating:  6/10 - Many people will believe your diet is a bad idea, what with the whole "low-fat diet" belief still making the rounds. However, while you're busy thinking you're a badass as you shed that first large amount of water weight, not only will you be doing damage to your OWN body, you'll probably be trying to convert all of your friends to this awesome meat-gnawing, potato-eschewing diet. You're likely to draw a lot of unwitting saps into the fold. Despite the TONS of websites warning people away from low-carb diets, most people don't bother to learn about their own basic body functions, let alone worry about them failing as a result of trying to lose weight.

1 - Vegetarian/Vegan Diet

Oh, hippies, how weary I am of you, in all your many incarnations..

I can understand the desire to abstain from eating things that have faces. I really can. However, there's a really big difference between maintaining a meatless diet for personal reasons, and deluding yourself into thinking that your personal reasons equal out to meat-eating being unhealthy for human beings. We are OMNIVORES. Get the fuck over it. On the bright side for vegetarians, being an omnivore means you can actually survive without meat, though I personally don't see it as much more than survival if there's no bacon involved.

Vegetarianism isn't so bad, despite a notable lack of cured pork products. A lot of vegetarians eat dairy, cheese, or maybe eggs, but draw the line at actual meat. These are the kind you see that clearly aren't eating any healthier than anyone else at the restaurant, but make a big fucking deal about ordering the vegetarian plate. I may, in fact, be a tad bitter from some of my experiences with vegetarians. I'm sure there are plenty of vegetarians who aren't, by nature, a giant pain in the ass to all of their omnivorous friends and family. I have surely just had a (long) run of bad luck with vegetarians who:

- Like to make a point about your eating meat and how much it grosses them out

- Constantly go into personal crises about what sellouts they are for eating dairy products

- Embarrass everyone who will still go to a restaurant with them by talking about how much better they could have made this "at home" with soy and tree nut products INSTEAD of dirty cow products.

- Make comparisons about what you're eating to demonstrate why they wouldn't eat it
  - "To me, it's no different than taking a piece of dog shit and handing it to me on a plate. That's how
      dirty and nasty that burger you're eating right now looks to me" - actual quote

- Come over to your house and talk about how much it stinks because you've "cooked dead things"

- Maintain this diet for "health reasons" yet remain the sickliest, fattest OR most underweight, most unhealthy people you know.

- Refuse to accept "western medicine", relying instead on "traditional eastern healing" methods that involve ingredients they can't pronounce, don't really research so that they can use them properly, and that come from countries that wouldn't use that outdated shit anymore if you PAID them, because they, instead, rely on "western medicine".

-Always need someone to talk them out of the bathroom, drive them to the doctor, or otherwise handle business for them when their malnutritious lifestyle ends up biting them in the ass.

..and that's just vegetarians.. you know, the ones that actually eat non-meat animal products. Vegans are like vegetarians, but about ten times worse with an extra helping of self-righteousness and delusion.

On a vegan diet, no animal products or by products are allowed. This means no cheese, no dairy, no eggs, no standard gelatin (which is made from beef), or anything else that comes from animals or fish. This is a great idea in theory if you love animals, and I do... but not enough to refrain from eating some of them. There are several nutrients that the human body needs that are not easily found in a standard vegan diet, and I venture to say are usually obtained in insufficient amounts by way of vegan cuisine. Here's a few of them, from The Independent, a British news publication :

Nutrients that everyone needs

B12

Because this vitamin is mainly found in meat, dairy products and eggs, vegans must get it from other sources such as supplements, fortified breakfast cereals and Marmite. Deficiency can lead to irreversible nervous system damage.

Vitamin D

Our skins make vitamin D when exposed to the sun's ultraviolet rays. But with desk-bound jobs, long winters and unpredictable weather, it is not always possible to get enough. Vitamin D is crucial for bone growth in children, and deficiency can result in rickets. Oily fish is one of the best dietary sources, but vegans can obtain it from fortified breakfast cereals and margarine. People living in Scotland may need to take greater care over vitamin D, as may people from cultures that require them to cover up.

Calcium

Found in dairy products, this is essential for strong bones. It is often lacking in a vegan diet unless taken as supplement.

Iron

Without sufficient iron, vegans and vegetarians can become anaemic. Deficiency can also delay growth in toddlers. Iron is commonly found in meat, but vegetarians can source iron from pulses and leafy green vegetables.

Calories

Although childhood obesity is an issue today, not enough calories can mean children don't grow properly. This can be a problem in high-fibre diets.

Protein

High-biological-value protein is found in meat, fish, eggs and dairy products. Low-biological-value protein is found in nuts, pulses and wholegrains. Separately, the latter don't contain all the essential amino acids, but do when combined correctly. Knowledge of which foods to mix together is therefore crucial.

I'll venture to say it because it's TRUE. In an average person's day, with a schedule that probably includes a job, or school, or kids, or all three.. how much time does said average person have to make sure you balance out each and every meal to ensure that you have at least sufficient amounts of necessary nutrients present in your food? Most people DO NOT have the time or even the inclination to do that (even if, ideally, they should), which is why most processed food is supplemented, or "enriched", with nutrients.

Most vegetarians and vegans won't eat anything processed or with "additives" if they can help it, so they don't even get that minute amount of supplements found in basic every day foods. Sure, the argument is that vegans take nutritional supplements to make up for whatever they're not getting in their diet, which is a great idea in theory, but not all supplements are created equal and they don't necessarily absorb properly in pill or powder form.What's worse is that vegans and vegetarians do, in fact, bring their kids along for the ride.

This story, also from The Independent, details a vegan mother realizing the damage her eating habits had done to her children.

"One morning over breakfast, Holly Paige looked at her daughter and realised things weren't right. Lizzie should have been flourishing. Instead, her cheeks were pinched, she was small for her age, and although she had skinny arms and legs, her belly was big and swollen. When Lizzie smiled, Paige suddenly noticed her upper front teeth were pitted with holes.

"I was absolutely horrified," recalls Paige."

In 2007, a vegan couple from Atlanta were given life sentences over the death of their six week old infant son, whose diet to that point had consisted of apple juice and soy milk. Of course, these people being vegans, full of themselves, and so certain that they knew better than EVERYONE ELSE, delivered the child at home without all that bothersome western medicine getting in the way. Why they didn't so much as bother to breastfeed the baby or even feed it formula is beyond me. At six weeks old, he died weighing 3 1/2 pounds. The parents claimed that they didn't think anything was wrong with him until a few minutes before he died.

Even in the cases of breastfeeding vegetarian mothers, those babies are known to experience massive developmental delays as reported by the Centers for Disease Control. Another case in 2003 involved a vegan couple from Queens, NY, whose 15 month old weighed ten pounds and had no teeth due to malnutrition. This baby was not breastfed or given formula, was delivered at home, was NOT given immunizations, and was also suffering from rickets and an inability to sit up or talk.

From azcentral.com

On April 23, 2005, Blair Parker called 911 because his 3-year-old daughter seemed to be having a seizure.

Doctors in the emergency room found that the girl was emaciated - she weighed just 13 pounds - and they asked to examine Parker's other two children.
His 11-year-old daughter was the size of a 5-year-old, and his 9-year-old son was the size of a 3-year-old. All of the children had been fed a diet that Parker and his wife misguidedly believed was a proper vegan diet, meaning that they eschewed all meat and fish and even dairy products

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2008/07/04/20080704parker0704.html#ixzz1ZhOICqiI

From TimesOnline UK:

A 12-YEAR-OLD girl in Scotland brought up by her parents on a strict vegan diet has been admitted to hospital with a degenerative bone condition said to have left her with the spine of an 80-year-old woman.

Doctors are under pressure to report the couple to police and social workers amid concerns that her health and welfare may have been neglected in pursuit of their dietary beliefs.

The girl, who has been fed on a strict meat and dairy-free diet from birth, is said to have a severe form of rickets and to have suffered a number of fractured bones.
Read more:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/scotland/article4087734.ece

Dietary Cult-Risk Rating - 9/10 - I'd give it a full 10 for indoctrination at birth, but it seems that the kids aren't living long enough for that to count.

Extreme Reversionist Report 2011! - Part 3 - Rick Perry

Alrighty, let's stomp some more points into the ground... First, let me re-cap on what this post is about..

From my first "Extreme Reversionist Report 2011" post

"This post is one of a series that I plan to post over the next week or so. The purpose of these posts is to pick at the social conservatism of several American politicians who are each campaigning for the endorsement of the Republican party for the 2012 Presidential election. For this, I offer no fucking apology whatsoever.

The candidates that I have chosen for this tarring and feathering are throwing their political weight behind ideas and policies that endanger the rights and lives of many, many people in this country. Their "talking points" promote radical theories that are ignorant, shortsighted, and diminish the personhood of many American citizens. You don't have to be gay to know that you want a good life for your brother who is. You don't have to be a woman to want proper health care and reproductive options for your daughter. You don't have to be (insert any religion other than Christianity/Catholicism) to agree that if you don't want your own faith to determine how the state treats YOU, that it wouldn't be appropriate for anyone else to be treated that way"

That said, let us move onto the NEXT Texas Good Ol' Boy that thinks his accent and his propensity for becoming befuddled when asked a direct question may be JUST charming enough to get him the Republican endorsement.

If you've read this blog for a few minutes, or paid even the slightest attention to the HUGE collection of keywords to the left of this post, you've probably figured out that I am a strong supporter of American citizens' access to sex education and birth control. Typically, conservatives vote for abstinence-only sex education programs, which have been proven again and again to be ineffectual in preventing teen pregnancy or circumventing disease. The idea of the abstinence-only programs were to affirm that sexual abstinence before marriage was the only acceptable standard of behavior for young people in America. Sounds like a freakin' fairy tale, doesn't it?  Rick Perry doesn't think so. His strict abstinence-only sex-ed policies in Texas  high schools resulted in MORE teens having sex and more births to teenage mothers in as little as a year.

From a Huffington Post article by Shawn Lawrence Otto:

"Instead of providing fact-based information, the programs use fear and Jesus -- over-emphasizing the risks of sexually transmitted diseases leading to cervical cancer, radical hysterectomy and death, together with Christian morality.

One Texas public school district's sex ed handout is entitled "Things to Look for in a Mate:"
I. How they relate to God
A. Is Jesus their first love?
B. Trying to impress people or serve God?

Another public school district uses this:

Question: "What does the Bible say about sex before marriage/premarital sex?"

Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage/premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7).

The results? Teen pregnancy in Texas went up -- higher than before "abstinence only," and more than 50 percent higher than the national average. Even more troubling was that repeat teen pregnancy went up -- to the point that it, too, led the nation. It turns out that Texas kids thought that "if birth control doesn't work, why use it?"

It's also extremely tough for teenagers to get contraceptives in Texas. "If you are a kid, even in college, if it's state-funded you have to have parental consent," said Susan Tortolero, director of the Prevention Research Center at the University of Texas in Houston."

What the holy hell, man? Abstinence-only programs are as effective at deterring hormonally-charged, horny teens from sex about as well as most anti-drug commercials deter people from smoking pot. The point made by Otto is quite valid in that if people are taught that birth control doesn't work, there's no reason to use it. Additionally, these abstinence-only programs are well known to use misleading curriculum to scare young people away from sexual activity, as well as outright lies that could incite hateful attitudes toward students who are NOT Christian or adherent to Christian lifestyles. Some of the misinformation that ab-only programs are known to teach are as follows...

Educational fictionalizations that are racist in nature

The Holy Bible cited as a "medical reference"

Abstinence-only education ignores lesbians, gays, bisexual, and transgendered people

Same-sex behavior is only discussed in the context of disease and promiscuity

Half of all gay male teenagers test positive for HIV

Pregnancy can result from touching another persons genitals

If you don't believe me on the last one, try reading this desperate question from Yahoo Answers.  This kid knew enough about sex to know she'd had some variety of it, but too little to determine her actual risk factor.

Yeah, That's really fucking healthy, right there. Are we really wondering why kids are suffering from anxiety problems at that age?

Rick Perry's answer? Well, he doesn't really have one other than "abstinence works". This is his roundabout way of saying it when confronted with the fact that teen pregnancies had actually INCREASED in Texas with the implementation of these programs.



From AdvocatesForYouth.org:

"On one side are those that support comprehensive sex education—education that promotes abstinence but includes information about contraception and condoms to build young people's knowledge, attitudes and skills for when they do become sexually active. On the other side are those that favor abstinence-only-until-marriage—programs that promote "abstinence from sexual activity outside marriage as the expected standard of behavior. Proponents of abstinence-only programs believe that providing information about the health benefits of condoms or contraception contradicts their message of abstinence-only and undermines its impact. As such, abstinence-only programs provide no information about contraception beyond failure rates.
....
..Abstinence-only programs show little evidence of sustained (long-term) impact on attitudes and intentions. Worse, they show some negative impacts on youth's willingness to use contraception, including condoms, to prevent negative sexual health outcomes related to sexual intercourse. Importantly, only in one state did any program demonstrate short-term success in delaying the initiation of sex; none of these programs demonstrates evidence of long-term success in delaying sexual initiation among youth exposed to the programs or any evidence of success in reducing other sexual risk-taking behaviors among participants."

Not to be facetious, but here's a little clue about what happens with poor sex education...


I'm really not trying to beat anyone's head into the ground with this issue, but it's extremely important. Misinformation about a natural biological function that bears as many potential ramifications as sex does, is dangerous, ignorant, and I truly believe this misinformation is a major cause of so much fear and hatred in our society.

Right now, none of the major contenders for the 2012 republican candidacy are talking about this subject at all. To support abstinence-only education would leave them open to a full-assault on its ineffectiveness, to condemn it would risk their base of conservative voters. I'll leave it to you to decide.. do you really think that any of the GOP nutcases would agree to fund comprehensive sex education should they win the presidential election?

It's a pretty safe bet that they won't, actually. It would increase the awareness level of a whole generation of young, future voters, and they can't have that. They wouldn't be as easy to manipulate anymore through fear or guilt.

The only thing that I can say that's remotely positive about Rick Perry and sexual health is that I do agree with his Texas mandate regarding HPV vaccinations, which he's now trying to downplay as much as humanly possible.  He's AT LEAST one of the few GOP candidates that believes in abortion rights for incest/rape victims and in the case of maternal health risk, but that sad part is that almost all the rest of them seem to want to eliminate abortion rights completely. By comparison, Perry comes across as almost human.

Oh wait. Perry thinks that homeless people are homeless by choice...

"When Los Angeles passed an ordinance prohibiting people from camping out on city streets and sidewalks throughout the day, the ACLU sued; the ordinance was ruled unconstitutional. Recognizing that some people suddenly find themselves homeless because of tragic, unanticipated circumstances, I would not say that all homeless people are voluntarily in their predicament. Many homeless have chosen their lifestyle--not as a conscious lifestyle choice made in prior years of sobriety but through a series of decisions that not only led to their homelessness, but also perpetuate it. They choose to drink, they choose to get high, they choose to engage in a life or crime, and often they choose to do it all on the streets instead of in shelters where there is strict enforcement of prohibitions on such behavior. The homeless need help. But the help they need is to make some of their behavior more difficult to engage in. If you take a hard approach to blight, then you create a disincentive for continuing blight "


Source: On My Honor, by Gov. Rick Perry, p.127-128 Feb 12, 2008  

I'm sure the (more than) 15% of Americans living in poverty are really going to appreciate that sentiment. Especially when you compare the civil rights movement to the Republican struggle for lower corporate taxes..

Yeah, seriously. Check this out..

Now that's a guy who cares about the plight of Americans!

Perry likes to brag about all the jobs that have been created in Texas under his administration, but what he carefully avoids mentioning is that nearly all of those jobs pay minimum wage. Perry's job creation "accomplishments" have been called "one stage away from slavery", because although the people of Texas may be working, they are largely working for minimum wage with no medical benefits. The national average of Americans living in poverty is 15.1%, whereas in Texas that average stands at 18.4%. I suppose when someone breaks a limb, that's some sort of subconscious choice to be homeless, according to Perry's views on these matters.

"I'm Governor Rick Perry. And I'm proud to be here today with the Tea Party Express. And I simply want to get America working again and make Washington, D.C., as inconsequential in your life as I can. "

Source: 2011 GOP Tea Party debate in Tampa FL Sep 12, 2011   

Shit. Maybe it IS time for "class warfare".. Rather, maybe it's time for the subjugated class to actually fight BACK.

Why I'm never tagged in any Facebook party pictures (#1)

Believe it or not, what most people call "hate" can actually be healthy, or at least an indication that your brain still works well enough that it can survive the tidal wave of pointless stupidity that pop culture media tries to drown America in on a daily basis.

Yeah, bitches.. you heard me. SOME hate is healthy.

I hate reading or hearing about the Kardashians. I hate the fact that one cannot AVOID reading or hearing about the Kardashians. I do try, you understand. It's simply impossible, what with their mom, and all the press she can buy, literally hammering people in the head with the name "Kardashian" every time they get online, turn on their television, or go outside their homes. I find this so obnoxious that there is actually a little part of me that longs for the day that Google actually DOES become "Big Brother". Some "top men" at Google get to watch me take a bath (their problem, not mine), and I can filter this crap out of my life entirely with a command as simple as "-kardashian".

Take note of the fact that I did NOT say "I hate the Kardashians". That kind of blind hate is for the simple and ignorant, and that's not something I'll allow myself to become. I really don't think that the word "hate" is the best word for how I DO feel about the tsunami that is Kardashian, but it packs a wallop of venom that I just feel like spraying out at this subject. It's not the actual girls that I dislike, it's what comes with them and what they represent.

So here you go, girls. Let it all out. Add to this. Go for it.

It's OKAY to hate this shit. If you feel anger at the suggestion that you should support the Kardashian Empire..it's okay. Allow me to validate your rage. Here are two answered arguments that you may freely use to support your disgust at all things Kardashian.


Argument One:

(arguments will be phrased much the way I expect they would be phrased by the type of person who would rush to the defense of the Kardashians)

"They're so successful! So ambitious! You're just a jealous bitch and a HATER!"

RICH AND FAMOUS!!! FOR.... Nothing?

The secret of their success is... Daddy. Oh yeah, and Daddy's money. Isn't that where you get all YOUR money? From your Daddy? Well.. if it isn't, then clearly your priorities and values leave much to be desired.

The Kardashian girls have been QUITE successful at not running out of all that money because it's been invested wisely.. by their Mom. With Mom's pitbull-like grasp on her daughters, her business savvy, and her uncanny ability to exploit her children PAST the age of majority, those girls don't have a chance in hell at making the inexperienced decisions that they surely would if not so sternly directed. Under the guidance of She-Who-Owns-Bruce-Jenner, the Kardashians now lend their name to a clothing line that's giving white supremacists a fashionable new day in the sun. 

When your very first steps were paved with gold, your family's provided the best education, diet, and stylists for your ENTIRE LIFE, I should FUCKING hope you're ambitious enough to do something other than sit around on your ass. I'm sick to death of hearing about how ambitious these girls are. Their MOM is ambitious... ambitious to such a frightening extent that I firmly believe if the right advisor could convince her that amputees were in, she'd ask the girls over for brunch at Al's House of Fire-Axes, scheduled to provide enough healing time between a limb-ectomy and People Magazine's annual "Most Beautiful People" edition. For one thing, they don't have to do much to appear ambitious, because every time they lift a (well-planned and carefully staged) finger in front of the public eye, they turn donkey shit to gold ALL THROUGH THE MAGIC OF TELEVISION.

Even crazy Mommy Dearest can get a little excited and fail to read the fine print. In all fairness, she was probably still squinting, waiting for her henchmen to pull their shit together and kidnap a child (with the right genetic match this time, you morons!!!) whose corneas and youth-essence she could harvest, when she unwittingly plastered the half-naked and very expensive images of her offspring all over debit cards that were designed to both:

1. identify their user as a sad, pop-culture obsessed little fan-girl
and
2. to ass-rape the credit history of those users every time they so much as used those cards to buy a magazine (probably containing something about some guy that one of the Kardashians was fucking that week).

Argument Two:
"OMG, U R SOOOO MEAN. THE KARDASHIANS ARE NICE GIRLS WHO ARE REALLY NORMAL EVEN IF THEY R RICH! U JUST WISH U LOOKED LIKE THEM AND HAD THEIR MOENY!"

How nice are they, really?

I submit the following videos for your perusal:

A nice evening at home with the Kardashians



Nice, huh?

How about this next one with the Matriarch at the helm of a deal showcasing one girl, and suggesting to the others that it's a GOOD idea that the other two ride on her coattails later on ..



Oh come on, Khloe... you're ALMOST too fat to even be IN this family, and Kourtney, you're just ugly enough to be cute... like a Chihuahua. How about if I just start carrying you in my purse and maybe we can get a dog products line for you..?

From what I've seen, the Kardashians spend enough money on one lunch to feed a small family for a month, and then they don't even eat it because they're too busy arguing with each other about who's getting more attention from one week to the next. They have done some relatively normal things like getting knocked up and/or married, but when is the last time a network came banging down your door with a million-dollar deal to film you having it out with your douchebag boyfriend and your mom during the annual family-free-for-all at Thanksgiving dinner?

Finally, the Kardashians look as good as they do because they can afford to have ANYTHING and EVERYTHING painted, sprayed, tucked, frosted, conditioned, glossed, waxed, or lifted whenever they wish. With the right stylist and team of aetheticians, you wouldn't recognize and might probably hit on your own sister.

In case you don't want to take my word for it.. Behold...

Eva Longoria - Before and After



Not that anyone's going to break their ass trying to get into her panties, but here you go..

Barbara Streisand - Before and After



and finally, Christina Ricci, with and without makeup..

Barbie and Ken - Gone With The Wind Edition (1)

I live in the South. Not the gap-toothed, pig-brain eatin', squirrel-huntin', marry-your-cousin South (been out of Mississippi for four years and ain't lookin back!!!!), but Southern enough that I am surrounded by Southern Belles, cluttering up the social scene with their giant hats, skirts, and attitudes.

Southern.
FUCKING.
Belles.

Okay, they might not have the hats and skirts, and women everywhere can be bitches. You don't have to be a Southern Belle to be a giant pain the ass. In the South, there are quite a few "Neo-Belles" that have modernized exactly parallel to Reconstruction.

Take a drive through anywhere that's NOT Atlanta, GA and see how well "reconstruction" pulled shit together for the South.

ANYWHOO... The new Southern Belles are comprised of a hint of Stepford Wife, a dash of Southern Charm, several pounds of pageant-level makeup, a sprinkling of acrylic nail-tips, and a bitchy helping of pure cunning. They're prepared by baking them in a tanning bed to a delicate beige (or the spray-on, no bake version), and are usually presented with garnishings from high-name fashion labels, mainly purses and shoes, that individually cost more per item than most people pay monthly for auto insurance.

Where I live, there are things a lady doesn't do. Preferably, she doesn't swear, smoke, go out of the house without full makeup, fail to accessorize, laugh too loudly, understand adult-themed jokes, have anything other than a conservative political viewpoint, talk about (or understand) that political viewpoint very often, have hair colored too brightly, have tattoos, have piercings anywhere but her earlobes, initiate conversations, have anything unpleasant to talk about, eat til they are full, or drink ANYTHING but wine, and lots of it.

After all, it's WINE. It's fuckin' classy.

What a CATCH for you guys! What a charming little lily she must be! How feminine! How strong in that femininity, yet delicate and in need of protection! YOUR protection! Just having a little slice of Georgia Peach pie on your arm like her, your life will be set! You can take THIS one home to Mom, Dad, and your Pastor!

Of course, with all that "fiddle dee dee" and such, comes a few side effects. Despite the grooming and manners that leave this woman a visually appealing, seemingly inoffensive cyborg, at heart she's still human. Imperfections are going to seep through and build up in the seams. When the Maybelline-reinforced dam breaks, the facade will crumble, fully and irreparably tarnished in a flood of chardonnay, mascara, and foundation. Much like how you'd envision a wet fart escaping both a corset and a hoop-skirt...

See, this is not a way to live. This is a mode of female behavior that is positively reinforced by men. I'm not saying that women are blameless in this, but come on y'all.. IT WORKS. EVERY GODDAMN TIME. This milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! DAMN RIGHT, it's better than yours! What's the harm, right? Life is about compromise and balance, so isn't it great to have a partner that compliments and reinforces the gender role you idealize?

Well, not really... because it's not real.  We are living in a postmodern world, so no one does any of the work that used to come along with these gender roles. If they did, we wouldn't have so many deadbeat dads, take-out or instant "meals", or kids getting each other pregnant in middle schools. The man who is supposedly the head of the household and the stronger of the couple isn't actually in charge of anything at all, and he knows it. As far as I can see, he never actually has been, which is why it DIDN'T WORK and we all were supposed to take more responsibility for being whole people after the women's movement.

This is a dated ideal of femininity that we can see in our previous generations, like our mothers and grandmothers. Think back.. your dad or your grandfather probably got away with running his mouth a hell of a lot more often than a man would be able to do in today's world, and that's not a trend that anyone really wants to return. Even those guys of you out there who will complain about the "feminization" of society will have to agree.. no one enjoyed having to endure dad's hissyfit about the dishes (that was about everything in his life BUT the dishes) while mom waited it out, only to leap to action the second he left the room in an effort to restore the tone of the household after he got done being a blowhard. That scenario is perhaps a bit specific, but I'm sure that most of you, male or female, could relate with a similar recollection of inappropriate aggressive behavior from your dad.

Mom may have worked too, but of your two parents, she was probably the most likely to remember all of your allergies, food preferences, phobias, interests, and how much it ACTUALLY cost to feed, clothe, house, and medicate you. If you want to delve a little deeper, she was probably in charge of the household finances, food, schedule, and social events. Yet, despite being at the reins in all of these important aspects of family life, she never did the one thing that you would have given up all your birthday money for.. No matter how out of touch, incorrect, or unreasonable your dad's outbursts might have been, somehow there were never any real consequences in place to make that guy shut the FUCK up and knock it off. There was an APPEARANCE, perhaps, that Dad ran the show.. what with Mom listening to whatever crazy shit flew out of his mouth and making an effort to treat it as though it were somehow relevant to something on this planet.. but maybe that's what she put up with in order to keep him working and making more money that she could delegate to the household.  In retrospect, I don't think either one of them looked particularly happy with the arrangement, but they sure as hell kept it going..

All of that being said, recalled, and cringed at.. I'm not here to vilify men and fathers. Not at all. It's not entirely their fault. While your mom sat there and took it, she was storing up currency in her emotional-blackmail savings account, which (instead of demanding his ass to cash the check that his smart mouth wrote), she would spend at a later time of her choosing to admonish him into doing something or other that she wanted him to do. Meanwhile, there are kids living under terrorism in the middle of this ongoing war, never sure where their loyalties should lie or what the hell is going to happen in the next five minutes.

All because Scarlett would rather be a painted doll who could blame all the bad decisions on Rhett, because he's always been in charge, and Rhett didn't want anyone around who could challenge his fragile ego or tell him how to behave.. even if he really needed to hear it. For some reason, people are under the delusion that it's far easier to absolve yourself of responsibility for your life and what you bring or allow into it, rather than to take the risk that Rhett really WON'T give a damn and go off into the sunset, piss-poor attitude in tow. God forbid, Rhett go out and meet someone who tells him he's totally full of shit and he can behave or move on. Sheesh.. it's like you expect someone to mature or something..

WHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

Oh yeah.. a woman alone is incomplete. If, as a woman, you render yourself helpless to stand up for yourself or go get your own drink, then I guess you are incomplete without a stronger personality around who can cover your ass. It's also a lot easier to pretend to be a strong personality when you have someone next to you who both builds you a fan club and seems to enjoy disappearing into your shadow.

It's not specifically anyone's fault. As much as I'm grateful for the feminist movement, we've still got a long way to go. Making men the enemy doesn't really help anyone out, and making women perpetual victims and martyrs has lead to nothing but self-esteem issues in both genders. Men need to have their own movement, and it really doesn't need to be about dominance, aggression, or anger. It also doesn't need to be a big self-stroking religious organization like the "Promise Keepers", where you have the ego security of a whole lot of men patting themselves and each other on the ass for not fucking around on their wives, like it's some huge freaking effort to keep your dick in your pants.

Guys, we know you have feelings. If you didn't care about things, you wouldn't get so pissed off about them. It's kind of a human being thing. Don't sweat it. There's nothing wrong with you if you want to hug the baby a little longer or keep a cat. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't, either. The problem isn't feeling something, its in getting angry because you feel something. Then you're just being a dick, and who the hell wants that around? A lot of you are trying to figure out exactly what you're supposed to be doing in a relationship these days, since it's plain to see from any sitcom, news story, or magazine article that you sure as FUCK shouldn't be model yourself after your dad. You probably didn't need to read or watch anything to figure out that you didn't really want to repeat a lot of what he did, anyway.


Feminism is a political ideal that demanded equal pay for equal work, a woman's control over her own body, and various other equalizing measures that were and are needed so that a woman has the same ability to support herself and her family as a man does. Time has proven that women can do the things outside the home that men can do. One of the most well-known activists of the feminist movement, Gloria Steinem, has been making the media rounds lately, promoting gender equality. Her message is that society recognizes that women can do what men can do, what we DON'T recognize is that men can also do what women can do. They can be just as nurturing and loving and sensitive as women have a reputation to be.

It takes a lot of balls to admit it if you have issues with anger or expressing yourself. It takes a lot of balls to get help and to say you were wrong. I'm sorry that a lot of us girls are using that against you, too. Because, yeah.. it's definitely happening and its a widespread problem.

I don't think there's a woman out there who wants society to regress back to a point that restricts her freedom, but there's an awful lot of you bitches running around, pretending that you're Scarlett O'Hara to snag a man. Like I said, it works. Scarlett doesn't have to bring much beyond her makeup bag and her acting skills to the table, and Rhett can sit comfortably by without direct challenge and with a pretty belle on his arm. Only now, Rhett Butler doesn't dare tell you he doesn't give a damn and leave, because he knows that he hasn't been paying you enough attention and that he was probably mean and scary. He doesn't walk out of your life and let you get along alone, because he knows he was probably insensitive. It's easier to just pay for your cellphone and shut your ass up, because at the end of the day, he was probably MORE wrong than you were. After all, look how upset you are.. how helpless you are. You're not like the other women out there.. you're.. delicate. You don't even swear! However will you hail a cab by yourself?! How will you get out and meet anyone else when you've spent so much time on him, the schmuck who was so lucky to find a real LADY in these complicated times! You only drink wine, not liquor, like those other rough girls out there.

PS: Girls, the label says "Arbor Mist", not "Arbor Monsoon". A drunk bitch is not a class act, no matter what she drank to get there.

So why won't we just freakin' stop already? We're playing games that aren't any fun and, over time, leave everyone miserable. What results from this bullshit are unreasonable expectations and dishonesty. No one's getting anything that they want, because they don't KNOW what they want and because no one is who they seem to be. What's worse is that we are probably closer than we've ever been to equality and understanding between the sexes, and for every step forward we take, someone finds a way to glamorize the concept of kicking us all back into the dark ages.

Ladies, give a man a noble purpose with you.. not an outdated, bullshit one. Let him meet your ACTUAL needs, not the ones you pretend to have to boost his ego. Southern Belles treat men like rabid possum that they need to lure into traps.. traps with merciless steel teeth that are hidden cleverly beneath those fucking hoop skirts. Once they trap him, they have to break him down with steady conditioning until he either snaps or shuts the hell down, soullessly compliant to commands. At that point, she deems him insensitive and boring.. which he is, because she's declared herself victimized by every feeling he's ever expressed, to the extent that life just became easier and he had less reason to hate himself if he just did what he was told, when he was told to do it.

Now, men who are cheering at this and doing chest bumps or whatever... what the hell were you doing to prevent this from happening to you? Did you go out there and meet an attractive, intellectually stimulating woman who can bring something to your life, or did you go find a pretty little thing that made you feel needed? I know there are women reading this who think I'm the most self-hating woman alive, but I'm not. Thank you, I like me very much. What I don't like is watching women treat men like animals, handle them like animals, and then run around all shocked and appalled when they end up acting like animals. I don't like watching men chase after women who don't have anything worthwhile to talk about, for the simple reason that they don't ever have to feel like anything less than her superior. Worse still, none of these behaviors are going to change until everyone accepts the fact that there's a difference between the desire for a romantic relationship and its actual necessity.

I don't know anyone who intentionally seeks out unhealthy relationships like these. No one has a plan to fuck up a partnership, for themselves or anyone else. After you've bounced in and out of a few, it might be worth a serious look at exactly what mistakes you're repeating. It's not rocket science to figure out that if there are elements to the relationship that make you uncomfortable early on, they're only going to get worse if they go unchecked. Humans are like any other mammal, and us mammals are ALL about the path of least resistance. If there's no reason to change, why should we?

So, Scarlett.. if Rhett has committed some unforgivable slight against your honor, either ditch Rhett's ass or shut up. If you don't want to be treated like a whore, quit letting him buy your forgiveness with actual money or goods (like jewelry). What you call "forgiveness", he sees as "right to tap that". Speaking of which, Rhett.. you need to quit buying her shit to solve your relationship problems. You dumb bastard. The interest rate goes nowhere but up, and she's been depreciating since you drove her ass off the lot. One day you're going to wake up and be pissed about it, and by that point, it's your own goddamn fault for not putting the screws to it early on before she'd invested enough of her time in you that she has the right to demand retribution for your outburst.

And so the cycle of anger-prone fathers and passive-aggressive mothers continues...