Yes! Without a doubt!
I think Putin would like to be puttin out!
hahaha
CLICK HERE for a direct link to "PUT(T)IN OUT"
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Put(t)in Out! Pro-LGBT, Anti-Putin Video Is Fucking Awesome
Enjoy the most colorful images you've ever seen of everyone's favorite Russian closet-case!
Yes! Without a doubt!
I think Putin would like to be puttin out!
hahaha
CLICK HERE for a direct link to "PUT(T)IN OUT"
Yes! Without a doubt!
I think Putin would like to be puttin out!
hahaha
CLICK HERE for a direct link to "PUT(T)IN OUT"
Saturday, November 12, 2011
By Request Of Readers - The Feminine Context for Kindle!
Yes, I was asked to do this. I figure, what the hell? Might reach some pissy broads like myself who are extra pissy because they're short on time to access the internet.
Enjoy, Kindlers!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
More Questionable And Hilarious Products As Reviewed By TFC
For the most part, I really don't like to go shopping. To hell with crowds and overhead lighting. Most of my problem with shopping is that paying a store's label price really eats away at some portion of my penny-pinching, price-comparing soul. Besides, shopping offline limits one to a PG-rated experience, bland and devoid of the rich (and often ridiculous) wide-open internet marketplace. Only that kind of "free market" could allow for products like this..
The Baggy Winecoat
It's Sex and the City, bitches! Now, available everywhere you can take a purse and a morally-casual attitude towards your increasing alcohol dependency, which would be.. well, everywhere with THIS handy and stylish bag. We all know that closet alcoholism is coming back in style (also mirrored here at OpenSalon), especially among the suburban soccer mom set. Go all Martha Stewart on this swag by taking the label off one of your fancy purses and affixing it to this lovely wine-in-a-box tote, adding class and sophistication to your new wine-swilling accessory! For extra points, make sure the purse that you rip the label off of is one of those that costs the equivalent of the average American's monthly housing payment. If it's not EXCESS, it's not SUCCESS! Sure, one of those heifers from the PTA is bound to point out that it's not Prada, but after a refill or two into those seemingly innocuous Dixie-cups, she won't give a damn anymore and neither will you.
PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.
PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.
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Arm-Shapers
Okay, so everyone has a few baggy places they'd like to tighten up, after all.. everyone has this idea that they want to be lean and slim and .. what the holy hell ?
Padded Butt Enhancing Panties
... and the winner for best product to ensure lifelong emotional scarring when found in mom's laundry.. ASS-PILLOW PANTIES! Remember all of those helpful, hurtful, degrading dieting and fitness tips, ladies? The ones mom shared out of maternal concern, sharp and cutting, letting you know that the source of life's happiness is found only in the reduction of your derriere? ALL LIES!!! LIES, I TELL YOU! The old broad was coveting your bountifulness the entire time!!! She was trying to bring you down! Down to her assless level! Apparently, curves actually ARE where it's at! Unless you have them in the wrong places, I suppose. Too much curvature in those places requires management and a barrier method, such as..
You know how you avoid unwanted toe? It's not in buying a prosthetic "Barbie Crotch" (as xojane.com so lovingly put it). It's really simple. Quit trying to shove your size 16 ass into those size 6 pants. Remember, your bubble-butt is obviously a desirable physical characteristic if there are actually "shapewear" products ugly as sin that are designed to try and mimic it. I'd say to embrace your big ass, except people's spines don't actually twist in such a way that its physiologically possible. It occurs to me, that the combined effort of all of this "shapewear" (arm shapers, butt/hip pads, and vulva-flattening devices of your choice) could easily result in a new female form that looks something like this:
Sexy, huh?
There are plenty of unnatural and disturbing ways to alter your body, and some of them are pretty interesting..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye
Jesus H. Christ... Rome is burning and we're worried about how well the carpet matches the drapes?
The best part is the actual product description:
(I suppose this is the "consumer-friendly" way of telling you that it won't burn your pubes off)
Natural looking.
(Note: This is the product description for a bottle of ULTRA-VIOLET colored pubic hair dye)
Covers gray.
(Just about as well as those other purple and blue shades that Gramma uses on her HEAD)
Lasts about four-five weeks.
(Which is about four to four and a half weeks longer than it takes for the average person to come off of a bender and wonder what the fuck possessed them to dye their pubes freakin' purple)
No drip - no mess formula.
(God, if only vaginas came with that sort of user assurance..)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, for something completely harmless and adorable.. take a look at THIS cute little guy!
But it's not. It's a stuffed toy made in the likeness of a molecular view of HPV. It comes with a tag that bears an actual molecular image of the virus, and a brief description. It's marketed as an educational toy. The one below is a plush-toy representation of chlamydia.
Who knew chlamydia had such cute little buggy eyes?? Immediately following Chlamydia is HIV, a serious looking little microbe who's donning a sporty and socially-conscious red awareness ribbon.
I know I'm a sick bitch and all, but somehow I kind of like the plushie microbes. Huzzah for internet shopping and the assurance that I don't have to stand in line at a register while people judge me by my bizarre purchases. haha.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Occupy Humanity: Can Empathy Be Saved?
Like most Americans these days, I have worked a variety of jobs over the years. Somehow I have managed to maintain a common thread of occupational skills between jobs, because almost all of the positions I've held have been associated with caregiving. Each new employer could look back on my resume and see that I had been charged with the responsibility of caring for living beings that whose very survival depended on me in one way or another. Whether I cared for children, older adults, disabled persons, or animals, the rules are pretty much the same.
No matter who or what you are responsible for, you must treat them with respect and attempt to maintain the dignity and comfort of that individual. I don't care if you're caring for a sick, aggressive pitbull, or a sick, aggressive older man with dementia; you keep BOTH your prejudice AND "values" the hell out of the room and treat either scenario with the same amount of respect and concern. If you think you can treat either the dog or the man with less respect than the other, then you obviously have no business caring for the one who (due to your bias) receives less of your respect. When it comes to caring for that other living person, their rights are up there nearer to the ceiling, whereas yours are somewhere down below the sewer lines.
That's not an exaggeration or veiled complaint. It has to be that way. Placing the utmost emphasis on the needs of the being who is dependent on you is the only way to ensure that you meet those needs appropriately. Working within this structure of "them before us" prevents neglect, and oddly enough, high turnover of caregiver employees. If you can complete the tasks necessary for your job, do them correctly, and adhere to the standards expected from someone in your particular position, it's a lot easier to "leave it at work" and feel good about what you've done. Those who can achieve some level of "job satisfaction" are a lot more likely to remain in their line of work.
Certain things really came into focus for me when I became certified as a nurse aide. I decided that I eventually wanted to become a registered nurse. Having researched the field of nursing, I became aware that in a hospital or nursing home, nurse aides perform basic nursing tasks under the direction of registered nurses. RNs have more education and authority than nurse aides, and are paid better because of it. It makes no sense from a financial standpoint to pay for a floor's worth of RNs when you can pay a few of them to supervise a team of aides who are trained for basic nursing tasks. I got that part. What I didn't understand is how anyone thought they could be a good supervisor when they'd never done the actual job of the person below them. Thus, I decided to learn the "grunt work" and become a certified aide. I figured if I could get through physically challenging part of nursing, I could get through the academic parts a lot easier, PLUS I'd be a much more effective supervisory nurse than one who'd never had to work as an aide.
I realize now that I had identified a need to develop empathy.
At the time, I just figured it would be in my best interest to be prepared, and that the discipline of learning the job that "real nurses" didn't want to do could only help me in my studies later on. In retrospect, I think there was some part of me that wasn't quite "ripe" yet, and even then, young and stupid, I knew it. I was trying to develop a part of me that could extend the necessity of my career beyond simply meeting my own needs. An ever nagging, "pragmatic" part of me kept whispering in the background, "This is a waste of time. You're practically a straight-a student and you're dicking around with this diploma when you could be putting time into a degree". The "pragmatic" voices outside of my head, namely two friends who were (respectively) a dentist and a doctor, were both pretty busy calling me a fool for not pursuing a degree that would lead me to medical school. They treated my decision to become a nurse like a mental illness, or some sort of self-destructive habit. Upon finding out that I had chosen to first become a nurse aide and not even a full nurse, they began avoiding me whenever possible. My dad, who I'm sure wanted nothing but the best for me, wanted me to do something with my mad computer skills, but the idea of sitting on my ass working in an office (and the few times I had done so) made me sick. Sometimes I wonder if he didn't get some sort of 1980's power-suit idea in his head, and likened that and the presumably accompanying business/marketing/information technology degree to "success". In short, the thought of me changing bedpans seemed to make him feel like I was pursuing a diploma program as a scullery-maid, or worse, scullery-maid trainee. He thought it was "beneath" my capabilities, which didn't exactly make me feel great about my chosen career when things were tough. I took a little bittersweet solace in the fact that almost every one of my friends who had gotten degrees in those aforementioned fields had ended up working jobs in coffee houses or in offices that I, without a degree of that kind, could easily talk my way into. Even though I felt bad for my friends, whose own dads had clearly won the day, at least I knew I'd have a job eventually taking CARE of their dads.
I think it's kind of funny, in a dry sort of way, to recall that all the disapproving people in my life were politically conservative. I'll get back to that in a moment, though.
During the course of my later work in elder care, I realized that by putting my opinions and feelings on hold while I was on duty, I was actually able to not only do my job, but thrive in it. I've met a lot of "retired" CNAs who are working in other fields, usually due to their decision that caregiving work was "too depressing" for them. It's not like these women are making any more money than they were as aides, but the idea of being around people who were either actively dying or just irreversibly on their way to death, was more than they could bear. I had been taught a lot in my courses and a few rules still stick out, even after all the time that's passed between then and now. Notably..
1 - Certain things are never to be brought in to your working hours with someone you are taking care of, specifically your germs and bacteria, your negative emotions, your religion (or lack thereof), your political opinions, and details of your personal life.
2 - Certain things are never to be brought out from your working hours with someone you are taking care of, such as their germs and bacteria, their negative emotions, their religion (or lack thereof), their political opinions, and details of their personal life.
3 - Thou shalt never violate, and always remain alert and in timely practice of the laws of the land. It is your place to adhere to them, not bend, alter, or disrespect them. In remaining vigilant in adherence to legal and ethical standards, the client and caregiver shall both be protected.
4 - Lots of things are simply none of your business. No, really, most things are none of your business. That doesn't mean you get to be snippy and make a comment, gesture, or other flippant, passive-aggressive action that indicates your opinion while somewhat satisfying the job requirement that makes this issue none of your business. If you cannot work with someone without making things your business that shouldn't BE your business, you should call your agency, explain YOUR failing, and ask to be assigned elsewhere (if they still want someone like you to work for them).
5 - It IS your business to care enough about the things that are important to your client (religion, politics, family) to listen, learn, and be able to carry on a conversation that addresses THEIR need for camaraderie, NOT YOURS. If it has to be an act, be Oscar-worthy for it.
6 - If you are treated unkindly or with disrespect, you are never to respond in kind. It is your place to avoid those sorts of outbursts. If your client is too hostile and you cannot seem to resolve the issue OR work with it anymore, contact your supervisor for advice or another assignment. Additionally, consider another line of work. Clearly, something about you that you cannot help is too agitating to your client for you to remain caring for them, OR you're not adhering to rule #1, and/or #2.
These rules are probably read as simply "common sense", but when they have to be put into practice, one finds that most people don't have the discipline to follow them. Worse still, most people do not possess the empathy needed to obviate the need for discipline. If you can empathize with others as well as you need to in order to take full care of another living thing, then it shouldn't be so difficult that you NEED strong discipline to adhere to these fairly simple rules. If this empathy is what it takes to look after someone as their caregiver, then it is reasonable to assume that other positions of authority require the same. In fact, these rules could very easily apply to occupations like teacher, policeman, doctor..
.. politician.
It's really starting to concern me as I watch the ability to empathize, a necessary skill for those in a position of authority or as a representative of others, is not only difficult to discover in our "leaders", it is now something that some of us are beginning to treat with derision. The current crop of hopefuls for the GOP nomination are promoting the poorer sides of human nature to such an extent that public displays of it are not only being accepted, they are being celebrated. Public displays like booing our soldiers for asking questions that someone doesn't want to answer, laughing at the idea of someone dying due to lack of medical treatment, and making rape victims legally and permanently responsible for the ramifications of their attackers actions. Since when did our public opinion change from "Oh how awful, we can't let that happen if we can help it" to "serves them right"?
The "53%" rails against those who "don't pay taxes" because they're old and retired or they are literally so poor that they wouldn't survive if they did pay taxes on the mere pittance they make. The "53%" forget sales tax, payroll tax, and property taxes that everyone pays. Tax refunds are NOT "free money". Tax refunds are exactly that, a refund, of money that very poor people had ripped out of their paychecks over the year, causing strain and hardship to the family hanging on tooth and nail for that paycheck. Worse still, the "53%" have been so indoctrinated with hate, fear, and anger directed at their "opposition", they won't even stop and look at the fact that they are essentially fighting for the right to live a way that THEY don't even want to.
Empathy is defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another", which is something that politicians typically make grand attempts to feign, if nothing else. Historically, this has been done because the ability to empathize is typically demonstrated in those people we feel to be the "best" of us. Empathy is the reason your mother knew why you were sad, even when you didn't. It's why she still hugged you and loved you, even when you knowingly broke her rules. Empathy is the reason your friends call, make efforts to comfort, and listen to you cry when they never liked the stupid boyfriend who ended up breaking your heart exactly the way they KNEW he would. Empathy is the reason the best of your friends don't start off with "I told you so".
A massive load of "us against them" is being heaved upon our society, and the core premise is that the dirty, unwashed "them" is stealing undeserved resources from the noble, moral pockets of "us". Through misdirection of fear and anxiety, some (like the" 53%") are blinded to the fact that there's an effort to divide the ACTUAL "us", and apparently it's working. The truth is that there's only about 1% of "them", and they're doing all they can to bleed "us" dry and cast us into a million tiny factions until we don't recognize anyone else as one of "us". Worse still, "they" are claiming to be devout followers of Christianity, which requires empathy and love for others. "They" profess faith in an effort to make themselves appear moral, ethical, and inarguable. Real "faith" dictates that charity, tolerance, love, and concern for others is what makes you a morally upright human in the eyes of your God. Clearly "they" have no faith whatsoever in God, or they would trust that He would do His works and that their micromanagerial efforts here on Earth were not only unnecessary, but possibly an affront to Him.
With a bit of empathy for those that share your humanity, it's not hard to see that most of "us" are all suffering under the same tyranny brought about by just a few of "them".
The Feminine Context
No matter who or what you are responsible for, you must treat them with respect and attempt to maintain the dignity and comfort of that individual. I don't care if you're caring for a sick, aggressive pitbull, or a sick, aggressive older man with dementia; you keep BOTH your prejudice AND "values" the hell out of the room and treat either scenario with the same amount of respect and concern. If you think you can treat either the dog or the man with less respect than the other, then you obviously have no business caring for the one who (due to your bias) receives less of your respect. When it comes to caring for that other living person, their rights are up there nearer to the ceiling, whereas yours are somewhere down below the sewer lines.
That's not an exaggeration or veiled complaint. It has to be that way. Placing the utmost emphasis on the needs of the being who is dependent on you is the only way to ensure that you meet those needs appropriately. Working within this structure of "them before us" prevents neglect, and oddly enough, high turnover of caregiver employees. If you can complete the tasks necessary for your job, do them correctly, and adhere to the standards expected from someone in your particular position, it's a lot easier to "leave it at work" and feel good about what you've done. Those who can achieve some level of "job satisfaction" are a lot more likely to remain in their line of work.
Certain things really came into focus for me when I became certified as a nurse aide. I decided that I eventually wanted to become a registered nurse. Having researched the field of nursing, I became aware that in a hospital or nursing home, nurse aides perform basic nursing tasks under the direction of registered nurses. RNs have more education and authority than nurse aides, and are paid better because of it. It makes no sense from a financial standpoint to pay for a floor's worth of RNs when you can pay a few of them to supervise a team of aides who are trained for basic nursing tasks. I got that part. What I didn't understand is how anyone thought they could be a good supervisor when they'd never done the actual job of the person below them. Thus, I decided to learn the "grunt work" and become a certified aide. I figured if I could get through physically challenging part of nursing, I could get through the academic parts a lot easier, PLUS I'd be a much more effective supervisory nurse than one who'd never had to work as an aide.
I realize now that I had identified a need to develop empathy.
At the time, I just figured it would be in my best interest to be prepared, and that the discipline of learning the job that "real nurses" didn't want to do could only help me in my studies later on. In retrospect, I think there was some part of me that wasn't quite "ripe" yet, and even then, young and stupid, I knew it. I was trying to develop a part of me that could extend the necessity of my career beyond simply meeting my own needs. An ever nagging, "pragmatic" part of me kept whispering in the background, "This is a waste of time. You're practically a straight-a student and you're dicking around with this diploma when you could be putting time into a degree". The "pragmatic" voices outside of my head, namely two friends who were (respectively) a dentist and a doctor, were both pretty busy calling me a fool for not pursuing a degree that would lead me to medical school. They treated my decision to become a nurse like a mental illness, or some sort of self-destructive habit. Upon finding out that I had chosen to first become a nurse aide and not even a full nurse, they began avoiding me whenever possible. My dad, who I'm sure wanted nothing but the best for me, wanted me to do something with my mad computer skills, but the idea of sitting on my ass working in an office (and the few times I had done so) made me sick. Sometimes I wonder if he didn't get some sort of 1980's power-suit idea in his head, and likened that and the presumably accompanying business/marketing/information technology degree to "success". In short, the thought of me changing bedpans seemed to make him feel like I was pursuing a diploma program as a scullery-maid, or worse, scullery-maid trainee. He thought it was "beneath" my capabilities, which didn't exactly make me feel great about my chosen career when things were tough. I took a little bittersweet solace in the fact that almost every one of my friends who had gotten degrees in those aforementioned fields had ended up working jobs in coffee houses or in offices that I, without a degree of that kind, could easily talk my way into. Even though I felt bad for my friends, whose own dads had clearly won the day, at least I knew I'd have a job eventually taking CARE of their dads.
I think it's kind of funny, in a dry sort of way, to recall that all the disapproving people in my life were politically conservative. I'll get back to that in a moment, though.
During the course of my later work in elder care, I realized that by putting my opinions and feelings on hold while I was on duty, I was actually able to not only do my job, but thrive in it. I've met a lot of "retired" CNAs who are working in other fields, usually due to their decision that caregiving work was "too depressing" for them. It's not like these women are making any more money than they were as aides, but the idea of being around people who were either actively dying or just irreversibly on their way to death, was more than they could bear. I had been taught a lot in my courses and a few rules still stick out, even after all the time that's passed between then and now. Notably..
1 - Certain things are never to be brought in to your working hours with someone you are taking care of, specifically your germs and bacteria, your negative emotions, your religion (or lack thereof), your political opinions, and details of your personal life.
2 - Certain things are never to be brought out from your working hours with someone you are taking care of, such as their germs and bacteria, their negative emotions, their religion (or lack thereof), their political opinions, and details of their personal life.
3 - Thou shalt never violate, and always remain alert and in timely practice of the laws of the land. It is your place to adhere to them, not bend, alter, or disrespect them. In remaining vigilant in adherence to legal and ethical standards, the client and caregiver shall both be protected.
4 - Lots of things are simply none of your business. No, really, most things are none of your business. That doesn't mean you get to be snippy and make a comment, gesture, or other flippant, passive-aggressive action that indicates your opinion while somewhat satisfying the job requirement that makes this issue none of your business. If you cannot work with someone without making things your business that shouldn't BE your business, you should call your agency, explain YOUR failing, and ask to be assigned elsewhere (if they still want someone like you to work for them).
5 - It IS your business to care enough about the things that are important to your client (religion, politics, family) to listen, learn, and be able to carry on a conversation that addresses THEIR need for camaraderie, NOT YOURS. If it has to be an act, be Oscar-worthy for it.
6 - If you are treated unkindly or with disrespect, you are never to respond in kind. It is your place to avoid those sorts of outbursts. If your client is too hostile and you cannot seem to resolve the issue OR work with it anymore, contact your supervisor for advice or another assignment. Additionally, consider another line of work. Clearly, something about you that you cannot help is too agitating to your client for you to remain caring for them, OR you're not adhering to rule #1, and/or #2.
These rules are probably read as simply "common sense", but when they have to be put into practice, one finds that most people don't have the discipline to follow them. Worse still, most people do not possess the empathy needed to obviate the need for discipline. If you can empathize with others as well as you need to in order to take full care of another living thing, then it shouldn't be so difficult that you NEED strong discipline to adhere to these fairly simple rules. If this empathy is what it takes to look after someone as their caregiver, then it is reasonable to assume that other positions of authority require the same. In fact, these rules could very easily apply to occupations like teacher, policeman, doctor..
.. politician.
It's really starting to concern me as I watch the ability to empathize, a necessary skill for those in a position of authority or as a representative of others, is not only difficult to discover in our "leaders", it is now something that some of us are beginning to treat with derision. The current crop of hopefuls for the GOP nomination are promoting the poorer sides of human nature to such an extent that public displays of it are not only being accepted, they are being celebrated. Public displays like booing our soldiers for asking questions that someone doesn't want to answer, laughing at the idea of someone dying due to lack of medical treatment, and making rape victims legally and permanently responsible for the ramifications of their attackers actions. Since when did our public opinion change from "Oh how awful, we can't let that happen if we can help it" to "serves them right"?
The "53%" rails against those who "don't pay taxes" because they're old and retired or they are literally so poor that they wouldn't survive if they did pay taxes on the mere pittance they make. The "53%" forget sales tax, payroll tax, and property taxes that everyone pays. Tax refunds are NOT "free money". Tax refunds are exactly that, a refund, of money that very poor people had ripped out of their paychecks over the year, causing strain and hardship to the family hanging on tooth and nail for that paycheck. Worse still, the "53%" have been so indoctrinated with hate, fear, and anger directed at their "opposition", they won't even stop and look at the fact that they are essentially fighting for the right to live a way that THEY don't even want to.
Empathy is defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another", which is something that politicians typically make grand attempts to feign, if nothing else. Historically, this has been done because the ability to empathize is typically demonstrated in those people we feel to be the "best" of us. Empathy is the reason your mother knew why you were sad, even when you didn't. It's why she still hugged you and loved you, even when you knowingly broke her rules. Empathy is the reason your friends call, make efforts to comfort, and listen to you cry when they never liked the stupid boyfriend who ended up breaking your heart exactly the way they KNEW he would. Empathy is the reason the best of your friends don't start off with "I told you so".
A massive load of "us against them" is being heaved upon our society, and the core premise is that the dirty, unwashed "them" is stealing undeserved resources from the noble, moral pockets of "us". Through misdirection of fear and anxiety, some (like the" 53%") are blinded to the fact that there's an effort to divide the ACTUAL "us", and apparently it's working. The truth is that there's only about 1% of "them", and they're doing all they can to bleed "us" dry and cast us into a million tiny factions until we don't recognize anyone else as one of "us". Worse still, "they" are claiming to be devout followers of Christianity, which requires empathy and love for others. "They" profess faith in an effort to make themselves appear moral, ethical, and inarguable. Real "faith" dictates that charity, tolerance, love, and concern for others is what makes you a morally upright human in the eyes of your God. Clearly "they" have no faith whatsoever in God, or they would trust that He would do His works and that their micromanagerial efforts here on Earth were not only unnecessary, but possibly an affront to Him.
With a bit of empathy for those that share your humanity, it's not hard to see that most of "us" are all suffering under the same tyranny brought about by just a few of "them".
The Feminine Context
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Occupy Together: Sad Paper Airplanes Don't Cost Postage
On October 28th, members of the Occupy Wall Street movement marched through Manhattan to the headquarters of many major banks, including Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, Bank Of America, JP Morgan Chase, and Well Fargo. Assembling outside the entrances to these banks, the OWS protesters threw paper airplanes made of folded up letters from members of the "99 percent". These letters had been written to banking executives and published to the website "OccupyTheBoardroom.com".
Now, personally.. I kinda dig the whole OccupyTheBoardroom thing. Here's a description, in their own words.
"Life gets awfully lonely for those at the top. What can we do to let them know someone's thinking of them? Maybe they need some new friends! We've thought of two ways we can help them with that.
Option 1: Pen Pals
Make your voice heard by the Wall Street elites who wrecked the economy and made the rest of us pay. Click on someone below and tell them a story that you think they should listen to. Just got a college degree and nothing to show for it? Just got evicted while your banker gets bonuses? Share your special story with someone who ought to know.
Option 2: Best Friends Forever
If you're feeling even more generous, why not reach out in a more creative way? Click on a banker below, then read the instructions and examples to get inspired. Maybe your banker needs some kind words, or maybe an intervention. Most importantly, use your imagination! The best, funniest, most revelatory interactions win prizes."
Now that's some old-school-meets-new-tech, good vibes, sarcastic American protesting. That warms me to the cockles of my heart. Maybe the sub-cockular area as well. Either way, I freakin' love it.
When you fold that shit up into a paper airplane, tossing it limp-wristed into the air to watch it nosedive onto the sidewalk... well, shit. How do I put this? This paper airplane gig leaves me cold. It kinda puts the "pussy" in "pusillanimous".
I'm sorry. I'm all for peaceful protesting, but the paper airplane thing looked sad and pitiful. It looked like a bunch of little birds dropping dead at the doorstep. On a purely visual level, to me it made the 99-percent look as weak and fragile as those paper airplanes that no one apparently knew how to fold in such a ways as to make them fly. Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch it for yourself by clicking here. Set it to a string quartet composition in a minor key, and it'll be the most depressing eighteen seconds ever filmed.
In what I can only surmise is a direct response to the sad paper airplane display, YouTube user RansackedRoom gives us THIS.
Our clever friend here has devised a lovely form of protest utilizing the junk mail that people receive every day from banking corporations. His suggestion is to take all of the credit card (and other banking product) offers received in the mail, and simply MAIL THEM BACK, using the postage-paid envelope that the banking corporation has so generously enclosed.
Don't stop there! He also recommends that while you add an insert of your own to indicate your support of the Occupy Movement, that you also enclose ALL your excess junk mail. Why? Well to drive up the postage cost to the bank, of course! For extra points, why not add a small piece of wood or roofing shingle? This will not only make the envelope heavy enough to count for extra postage, it will also make the envelope RIGID, which equals to an ADDITIONAL postage cost.
Sorry, but if I want to make an impact with a peaceful protest involving paper, I'd rather send a roofing shingle, an OWS-themed note, and a firm NO THANK YOU written on the offer sent to me by the bank, than to throw some dumbass paper airplane at a door. Besides, this also makes for a "greener" protest. RansackedRoom's method involves recycling materials that you would have only thrown away, and reusing them for a purpose.
Enjoy! I'm going to go start collecting flat, heavy things. Right after I check my mail.
If anyone's interested, RansackedRoom can be found on Twitter by clicking on this link.
The Feminine Context
Now, personally.. I kinda dig the whole OccupyTheBoardroom thing. Here's a description, in their own words.
"Life gets awfully lonely for those at the top. What can we do to let them know someone's thinking of them? Maybe they need some new friends! We've thought of two ways we can help them with that.
Option 1: Pen Pals
Make your voice heard by the Wall Street elites who wrecked the economy and made the rest of us pay. Click on someone below and tell them a story that you think they should listen to. Just got a college degree and nothing to show for it? Just got evicted while your banker gets bonuses? Share your special story with someone who ought to know.
Option 2: Best Friends Forever
If you're feeling even more generous, why not reach out in a more creative way? Click on a banker below, then read the instructions and examples to get inspired. Maybe your banker needs some kind words, or maybe an intervention. Most importantly, use your imagination! The best, funniest, most revelatory interactions win prizes."
Now that's some old-school-meets-new-tech, good vibes, sarcastic American protesting. That warms me to the cockles of my heart. Maybe the sub-cockular area as well. Either way, I freakin' love it.
When you fold that shit up into a paper airplane, tossing it limp-wristed into the air to watch it nosedive onto the sidewalk... well, shit. How do I put this? This paper airplane gig leaves me cold. It kinda puts the "pussy" in "pusillanimous".
I'm sorry. I'm all for peaceful protesting, but the paper airplane thing looked sad and pitiful. It looked like a bunch of little birds dropping dead at the doorstep. On a purely visual level, to me it made the 99-percent look as weak and fragile as those paper airplanes that no one apparently knew how to fold in such a ways as to make them fly. Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch it for yourself by clicking here. Set it to a string quartet composition in a minor key, and it'll be the most depressing eighteen seconds ever filmed.
In what I can only surmise is a direct response to the sad paper airplane display, YouTube user RansackedRoom gives us THIS.
Our clever friend here has devised a lovely form of protest utilizing the junk mail that people receive every day from banking corporations. His suggestion is to take all of the credit card (and other banking product) offers received in the mail, and simply MAIL THEM BACK, using the postage-paid envelope that the banking corporation has so generously enclosed.
Don't stop there! He also recommends that while you add an insert of your own to indicate your support of the Occupy Movement, that you also enclose ALL your excess junk mail. Why? Well to drive up the postage cost to the bank, of course! For extra points, why not add a small piece of wood or roofing shingle? This will not only make the envelope heavy enough to count for extra postage, it will also make the envelope RIGID, which equals to an ADDITIONAL postage cost.
Sorry, but if I want to make an impact with a peaceful protest involving paper, I'd rather send a roofing shingle, an OWS-themed note, and a firm NO THANK YOU written on the offer sent to me by the bank, than to throw some dumbass paper airplane at a door. Besides, this also makes for a "greener" protest. RansackedRoom's method involves recycling materials that you would have only thrown away, and reusing them for a purpose.
Enjoy! I'm going to go start collecting flat, heavy things. Right after I check my mail.
If anyone's interested, RansackedRoom can be found on Twitter by clicking on this link.
The Feminine Context
Monday, October 10, 2011
The 6 Worst Types Of Facebook Friends
For your amusement, six types of Facebook posters that are probably ruining your friends feed as we speak...
The Incessant Emo (IE)
Everyone has at least one or more of these among their friends. They never have anything pleasant to say. Now, it's not a requirement for me that my Facebook buddies fart rainbows and shit sunshine all day, every day. People normally have good days and bad days. That's fine. The Incessant Emo ONLY has bad days, and has an arsenal of depressing, maudlin, sullen comments to bomb your friends feed with, effectively commemorating every sad moment in their miserable existence. Does this look familiar to you?
Whiny McSadPants: you’re nothing more than my favorite scar - 6 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i’m just going to let my silence speak for itself and hope you hear it - 5 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i know when im being ignored. - 4 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: omg i soooo don't need this. work can suck my balls. im calling in again - 3 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i need a new job. apparently my old one doesn't recognize depression as an illness. - 2 hours ago
This asshole can't write his way out of an old paper bag with a machete-tipped pen, but I can guarantee you that he's got a journal of "deep thoughts" hidden away somewhere. Probably under his bed, which is, by his own admission(s), is the loneliest place on Isolation Street. If it's not that his girlfriend left him, its that he had to work and missed the midnight showing of "Twilight" and that's how chronically unfair life is to him. When the Incessant Emo ISN'T just whining at random, he has other bad social networking habits with which he will annoy you. Typical IE behaviors include:
- Posting "ironic" graphics. These are often blurry and/or black and white images of people with bad haircuts/piercing choices, looking angry, cold, hungry, sad, or maybe about to hurt themselves with sharp objects. Sometimes it's just a high-def black and white photo OF an object people are known to self-injure with (usually razor blades, but maybe pills or alcohol). The pictures usually have some short text emblazoned upon them, often mispelled, making what was supposed to be an edgy, dark statement into this afternoon's source of point-and-laugh hilarity.
- Posts that are intended to sound like a threat of self-injury or suicide. This are surefire attention-grabbers for people who haven't learned that it's better for everyone to IGNORE them. If you're actually concerned, it's better to send a private message in reply, than to open the big can of pity worms that's ready spring at the press of a "reply" button.
- Posts that link to music videos by bands you've barely heard of. Most of them sound exactly alike.
Not only does he pollute your friends list with his melodramatic outcries for attention, he has a tendency to hijack other people's POSITIVE news with his trademark patheticisms. Sure, when your baby was born he said "congrats", but then immediately updated his own status to something about being alone and how awful the world is.
If they're not "lifestyle emo", then there may be hope that this person will get the fuck over it in a few weeks/months. Otherwise, you're better off deleting some of the unyeilding negativity that's going to continue to flood your Facebook feed for all of eternity, or at least until their mom stops paying for their internet access.
The Edgy Activist (EA)
Your typical EA is either a college student, an adult (often male) over 40, or a stay-at-home mom. These are the people you friend on Facebook because you know them from "around" and a few posted infographics later, you can't help but regret your attempt to be sociable. EAs on my friends list have posted some of the dumbest, most short-sighted, and OFFENSIVE statements I have ever heard, and for me, that's saying something. I've had the entire goddamn internet at my disposal since I was seventeen years old.
I'm one of those crazy liberals, so most of that kind of propaganda doesn't bother or offend me. If anything, I find posts that are in support of gay marriage and women's reproductive rights to be enlightening or amusing, depending on how they are presented. That's not just because I'm a liberal, though. Most of THOSE posts are fairly positive and humorous in nature, trying to make light of a controversial situation.
What I just cannot force myself to get behind are the downright offensive statements that I see circulating about conservative opinions. Sometimes, I don't understand how I got to be friends with people who will post outright intolerance. I'm sure my conservative friends feel the same way about me, and I'm also sure that everyone ends up acting like a EA over some issue or another. The trick is to keep it to a limit. If that's ALL you end up posting about, you're gonna end up getting blocked.
The Mommy Monster (MM)
I'm guilty of being an MM, and most women who've had a baby have gone a bit MM at first. When you HAVE a baby, that baby becomes your whole entire world for a while. It's NORMAL, and it's part of being a good mom. I actually have to wonder about you if your Facebook posts are NOT baby-centered after just having one, it's only natural after going through pregnancy and delivering that baby for a person to want to SHOW that baby and talk about it all the time. I mean, damn, there's NOTHING that most women are more proud of than the beautiful, tiny little human who's so perfect.. aww!!!
That being said, there's a point where you need to calm down a bit.
It's not really the excited mother's posts about her own baby, its the ones about everyone ELSE'S babies. Nothing is worse than the mother who's discovered that her mothering-style is working SO WELL for her new little family, that she now believes its the only way to parent any child, anywhere. In fact, she's so convinced that she knows the way, she has no problem telling all the OTHER parents how to do their jobs better. It's not always a direct order, sometimes she tries the blatantly obvious passive-aggressive route. The MM will wait til another mom posts about her child's allergies, and then make a post about how she's SO glad the SHE chose breastfeeding because it helps to prevent allergies in the future. It's not that the MM's post is incorrect, breastfeeding DOES help prevent allergies and it is the best choice for babies. It's that this particular pro-breastfeeding post came POINTEDLY no less than 45 seconds AFTER the other mother shared her child's allergy story. It's a direct "this is why I'm a BETTER MOMMY THAN YOU" post, and it's a bitch move.
Come on, ladies. Let's try to be good mommies by setting a good example about being supportive and not COMPETITIVE with our friends. You kinda lose some "AWESOME MOM" points if you attempted to boost them by being a BITCH.
The Overgrown Adolescent (OA)
I can make an educated guess here that maybe 70-85% of your friends feed is littered with posts from these bastards, at any given time of the day. You've probably just come home from your job, where you busted your ass for eight hours or more trying to make enough to pay at least a few of your bills, and you open Facebook to see some horseshit like this:
Overgrown Adolescent: OMG. OMG. OMG. Me and Dumbass ClothesWhore need to go shopping!!!! - 6 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: We need to get tans first! did u see my sisters white-ass legs?? - 6 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: ikr?? shes in college and has her own place and a job. like, wtf can't she get a freakin spray-on or something? - 5 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: don't worry about it. she is like, the death of fun. shes in some boring ass science major so shes probably like, the only woman around. i guess she doesn't have to try around those geeks. - 5 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: i can't wait to get to the mall!! my dads all on my ass about getting a job and i told him that i cant afford to get my car fixed. u pick me up right? - 4 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: o ya.. i got my moms. my sister got it fixed! :DDDDD - 4 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: yay!!!!! now we can have our 27th b-day parties together at La Cantina! TEQUILA! - 3 hours ago
You see where this is going, don't you? There you are, tired as hell, with real issues of your own to deal with. You look on your Facebook to see how your mom is doing, or check in on a friend who's been having a rough time with her sick husband, and here is a whole conversation between two worthless bitches about wasting money and other people's time on STUPID BULLSHIT. It's one thing to live at home with reduced responsibility because you're in a jam. It's a whole other level of childishness to live at home and waste what money you can get together pretending that you're one of the fucking Kardashians. Worse still, making a point of putting down people who ARE working to handle REAL problems just lets everyone know that you're a walking waste of your parents time. It's better to cut these people off your list before you end up bashing your own head into your monitor in rage.
The Bitter Divorcee' (BD)
Well, no one can jump on this person's ass too hard. Most likely, their ex has probably done a hell of a job already.
Let's just be honest, this person is just like a terrible car wreck you pass on your way to work. It's awful, and it's scary, and it's upsetting to see, but still.. you can't turn away and not look at it. Watching a breakup occurring between two parties on Facebook is even worse. You may give yourself an internal talking-to about how you shouldn't pay it so much attention, and how awful it must be for both of them. No matter how much you hate yourself for it, you can't ignore it. This is the entire basis for reality television. People are nosy and are compelled to observe tragedy, and personal tragedy is even MORE compelling because its something people are usually trying to cover up.
After someone loses a lover, by any means, its like a limb has been ripped off. Except, they feel socially compelled to pretend it was never anything that they needed (like a limb), and to keep walking along (minus that limb they've become accustomed to) like everything is not only OKAY, but BETTER without it. It's a long process to get over that kind of emotional amputation, and during that process, your friends are going to see the pain no matter how hard you try and hide it. If anything, its worse when you do try to pretend that you're "fine". It's a seeping wound that's going to take a long time to heal, and there's nothing you can do but wait it out.
Why is WHY you shouldn't share posts about how much you're hurting with anyone but people that you can TRUST to handle it. Otherwise, you're running the risk of a flame war started by someone who doesn't know or care enough about you to be sensitive to your condition. Then your friends are going to have to get involved and back you up. More ugliness in the world develops out of breakups than anywhere else, and Facebook is like a petri dish for cultivating interpersonal problems.
The E-Culture Ignoramus (ECI)
I almost titled this one "The Geriatric", which isn't actually fair. I know quite a few geriatric people who are way more technologically advanced than some younger Facebook users. It's true that most ECI's are older, often someone's parents or grandparents, and aren't so much annoying, as they are totally and unintentionally fucking hilarious.
ECIs are mostly new to the internet, or will appear that way forever, coming from a background that doesn't value sarcasm as highly as the majority of internet users seem to. If they did, they would think about what dirty jokes or double-entendres or culture references could be drawn from the words they post, before they post them. If they were even slightly near the edge of average internet humor, they would at least understand the replies they're getting on the seemingly innocuous post they left on Facebook. This does NOT just occur on Facebook, but it's one of the many places it does show up. Here's a good example..
see more Failbook
.............. and the entire internet snickers with glee.
How about this one?
see more Failbook
I heard another story from a friend who's mom thought "LOL" meant "Lots of love". This resulted in her sending him a text message one day that read "Gramma died lol"
Of course, as bad as this might sound, nothing is worse than parents who actually do know how to post, but don't really have any sense of "netiquitte". Or plain don't give a fuck about it....
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
It's always funny til it's YOUR mom...
The Incessant Emo (IE)
Everyone has at least one or more of these among their friends. They never have anything pleasant to say. Now, it's not a requirement for me that my Facebook buddies fart rainbows and shit sunshine all day, every day. People normally have good days and bad days. That's fine. The Incessant Emo ONLY has bad days, and has an arsenal of depressing, maudlin, sullen comments to bomb your friends feed with, effectively commemorating every sad moment in their miserable existence. Does this look familiar to you?
Whiny McSadPants: you’re nothing more than my favorite scar - 6 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i’m just going to let my silence speak for itself and hope you hear it - 5 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i know when im being ignored. - 4 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: omg i soooo don't need this. work can suck my balls. im calling in again - 3 hours ago
Whiny McSadPants: i need a new job. apparently my old one doesn't recognize depression as an illness. - 2 hours ago
This asshole can't write his way out of an old paper bag with a machete-tipped pen, but I can guarantee you that he's got a journal of "deep thoughts" hidden away somewhere. Probably under his bed, which is, by his own admission(s), is the loneliest place on Isolation Street. If it's not that his girlfriend left him, its that he had to work and missed the midnight showing of "Twilight" and that's how chronically unfair life is to him. When the Incessant Emo ISN'T just whining at random, he has other bad social networking habits with which he will annoy you. Typical IE behaviors include:
- Posting "ironic" graphics. These are often blurry and/or black and white images of people with bad haircuts/piercing choices, looking angry, cold, hungry, sad, or maybe about to hurt themselves with sharp objects. Sometimes it's just a high-def black and white photo OF an object people are known to self-injure with (usually razor blades, but maybe pills or alcohol). The pictures usually have some short text emblazoned upon them, often mispelled, making what was supposed to be an edgy, dark statement into this afternoon's source of point-and-laugh hilarity.
- Posts that are intended to sound like a threat of self-injury or suicide. This are surefire attention-grabbers for people who haven't learned that it's better for everyone to IGNORE them. If you're actually concerned, it's better to send a private message in reply, than to open the big can of pity worms that's ready spring at the press of a "reply" button.
- Posts that link to music videos by bands you've barely heard of. Most of them sound exactly alike.
Not only does he pollute your friends list with his melodramatic outcries for attention, he has a tendency to hijack other people's POSITIVE news with his trademark patheticisms. Sure, when your baby was born he said "congrats", but then immediately updated his own status to something about being alone and how awful the world is.
If they're not "lifestyle emo", then there may be hope that this person will get the fuck over it in a few weeks/months. Otherwise, you're better off deleting some of the unyeilding negativity that's going to continue to flood your Facebook feed for all of eternity, or at least until their mom stops paying for their internet access.
The Edgy Activist (EA)
Your typical EA is either a college student, an adult (often male) over 40, or a stay-at-home mom. These are the people you friend on Facebook because you know them from "around" and a few posted infographics later, you can't help but regret your attempt to be sociable. EAs on my friends list have posted some of the dumbest, most short-sighted, and OFFENSIVE statements I have ever heard, and for me, that's saying something. I've had the entire goddamn internet at my disposal since I was seventeen years old.
I'm one of those crazy liberals, so most of that kind of propaganda doesn't bother or offend me. If anything, I find posts that are in support of gay marriage and women's reproductive rights to be enlightening or amusing, depending on how they are presented. That's not just because I'm a liberal, though. Most of THOSE posts are fairly positive and humorous in nature, trying to make light of a controversial situation.
What I just cannot force myself to get behind are the downright offensive statements that I see circulating about conservative opinions. Sometimes, I don't understand how I got to be friends with people who will post outright intolerance. I'm sure my conservative friends feel the same way about me, and I'm also sure that everyone ends up acting like a EA over some issue or another. The trick is to keep it to a limit. If that's ALL you end up posting about, you're gonna end up getting blocked.
The Mommy Monster (MM)
I'm guilty of being an MM, and most women who've had a baby have gone a bit MM at first. When you HAVE a baby, that baby becomes your whole entire world for a while. It's NORMAL, and it's part of being a good mom. I actually have to wonder about you if your Facebook posts are NOT baby-centered after just having one, it's only natural after going through pregnancy and delivering that baby for a person to want to SHOW that baby and talk about it all the time. I mean, damn, there's NOTHING that most women are more proud of than the beautiful, tiny little human who's so perfect.. aww!!!
That being said, there's a point where you need to calm down a bit.
It's not really the excited mother's posts about her own baby, its the ones about everyone ELSE'S babies. Nothing is worse than the mother who's discovered that her mothering-style is working SO WELL for her new little family, that she now believes its the only way to parent any child, anywhere. In fact, she's so convinced that she knows the way, she has no problem telling all the OTHER parents how to do their jobs better. It's not always a direct order, sometimes she tries the blatantly obvious passive-aggressive route. The MM will wait til another mom posts about her child's allergies, and then make a post about how she's SO glad the SHE chose breastfeeding because it helps to prevent allergies in the future. It's not that the MM's post is incorrect, breastfeeding DOES help prevent allergies and it is the best choice for babies. It's that this particular pro-breastfeeding post came POINTEDLY no less than 45 seconds AFTER the other mother shared her child's allergy story. It's a direct "this is why I'm a BETTER MOMMY THAN YOU" post, and it's a bitch move.
Come on, ladies. Let's try to be good mommies by setting a good example about being supportive and not COMPETITIVE with our friends. You kinda lose some "AWESOME MOM" points if you attempted to boost them by being a BITCH.
The Overgrown Adolescent (OA)
I can make an educated guess here that maybe 70-85% of your friends feed is littered with posts from these bastards, at any given time of the day. You've probably just come home from your job, where you busted your ass for eight hours or more trying to make enough to pay at least a few of your bills, and you open Facebook to see some horseshit like this:
Overgrown Adolescent: OMG. OMG. OMG. Me and Dumbass ClothesWhore need to go shopping!!!! - 6 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: We need to get tans first! did u see my sisters white-ass legs?? - 6 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: ikr?? shes in college and has her own place and a job. like, wtf can't she get a freakin spray-on or something? - 5 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: don't worry about it. she is like, the death of fun. shes in some boring ass science major so shes probably like, the only woman around. i guess she doesn't have to try around those geeks. - 5 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: i can't wait to get to the mall!! my dads all on my ass about getting a job and i told him that i cant afford to get my car fixed. u pick me up right? - 4 hours ago
Dumbass ClothesWhore: o ya.. i got my moms. my sister got it fixed! :DDDDD - 4 hours ago
Overgrown Adolescent: yay!!!!! now we can have our 27th b-day parties together at La Cantina! TEQUILA! - 3 hours ago
You see where this is going, don't you? There you are, tired as hell, with real issues of your own to deal with. You look on your Facebook to see how your mom is doing, or check in on a friend who's been having a rough time with her sick husband, and here is a whole conversation between two worthless bitches about wasting money and other people's time on STUPID BULLSHIT. It's one thing to live at home with reduced responsibility because you're in a jam. It's a whole other level of childishness to live at home and waste what money you can get together pretending that you're one of the fucking Kardashians. Worse still, making a point of putting down people who ARE working to handle REAL problems just lets everyone know that you're a walking waste of your parents time. It's better to cut these people off your list before you end up bashing your own head into your monitor in rage.
The Bitter Divorcee' (BD)
Well, no one can jump on this person's ass too hard. Most likely, their ex has probably done a hell of a job already.
Let's just be honest, this person is just like a terrible car wreck you pass on your way to work. It's awful, and it's scary, and it's upsetting to see, but still.. you can't turn away and not look at it. Watching a breakup occurring between two parties on Facebook is even worse. You may give yourself an internal talking-to about how you shouldn't pay it so much attention, and how awful it must be for both of them. No matter how much you hate yourself for it, you can't ignore it. This is the entire basis for reality television. People are nosy and are compelled to observe tragedy, and personal tragedy is even MORE compelling because its something people are usually trying to cover up.
After someone loses a lover, by any means, its like a limb has been ripped off. Except, they feel socially compelled to pretend it was never anything that they needed (like a limb), and to keep walking along (minus that limb they've become accustomed to) like everything is not only OKAY, but BETTER without it. It's a long process to get over that kind of emotional amputation, and during that process, your friends are going to see the pain no matter how hard you try and hide it. If anything, its worse when you do try to pretend that you're "fine". It's a seeping wound that's going to take a long time to heal, and there's nothing you can do but wait it out.
Why is WHY you shouldn't share posts about how much you're hurting with anyone but people that you can TRUST to handle it. Otherwise, you're running the risk of a flame war started by someone who doesn't know or care enough about you to be sensitive to your condition. Then your friends are going to have to get involved and back you up. More ugliness in the world develops out of breakups than anywhere else, and Facebook is like a petri dish for cultivating interpersonal problems.
The E-Culture Ignoramus (ECI)
I almost titled this one "The Geriatric", which isn't actually fair. I know quite a few geriatric people who are way more technologically advanced than some younger Facebook users. It's true that most ECI's are older, often someone's parents or grandparents, and aren't so much annoying, as they are totally and unintentionally fucking hilarious.
ECIs are mostly new to the internet, or will appear that way forever, coming from a background that doesn't value sarcasm as highly as the majority of internet users seem to. If they did, they would think about what dirty jokes or double-entendres or culture references could be drawn from the words they post, before they post them. If they were even slightly near the edge of average internet humor, they would at least understand the replies they're getting on the seemingly innocuous post they left on Facebook. This does NOT just occur on Facebook, but it's one of the many places it does show up. Here's a good example..
see more Failbook
.............. and the entire internet snickers with glee.
How about this one?
see more Failbook
I heard another story from a friend who's mom thought "LOL" meant "Lots of love". This resulted in her sending him a text message one day that read "Gramma died lol"
Of course, as bad as this might sound, nothing is worse than parents who actually do know how to post, but don't really have any sense of "netiquitte". Or plain don't give a fuck about it....
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
see more Failbook
It's always funny til it's YOUR mom...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Praising the Bar
I love to watch people. They're fucking hilarious, especially when they're trying to get laid. Of all creatures on the Earth, human beings really look the most awkward during coitus. Seriously, there's nothing on the Discovery Channel that can hold a candle to us when it comes to fugly mating rituals. This is probably because there aren't too many other animals that try to meet their potential mates while shitfaced in bars.
It's not so bad if you can toddle the line between sober and happy. "Happy", being the first step toward "tanked", at the far end of the scale of inebriation. For extra points, you can be considered one step back from "tanked" down to "plowed" if you can actually SAY the word "inebriated" while you're being hoisted by your underpants into the king cab of your friend's truck. If you don't stop drinking at "happy" you may experience severe visual distortions and lapses in good judgment. As a public service warning, this scale may help.
0 - Sober
Supermodel = Supermodel
1 - Happy
Girl behind bar = Supermodel
2 - Tipsy
Best friend's girlfriend = Supermodel
3 - Hammered
Best friend's mom = Jennifer Anniston (you'd do her, but she's waaaaay too fucking old to be a supermodel, even with your beer-goggles on)
4 - Shitfaced
Anything with breasts = FUCKKK ... WHO CARES ABOUT FUCKING A GODDAMN SUPERMODEL. A SUMPERPOODLE WOULDN'T FUCKIN' TALK TO ME, ANYWAY. SO, FUCK THAT BITCH.. FUCK THAT BITCH OVER THERE TOO GIVIN' ME LOOKS AND SHIT. I LIKE.. (hic) I LIKE FUCKIN' REEEAL WOMEN.. LIKE, FUCKIN A, MAN..YEAH FUCK EVERYBODY.
5 - Plowed
You = Person who is not quite sure if they put their dick back in when they left the urinal. Don't look down! That'd look weird. Maintain, goddamnit!
6 - Tanked
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Your friends don't really want you to stay with them, either. As a matter of fact, we really think its a better idea if you DO, in fact, go home. Go home. Seriously. Now. DRIVE SAFE!
As you can see, alcohol can definitely throw you off your game.. or into the arms of seventy-six year old Mamie, whose tan knee-highs you mistook for black thigh-highs and whose adult diaper fit so snug you thought she wasn't wearing anything at all under that leather skirt.
Oh God. That's not leather. .. and that's not a skirt.
By about 10pm, most of the bar is somewhere between "happy" and "tipsy", and people are having a great time talking to each other. If they're experienced bar hounds, this is the peak time that people begin selecting those individuals that they want to continue talking to all the way through "hammered". Depending upon environmental variables such as lighting, background noise, and crowd density, said individuals are often recalled to memory by a combination of their clothing and most obvious physical characteristics, such as:
Tall brunette, green shirt, no tits.
Short blonde, red shirt, big tits
Tall blonde, short shorts, check for dick later.
Experienced partiers know that it is important to make these selections before 11:30 or so, when people start doing shots. Once someone starts that shot-buying shit, then EVERYONE feels obligated to be a badass and buy some too. Everybody downs a shot (or ten), starts running out of cash, and that practically guarantees that whatever drinks that people buy AFTER shots will be strong as fuck, you know, to make 'em last.
If you haven't already picked someone to try and sidle up to between shots and closing, you might as well pack it in and go home a bit before everyone else does. He who hesitates is lost..... to Mamie.
It's not so bad if you can toddle the line between sober and happy. "Happy", being the first step toward "tanked", at the far end of the scale of inebriation. For extra points, you can be considered one step back from "tanked" down to "plowed" if you can actually SAY the word "inebriated" while you're being hoisted by your underpants into the king cab of your friend's truck. If you don't stop drinking at "happy" you may experience severe visual distortions and lapses in good judgment. As a public service warning, this scale may help.
0 - Sober
Supermodel = Supermodel
1 - Happy
Girl behind bar = Supermodel
2 - Tipsy
Best friend's girlfriend = Supermodel
3 - Hammered
Best friend's mom = Jennifer Anniston (you'd do her, but she's waaaaay too fucking old to be a supermodel, even with your beer-goggles on)
4 - Shitfaced
Anything with breasts = FUCKKK ... WHO CARES ABOUT FUCKING A GODDAMN SUPERMODEL. A SUMPERPOODLE WOULDN'T FUCKIN' TALK TO ME, ANYWAY. SO, FUCK THAT BITCH.. FUCK THAT BITCH OVER THERE TOO GIVIN' ME LOOKS AND SHIT. I LIKE.. (hic) I LIKE FUCKIN' REEEAL WOMEN.. LIKE, FUCKIN A, MAN..YEAH FUCK EVERYBODY.
5 - Plowed
You = Person who is not quite sure if they put their dick back in when they left the urinal. Don't look down! That'd look weird. Maintain, goddamnit!
6 - Tanked
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Your friends don't really want you to stay with them, either. As a matter of fact, we really think its a better idea if you DO, in fact, go home. Go home. Seriously. Now. DRIVE SAFE!
As you can see, alcohol can definitely throw you off your game.. or into the arms of seventy-six year old Mamie, whose tan knee-highs you mistook for black thigh-highs and whose adult diaper fit so snug you thought she wasn't wearing anything at all under that leather skirt.
Oh God. That's not leather. .. and that's not a skirt.
By about 10pm, most of the bar is somewhere between "happy" and "tipsy", and people are having a great time talking to each other. If they're experienced bar hounds, this is the peak time that people begin selecting those individuals that they want to continue talking to all the way through "hammered". Depending upon environmental variables such as lighting, background noise, and crowd density, said individuals are often recalled to memory by a combination of their clothing and most obvious physical characteristics, such as:
Tall brunette, green shirt, no tits.
Short blonde, red shirt, big tits
Tall blonde, short shorts, check for dick later.
Experienced partiers know that it is important to make these selections before 11:30 or so, when people start doing shots. Once someone starts that shot-buying shit, then EVERYONE feels obligated to be a badass and buy some too. Everybody downs a shot (or ten), starts running out of cash, and that practically guarantees that whatever drinks that people buy AFTER shots will be strong as fuck, you know, to make 'em last.
If you haven't already picked someone to try and sidle up to between shots and closing, you might as well pack it in and go home a bit before everyone else does. He who hesitates is lost..... to Mamie.
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