Why Men Call Women "Crazy" - Turns Out That It's Total Bullshit Like We Thought It Was

From "On Labeling Women 'Crazy'" by Harris O'Malley on HuffPost:

"Back in the bad old days, I was notoriously self-absorbed. It wasn't that I thought that I was the greatest thing ever, it was just that I didn't really stop to spare too many thoughts for others. I was willing to make an effort for others, but only so far as it didn't really inconvenience me past a "reasonable" point. I didn't want to have long drawn out conversations about how my behavior made my girlfriend feel and I certainly didn't want to get dragged into what I saw as unnecessary drama. In fact, I was incredibly drama-averse, thanks to an early unhealthy relationship.

As a result... well, I wasn't willing to consider how others were feeling. When the woman I was dating would try to explain to me how the way I treated her felt, I would tell her that she was seeing things. She was overreacting to inconsequential stuff. She was being over-sensitive, reading things into what I was saying or doing that just weren't there.

The subtext to everything I was saying was simple: "You are behaving in a way that I find inconvenient, and I want to you to stop." I wasn't willing to engage with her emotionally and address her very real concerns because I was too wrapped up in my own shit to think about other people. As a result, I would minimize her issues. By telling her that she was reading too much into things, I was framing the situation as her being irrational.

I didn't realize it at the time, but what I was doing was, in effect, telling her that she didn't have the right to feel the way she felt... because I didn't want her to feel that way."


I would love to see more of this kind of thought process from men. The patriarchal status quo ain't helpin THEM out either, making them all out to be emotionally-challenged, overgrown children who are incapable of interacting with others without gratuity. That's not healthy for anyone, and its not true. Following the societal norms of  traditional gender roles to the letter; fearful, skeptical, and cynical of any deviation, does nothing more than entrap us in unhappy lifestyles and a dangerous, violent culture.

The Feminine Context

I HAVE RAGING SHE-WOOD for Lily Allen - It's Hard Out Here for a Bitch

Lily Allen, I love you.

First thing she says in opening scene...

"I had two babies.."

FOR FUCKS SAKE YES.

Tell me when the march starts, bitch, cause I'm comin' with.

DIRECT LINK HERE - ANTHEM WORTHY- HARD OUT HERE FOR A BITCH


The Feminine Context

Three Of The BEST (so far) "Blurred Lines" Parody Videos

I won't even dignify this dudebro-anthem with a link to the original song. If you somehow haven't heard it or seen the obnoxious video for Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines", well.. fuck, you might have lucked out. While watching the following, just know that it went a LOT like these, only these videos are a lot more honest about what's going on in this highly criticized "date rape is okay" dance track.

Lemme tell ya, people... there are a shitload of DAMN GOOD parodies on this song. It's actually kind of hard to choose.

I would be remiss if I didn't place the sparkling gem "Defined Lines" by the FUCKING FANTASTIC "Law Revue". I am following their tweets and you should visit them @LawRevueGirls and do the same. Thank you, Law Revue. You are amazing, talented, and RIGHT ON TRACK.



I simply had to throw this one out by the fabulous Bart Baker, a true master of pop video parodies. PLEASE go visit him and give that guy a thumbs up. Thank you, Bart.. thank you for the #hashtagpolice, alone, let alone the goat!



Love this beauty from the brilliantly clever stand-up comedienne Melinda Hughes with the tremendously appropriate title of "Lame Lines" or "Douchebag" (as the chorus would suggest), which shows up as AND rhymes with "Hashtag" (kind of).

Speaking of which, Robin Thicke should be internationally barred from ever using hashtags again, in any context, ever. For all of time.

Ms. Hughes can also be found on the ol' Twitterverse @MelindaHug and has her own website HERE.

  The Feminine Context

Pink Pepper Spray: Form and Function and Really Fucked Up

Couldn't help but notice this tweet from the awesome @Kiskolee yesterday and just HAD to investigate...


She's got a point, you know..

So here I went onto the trusty ol' Google image search to see what I could find for the terms "pink pepper spray"..

Holy burning balls, Batman! That's a lot shitload of pink non-lethal self-defense items!

I thought maybe there would be a few pink-colored pepper sprays out there, but damn. As you can see (if you clicked on the link), there's an enormous variety of personal protection devices that all look like accessories for Barbie's Dream House (and Dream Car, and Dream Purse, and Dream Backpack, and Dream Laptop Case and Dream Office Desk, and Dream Hiding Place in the Dream Kitchen Cabinet, etc..).

Let's start with your basic pepper spray, which of course, comes in HOT PINK..


heh.. HOT pink. You got it, right? Cause it's PEPPER spray and its HOT...

I'm posting links directly to the places where you can buy these items, just in case you thought I was totally kidding.

Pink just got hotter with Hot Pink Mace Defense Spray!

From the website:

"Even when it comes to personal protection, girls want to look good and be in fashion. Now, you don't have to settle for a bland color that doesn't match anything. Spice it up!

Hot Pink Pepper Spray 

Fashionable 10% Mace Brand pink pepper spray"

You know us girls. Always wanting to look good and be fashionable. That's probably why we get raped so damn often, huh? I don't know about YOU bitches, but when I spray my attacker in the face, I want him to notice that I ACCESSORIZED before his eyes slam shut from the capsaicinoids assaulting his mucous membranes. That'll show him!

You don't want the cops to find your lifeless body and wonder why your nails and ineffective protection device DON'T MATCH! While they're busy wondering just what in the hell your silly ninny ass was doing out after dark by yourself, they might miss a doughnut or two because of your nausea-inducing lack of post-mortem fashion sense.


If that particular model will maybe make your ass look fat (HORRORS) in its slender design, perhaps you need something that offsets your greater-than-size-eight ham-hockedness! You know, like the control-top panties of pepper spraying accessories. ONE MUST ACCESSORIZE, GODDAMNIT!

Mace Pepper Gun Distance Defense Spray with LED, Hot Pink

..and who says that companies aren't catering to plus-sizes?

Ye gods..

If something a little less blatant appeals to you, try this FASHIONABLE little number..

Covert Pink Heart Lipstick Pepper Spray


For the lady who understands that its best that people believe you carry heart-shaped lipstick cases (as opposed to personal protection) wherever you go. It's much more feminine and lady-like to be maniacally-obssessed with one's appearance than to concern your pretty little head with defending yourself.

As much as I appreciate that the companies that make these things consider us girls so vain, vapid, and attracted to shiny, brightly colored things that even our last-ditch effort emergency life saving devices have to be "cute"... Well.. if you can make it PINK to appeal to my delicate sensibilities, why can't you bling it up a little bit to appeal to my stereotypical gold-digging whore sensibilities as well? DAMMIT, I'M A PRINCESS!

Oh shit.. I shouldn't have asked..


There's a whole lot of shit going on here, but we're gonna start with what the website says.

Guardian Girls "Winged Edition: Black with Pink Crystals"

"Guardian Girls Winged Edition pepper sprays are individually hand crafted and adorned with Swarovski crystals. The Winged Edition pepper spray features a custom re-usable design allowing you to insert a water cartridge for practice or a pepper spray cartridge for when you are on the go.

Available in a variety of color combinations, this beautifully decorated safety device is designed to provide dependable and effective self-defense allowing you to be safe & sexy."

Before I go any further, I DO want to recognize the Guardian Girls, their foundation and their blog, and specifically its founder, Yvonne Anderson. Ms. Anderson is a single mother who has firsthand experience dealing with a stalker. She chose to take the terror of that experience, turn it around and do something positive for other women. Guardian Girls' foundation helps to support a variety of charity organizations that improve the lives of women and their families and should be commended. Guardian Girls are able to support their good works for women via the sale of items like these, so I'm happy to give a link and shout-out to them. The thing is, its not Ms. Anderson or her organization that I take issue with.. its the market in which they have to compete and the social climate that breeds the market.

Personally, I find it horrific that we're literally trying "doll-up" these things we really shouldn't HAVE to be carrying just because we're women and we are expected to be ornamental at all times, apparently even in moments of extreme peril. We are so very conditioned to being adorned, accessorized, and fashionable that we're even seeking to make a WEAPON "girly" and "fun". With all due respect to Guardian Girls, the practice of Barbie-fying literally every product aimed at female consumers isn't merely sexist, but it contributes to the overall infantilization of women in society.

Just in case you think I'm overreaching here, THIS is what Google gave me as a definition for the word "infantilize".

Little GIRLS have pink, fluffy, sparkly shit marketed to them constantly. As for me, that's a whole different rant for a whole 'nother day on how that affects children insofar as shoving them face first into sexual/gender roles that aren't right for them. "Princess" overload can negatively impact girls, giving them messed up ideas on what it is to be female. One might say that the ripple effect of Princess indoctrination can be easily seen in adult women who endured it as girls, manifesting as a lack of confidence in self and capabilities. For now, I'll pass that one over to Jessica Bennett from The Daily Beast, with her article "Disney Princesses and the Battle for your Daughter's Soul".

I'll put it to you this way..

what good is that blinged up pepper spray if it doesn't match your iPad??

Oh.

Mah.

GAWD..



Girl! How dare you spritz your fancy "liquid-haul-ass" into that assailants' eyeballs when it doesn't even match....

YOUR GODAWFUL BARBIE PINK SHOES!!!!!!!!

You know!

The ones that are literally destroying your feet, your legs, and your back BUT DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD!









Now if you're just sick of fussing about with your personal attackers, trying to aim just right, stop fucking around and get this bad boy, all GIRLED up just for you AND your girlyparts!

Taser C2 Fashion Pink w Laser


"The TASER C2 is our newest product designed for personal protection. Utilizing the same technology as our proven law enforcement models, the C2 has incredible take down power."

I will AT LEAST hand it to this company that while they felt compelled to stick the term "fashion" on it (cause you know, the ladies will look at anything as long as it has "fashion" glued on there somewhere), at least they don't fuck around with the "sexy" and "cute" shit ad-nauseum. Plus, no one is ever going to willingly fuck with you again if you taze them.

Reality TV star goes to unreal lengths justifying spousal abuse

What in the holy fuck, yo?

'Real Housewife' Melissa Gorga's New Book Advocates Marital Rape - Jezebel

Let me just get it out of the way.. I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF TV.. specifically because I have no desire to see Kardashians, Hedonistic Housewives, or any other kind of television show that follows women around to watch them shop, be catty for the sake of cattiness, bolster the validity of the worst kind of female stereotypes, or otherwise celebrate wastefulness and selfishness. Sorry people, Rome is burning and as such, I could care less about the window treatments, catfights, or in-home mani-pedi that some polished, plucked, spritzed, painted banshee is screeching about in her excessively expensive home.

As I get older, and see more and more people struggling to just fucking FEED themselves and their children on a daily basis, I can't help but find myself vomitously disgusted by these "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" throwbacks. But I digress...

NOW, as if ovary-bearing individuals are not slogging their way through enough problems with prevalent rape-culture, street harrassment, and slut-shaming, we've got a new bible for the apologetic battered housewife.. "Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage" - by Melissa Gorga

Not only does this book divulge personal details of this woman's systematic abuse and subjugation in her marriage at the hands of her husband, Joe, it goes on to profess that his temper, selfishness, and controlling behaviour are merely "manly" traits that should not only be tolerated, but cherished and lovingly acknowledged as true romance shown from a man to a woman.

In fact, he's so lovingly helicoptering this woman ALL the fucking time, that she wasn't permitted to so much as write the book HERSELF.. oh no.. there are sections written ENTIRELY BY JOE in HER book, to the point that it would appear he is interrupting and shouting over her in printed word as much as we can surmise he does in person.

Here's a real gem by the aforementioned Joe, wherein he appears to find sexual assault both hot and a husbandly duty:

"Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says "no," turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want."

DAMN, ladies! Just give them what they want and whenever they want it! Why didn't WE think of that? Probably because our ladybits make us overly emotional and illogical. Thank GOD for men like Joe and the brain-adjusting semen injections they can provide for us! However could we become the ideal dishwashing, brainless, babymaking, bedroom vamping, foundation-plastered automatons we ALL desire to be without all the dick that guys like Joe insist on giving us whenever they feel like it? ALL HAIL THE DEMANDING MAN AND HIS BLESSED SEXUAL AGGRESSION! Didn't you know that toddler-style temper tantrums and demands are COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE out of grown men? The only difference is that when boys grow into men they are BIG and STRONG and can rip your clothes off to get the "cookies" as is the right of the husband and....

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A CRACKER ARE YOU SERIOUS? REALLY?? SOMEONE ACTUALLY PUBLISHED A CONTEMPORARY BOOK MAKING MARITAL RAPE SOUND NORMAL???

Also, gals... did you know your husband is not supposed to be aware of the bodily functions you and he have in common? Melissa says that women don't shit.

Seriously.

"Girls don't poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn't happen. Or, that's what Joe thinks! We've been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don't do it when he's around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won't hear, smell, or see. It's a challenge."

Thanks a pantload, Melissa Gorga. .. er.. or not.

This might be where we've all gone wrong, girls. If you're not playing "Hide and Shit", your relationship is doomed. I gotta say, though.. if that is, indeed, "what Joe thinks", Joe is not the sharpest tool in the shed. He's a tool, sure.. just not a very sharp one.

More husbandly advice from the magnanimous Joe..

"To be on the same level, everyone has to get off the high horse. I don't care if the woman makes more money than the man, if he's a janitor and she's the president. After a fourteen-hour workday, if a man comes home and there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone, watching TV, or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected."

So... leader of the free world best be home early makin' you a steak, huh? What a douchebag..

Oh, and this (from Joe):

"I don't feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don't wipe my babies' either."

Damn, Melissa.. how do you let him leave the house? I'm sure the bitches are lining up READY to pounce on this one! Sarcasm aside, its really this paragraph from the first chapter that kills me. Basically, a foreword that explains how she got into this mess in the first place..

"I was envious of girls with daddies to turn to. They could make a call, and their fathers would swoop in to fix their car brakes, give them a loan, or make them feel treasured and special. I missed that closeness. I found myself drawn to a certain kind of man, a father figure who made me feel protected and would tell me right from wrong. They weren’t older than me per se. It was the authoritative and instructive personality type—someone who could take charge—that attracted me. I know a lot of women wouldn’t like that. But I responded to it."

If that isn't heartbreaking enough, she later tells of Joe's "instruction" in their married life together, outlining a pattern of abuse that first assures her that there is something wrong with her that needs to be "corrected" and how validating his controlling behaviour is essential to the health of their marriage.

"His style was to make corrections and to teach me from the beginning days of our marriage exactly how he envisioned our life together. Joe always says, "You got to teach someone to walk straight on the knife. If you slip, you're going to get cut." Even if something didn't bother him that badly, he'd bring it up. He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn't like it. He'd call me and say, "I don't care if you're out all day long. But I don't want to come home to an empty house."

... you know.. God forbid she see herself as an individual person. According to Joe, she isn't. She's a WIFE, and therefore property meant to feed, breed, clean up after, and sexually serve him.

Someone got the big balls and wanna try some "feminism is outdated/unnecessary" shit with me today?


The Feminine Context

Sexual, Female, AND Human? Why Sasha Gray Can't Catch A Break

11/11/2011
From HuffingtonPost:

"How would you feel if an adult film star read to your seven year old child? Believe it or not, some parents in California are pretty angry that it happened in their kids' classroom.
Porn legend Sasha Grey was a guest reader at Emerson Elementary School in Compton, California earlier this month, joining first and third grade students in their Read Across America day. Grey certainly enjoyed the experience, tweeting, "Spent the am with Read Across America Compton, reading to the sweetest 1st & 3rd grade students @ Emerson Elementary!"
The problem, TMZ reports, is that parents aren't happy -- and that school officials, instead of addressing the issue, are claiming it never happened. Of course, it'd be silly for Grey to tweet about it if it hadn't happened, and more importantly, TMZ has a photo of the event (as they always seem to do)."

Ms. Gray gave a statement to TMZ regarding her participation in the Read Across America child literacy program, in which she writes:


"Read Across America" is a program that was designed to promote literacy and instill a lifelong love of reading in elementary school students. Promoting education is an effort that is close to my heart. Illiteracy contributes to poverty; encouraging children to pick up a book is fundamental.
 I believe education is a universal right. I committed to this program with the understanding that people would have their own opinions about what I have done, who I am and what I represent.
 I am an actor. I am an artist. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a partner. I have a past that some people may not agree with, but it does not define who I am. 
I will not live in fear of it. To challenge non-profit education programs is an exercise in futility, counter-productive and anti-educational. 
I cannot thank my fans and 'Read Across America' enough for supporting my decision. Your support and kind words continue to inspire me. I believe in the future of our children, and I will remain an active supporter and participant in education-focused initiatives."


Good for you, Sasha Gray. What a great thing for you to do for a group of kids that certainly enjoyed your reading to them. If only most kids' parents would take that kind of time and read to their children.

I don't have a damn thing against porn, and neither should you. I'm not talking about illegal activities involving non-consenting individuals. No one's backing that up. I'm talking about good ol' American (Japanese? Russian? German? Whatever floats your boat) porn, that almost everyone has looked at at some point or another, if not several times a week... or day.. or in an alternate window while you're reading this very post.

Both hands on the keyboard, buddy. I'm trying to tell you something, here.

Okay. Fine. Finish and come back after you've washed your hands.

Regarding porn..

For starters, you probably watch it. Statistical data is hard to count on because one group or another is constantly tweaking numbers up or down to try and make a point, but let's just say that the majority of reports about adult pornography use on the internet indicate that a whole fuck of a lot of everyone is watching, viewing, or reading some porn at any given time of the day or night. If one were to try and draw some sort of "average score" out of these extremely varied reports on internet pornography usage, it probably boils down to somewhere around 52% of men and 50% of women who at least admitted to it. Obviously, these numbers don't even begin to account for people who look at it and don't want to tell anyone, or who look at "specialty" porn designed to satisfy fetishes that are based on objects or ideas that most people would never identify with the term "sexy". Many people are sexually excited by the damndest, and quite frankly, most harmless things. I for one don't think I have any business whatsoever getting my panties in a wad over whether someone is attracted or excited by things like stuffed animals, trees, or bugs. I am  in no way required to participate in anyone else's turn-on, if asked, I can say no.. so how is it any of my concern if my neighbor gets a semi because he thinks the myrtle tree in my yard is hot as hell. Good for him. At least someone is noticing my tree and NOT how long it's been since I cut the grass beneath it. What do I care? If everyone is obeying the law, then he's in his house getting his jollies from that myrtle and its sexy, bark-free body, and he's not on my lawn humping it. Everyone's happy.

If you insist that you don't partake of the massive erotic pornucopia online, well what the hell ever, okay? I'm just going to be nice about it and nod, but don't push it. Porn use is so prevalent among adults that as much as you want to get a bee in your butt (fetish?) about it, probably half of your knitting club does things with their needles that would make you not only cross your legs but strap them together with leather belts. Problem being, this might only turn them on MORE. The real point is that there's NO point getting upset about it. Porn is everywhere and it's been here since our ancestors figured out they could use Saber-Toothed Cat poo like crayons on their cave walls, and that an extra stick limb on a stick figure could represent a penis.



Pornography is no longer the sad business of taking starry-eyed would be actresses and making depraved whores out of them, if it ever really was. Adult film stars see themselves as just that, "stars", not victims or objects of pity. Adult entertainment is big freaking business, and as such, working standards have improved if for no other reason than to keep everyone's asses covered on a legal front. The porn industry creates jobs, and is well-recognized as the primary driving force behind many of the technological developments that have come to benefit both businesses and consumers alike. Internet technology like credit-card processing and verification, website membership security, encryption, video technology, and file-optimization have all been developed more rapidly, competitively, and economically as a means to buy and sell adult content online.

There are a few other things that can be said, specifically about people who actually work in front of the cameras in the adult entertainment industry. The one thing that pornography professionals have done differently than most of us is that they've demonstrated that they've got 'nads enough to work in an industry that, although considered taboo, is actually STILL THRIVING in our otherwise depressed economy. I believe it's also worth mentioning that adult film actresses and models are working in a field that, by the efforts and intentions of society's effort to promote women's sexual liberty, they really ought to be given a bit more respect for. I don't mean that we should be placing banners up everywhere we go, featuring this week's DVDA princess, but considering how many people are actually watching all of this porn, how is it fair to act like these people are doing something subversive and terrible?

Why is it that when sexual acts are filmed, we talk about the individuals engaged in that act as though they should be ashamed of it? How is it any different than what the majority of single adults get drunk and do any given weekend, other than that the adult film industry is more likely to enforce the use of condoms and STD/STI testing before adults engage in sexual intercourse? Sometimes, in an effort to promote feminism, porn actresses will be discussed as though they are brainwashed, patriarchy-indoctrinated "victims" which in itself is degrading, not uplifting, to these women. How is it that violent, gory crime dramas are winning awards, but the act of two (or more?) adults doing something together that makes them feel freaking AWESOME is considered a cause of detriment to society? Sasha Gray, for example, is a beautiful young woman who has recently published a book (adult in nature, but intellectual and artistic) and is proud of her work, as she has every right to be. How is it anyone's place to tell her she shouldn't be? She's achieved a great deal of success in her former career, and is currently expanding into new territory. How is it fair that we shower women like Kim Kardashian with press, attention, and fan-worship for doing, well.. nothing without her mom's direction and her dad's money, yet we take the first opportunity we can to piss on an adult film actress who took an opportunity to do something nice and READ to little kids?

There are certainly many varieties of adult entertainment that are presented with elements of violence, and these cater to specific fetishes. Maybe it's true that much of available pornographic material promotes illusory, airbrushed, unrealistic images of women and men. It's part of the fantasy, and anyone who's had sex more than twice can easily understand that fantasy and reality are two very different things. Any information, be it text or image, that is adult in nature can be confusing to children.. this is very true. The rest of the world is not supposed to raise your children or moderate its existence in case your children see. As a parent, it's your job to explain aspects of life to your kids, often as they come up.

It's also a matter of picking your battles at an age-appropriate time for your own child.

In the case of Sasha Gray, there's no reason that any child she read to needs to know anything about her past, and should it come up, a simple "she made movies that are only for adults" would suffice for a child within that age-range. Making a big huge fucking deal out of it is only going to make the situation utterly fascinating to a child, who will then explore the issue that they thought NOTHING about before it garnered such a reaction out of their parents.

The real "problem" is that Sasha Gray doesn't feel bad about herself, her choices, or what she's done. If she seemed ashamed of her sexuality, or a victim of the porn industry, it might make it easier for people to accept her. When pressed to discuss a hypothetical situation that would be completely identical to hers, a lot of people would disagree with condemning her for reading to those children. Our society, with its seemingly indelible stain of puritanism, still has quite a lot to learn. Maybe even from a porn star.

The Feminine Context

"Not Really" Is Still "No". One Man's Introspective Article

Anyone who has read this blog can easily detect my feminism within a few posts. It's not something I hide, I don't consider "feminism" a bad word, and I don't use feminism as a way to assault men. As a feminist, I tend to worry less about what men are doing, and find myself most often taking offense at the behaviors of other women who want to reap the rewards of feminism while abandoning the personal responsibility of earning them.

That being said, I'm not a mysogynist. Sexual politics within any culture are complex by nature, built upon historical, religious, economical, and other factors. To unravel an issue, means that one must take the time to untie all of the good intentions and practical measures that somehow developed into a likely unintentional problem. With the efforts of many individuals on different ends of the discussion, there can be some understanding and resolution.

This is why I ADORE you, Hugo Schwyzer.

His bio, from his website:

"Hugo Schwyzer is an American author, speaker and professor of history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. He presents workshops on body image, sexual harassment, rape prevention, and the “myth of male weakness.” He is also a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio programs and has appeared on CNN and CTV (Canada) as an expert on body image, sexuality and gender justice."


I came across one of Mr. Schwyzer's articles today, and simply HAD to share it..


From "Accidental rape. I knew I hadn't committed a crime but..."


"Most “good guys” take a woman’s firm “No!” for an answer. (Those who don’t are best left to the ministrations of our criminal justice system.) But lots of men are like the guy I was at 19—assuming that while “no means no” anything short of a firm “no” is either a “yes” or a “keep at it, boy, because you just might get a ‘yes’ soon.” Call it male sexual legalism, the first rule of which is “All that is not expressly prohibited is assumed to be permitted.” That legalism can turn many men into accidental rapists"

We need more of this guy, and less of this guy..

The Feminine Context

Barbie and Ken - Gone With The Wind Edition (1)

I live in the South. Not the gap-toothed, pig-brain eatin', squirrel-huntin', marry-your-cousin South (been out of Mississippi for four years and ain't lookin back!!!!), but Southern enough that I am surrounded by Southern Belles, cluttering up the social scene with their giant hats, skirts, and attitudes.

Southern.
FUCKING.
Belles.

Okay, they might not have the hats and skirts, and women everywhere can be bitches. You don't have to be a Southern Belle to be a giant pain the ass. In the South, there are quite a few "Neo-Belles" that have modernized exactly parallel to Reconstruction.

Take a drive through anywhere that's NOT Atlanta, GA and see how well "reconstruction" pulled shit together for the South.

ANYWHOO... The new Southern Belles are comprised of a hint of Stepford Wife, a dash of Southern Charm, several pounds of pageant-level makeup, a sprinkling of acrylic nail-tips, and a bitchy helping of pure cunning. They're prepared by baking them in a tanning bed to a delicate beige (or the spray-on, no bake version), and are usually presented with garnishings from high-name fashion labels, mainly purses and shoes, that individually cost more per item than most people pay monthly for auto insurance.

Where I live, there are things a lady doesn't do. Preferably, she doesn't swear, smoke, go out of the house without full makeup, fail to accessorize, laugh too loudly, understand adult-themed jokes, have anything other than a conservative political viewpoint, talk about (or understand) that political viewpoint very often, have hair colored too brightly, have tattoos, have piercings anywhere but her earlobes, initiate conversations, have anything unpleasant to talk about, eat til they are full, or drink ANYTHING but wine, and lots of it.

After all, it's WINE. It's fuckin' classy.

What a CATCH for you guys! What a charming little lily she must be! How feminine! How strong in that femininity, yet delicate and in need of protection! YOUR protection! Just having a little slice of Georgia Peach pie on your arm like her, your life will be set! You can take THIS one home to Mom, Dad, and your Pastor!

Of course, with all that "fiddle dee dee" and such, comes a few side effects. Despite the grooming and manners that leave this woman a visually appealing, seemingly inoffensive cyborg, at heart she's still human. Imperfections are going to seep through and build up in the seams. When the Maybelline-reinforced dam breaks, the facade will crumble, fully and irreparably tarnished in a flood of chardonnay, mascara, and foundation. Much like how you'd envision a wet fart escaping both a corset and a hoop-skirt...

See, this is not a way to live. This is a mode of female behavior that is positively reinforced by men. I'm not saying that women are blameless in this, but come on y'all.. IT WORKS. EVERY GODDAMN TIME. This milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! DAMN RIGHT, it's better than yours! What's the harm, right? Life is about compromise and balance, so isn't it great to have a partner that compliments and reinforces the gender role you idealize?

Well, not really... because it's not real.  We are living in a postmodern world, so no one does any of the work that used to come along with these gender roles. If they did, we wouldn't have so many deadbeat dads, take-out or instant "meals", or kids getting each other pregnant in middle schools. The man who is supposedly the head of the household and the stronger of the couple isn't actually in charge of anything at all, and he knows it. As far as I can see, he never actually has been, which is why it DIDN'T WORK and we all were supposed to take more responsibility for being whole people after the women's movement.

This is a dated ideal of femininity that we can see in our previous generations, like our mothers and grandmothers. Think back.. your dad or your grandfather probably got away with running his mouth a hell of a lot more often than a man would be able to do in today's world, and that's not a trend that anyone really wants to return. Even those guys of you out there who will complain about the "feminization" of society will have to agree.. no one enjoyed having to endure dad's hissyfit about the dishes (that was about everything in his life BUT the dishes) while mom waited it out, only to leap to action the second he left the room in an effort to restore the tone of the household after he got done being a blowhard. That scenario is perhaps a bit specific, but I'm sure that most of you, male or female, could relate with a similar recollection of inappropriate aggressive behavior from your dad.

Mom may have worked too, but of your two parents, she was probably the most likely to remember all of your allergies, food preferences, phobias, interests, and how much it ACTUALLY cost to feed, clothe, house, and medicate you. If you want to delve a little deeper, she was probably in charge of the household finances, food, schedule, and social events. Yet, despite being at the reins in all of these important aspects of family life, she never did the one thing that you would have given up all your birthday money for.. No matter how out of touch, incorrect, or unreasonable your dad's outbursts might have been, somehow there were never any real consequences in place to make that guy shut the FUCK up and knock it off. There was an APPEARANCE, perhaps, that Dad ran the show.. what with Mom listening to whatever crazy shit flew out of his mouth and making an effort to treat it as though it were somehow relevant to something on this planet.. but maybe that's what she put up with in order to keep him working and making more money that she could delegate to the household.  In retrospect, I don't think either one of them looked particularly happy with the arrangement, but they sure as hell kept it going..

All of that being said, recalled, and cringed at.. I'm not here to vilify men and fathers. Not at all. It's not entirely their fault. While your mom sat there and took it, she was storing up currency in her emotional-blackmail savings account, which (instead of demanding his ass to cash the check that his smart mouth wrote), she would spend at a later time of her choosing to admonish him into doing something or other that she wanted him to do. Meanwhile, there are kids living under terrorism in the middle of this ongoing war, never sure where their loyalties should lie or what the hell is going to happen in the next five minutes.

All because Scarlett would rather be a painted doll who could blame all the bad decisions on Rhett, because he's always been in charge, and Rhett didn't want anyone around who could challenge his fragile ego or tell him how to behave.. even if he really needed to hear it. For some reason, people are under the delusion that it's far easier to absolve yourself of responsibility for your life and what you bring or allow into it, rather than to take the risk that Rhett really WON'T give a damn and go off into the sunset, piss-poor attitude in tow. God forbid, Rhett go out and meet someone who tells him he's totally full of shit and he can behave or move on. Sheesh.. it's like you expect someone to mature or something..

WHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

Oh yeah.. a woman alone is incomplete. If, as a woman, you render yourself helpless to stand up for yourself or go get your own drink, then I guess you are incomplete without a stronger personality around who can cover your ass. It's also a lot easier to pretend to be a strong personality when you have someone next to you who both builds you a fan club and seems to enjoy disappearing into your shadow.

It's not specifically anyone's fault. As much as I'm grateful for the feminist movement, we've still got a long way to go. Making men the enemy doesn't really help anyone out, and making women perpetual victims and martyrs has lead to nothing but self-esteem issues in both genders. Men need to have their own movement, and it really doesn't need to be about dominance, aggression, or anger. It also doesn't need to be a big self-stroking religious organization like the "Promise Keepers", where you have the ego security of a whole lot of men patting themselves and each other on the ass for not fucking around on their wives, like it's some huge freaking effort to keep your dick in your pants.

Guys, we know you have feelings. If you didn't care about things, you wouldn't get so pissed off about them. It's kind of a human being thing. Don't sweat it. There's nothing wrong with you if you want to hug the baby a little longer or keep a cat. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't, either. The problem isn't feeling something, its in getting angry because you feel something. Then you're just being a dick, and who the hell wants that around? A lot of you are trying to figure out exactly what you're supposed to be doing in a relationship these days, since it's plain to see from any sitcom, news story, or magazine article that you sure as FUCK shouldn't be model yourself after your dad. You probably didn't need to read or watch anything to figure out that you didn't really want to repeat a lot of what he did, anyway.


Feminism is a political ideal that demanded equal pay for equal work, a woman's control over her own body, and various other equalizing measures that were and are needed so that a woman has the same ability to support herself and her family as a man does. Time has proven that women can do the things outside the home that men can do. One of the most well-known activists of the feminist movement, Gloria Steinem, has been making the media rounds lately, promoting gender equality. Her message is that society recognizes that women can do what men can do, what we DON'T recognize is that men can also do what women can do. They can be just as nurturing and loving and sensitive as women have a reputation to be.

It takes a lot of balls to admit it if you have issues with anger or expressing yourself. It takes a lot of balls to get help and to say you were wrong. I'm sorry that a lot of us girls are using that against you, too. Because, yeah.. it's definitely happening and its a widespread problem.

I don't think there's a woman out there who wants society to regress back to a point that restricts her freedom, but there's an awful lot of you bitches running around, pretending that you're Scarlett O'Hara to snag a man. Like I said, it works. Scarlett doesn't have to bring much beyond her makeup bag and her acting skills to the table, and Rhett can sit comfortably by without direct challenge and with a pretty belle on his arm. Only now, Rhett Butler doesn't dare tell you he doesn't give a damn and leave, because he knows that he hasn't been paying you enough attention and that he was probably mean and scary. He doesn't walk out of your life and let you get along alone, because he knows he was probably insensitive. It's easier to just pay for your cellphone and shut your ass up, because at the end of the day, he was probably MORE wrong than you were. After all, look how upset you are.. how helpless you are. You're not like the other women out there.. you're.. delicate. You don't even swear! However will you hail a cab by yourself?! How will you get out and meet anyone else when you've spent so much time on him, the schmuck who was so lucky to find a real LADY in these complicated times! You only drink wine, not liquor, like those other rough girls out there.

PS: Girls, the label says "Arbor Mist", not "Arbor Monsoon". A drunk bitch is not a class act, no matter what she drank to get there.

So why won't we just freakin' stop already? We're playing games that aren't any fun and, over time, leave everyone miserable. What results from this bullshit are unreasonable expectations and dishonesty. No one's getting anything that they want, because they don't KNOW what they want and because no one is who they seem to be. What's worse is that we are probably closer than we've ever been to equality and understanding between the sexes, and for every step forward we take, someone finds a way to glamorize the concept of kicking us all back into the dark ages.

Ladies, give a man a noble purpose with you.. not an outdated, bullshit one. Let him meet your ACTUAL needs, not the ones you pretend to have to boost his ego. Southern Belles treat men like rabid possum that they need to lure into traps.. traps with merciless steel teeth that are hidden cleverly beneath those fucking hoop skirts. Once they trap him, they have to break him down with steady conditioning until he either snaps or shuts the hell down, soullessly compliant to commands. At that point, she deems him insensitive and boring.. which he is, because she's declared herself victimized by every feeling he's ever expressed, to the extent that life just became easier and he had less reason to hate himself if he just did what he was told, when he was told to do it.

Now, men who are cheering at this and doing chest bumps or whatever... what the hell were you doing to prevent this from happening to you? Did you go out there and meet an attractive, intellectually stimulating woman who can bring something to your life, or did you go find a pretty little thing that made you feel needed? I know there are women reading this who think I'm the most self-hating woman alive, but I'm not. Thank you, I like me very much. What I don't like is watching women treat men like animals, handle them like animals, and then run around all shocked and appalled when they end up acting like animals. I don't like watching men chase after women who don't have anything worthwhile to talk about, for the simple reason that they don't ever have to feel like anything less than her superior. Worse still, none of these behaviors are going to change until everyone accepts the fact that there's a difference between the desire for a romantic relationship and its actual necessity.

I don't know anyone who intentionally seeks out unhealthy relationships like these. No one has a plan to fuck up a partnership, for themselves or anyone else. After you've bounced in and out of a few, it might be worth a serious look at exactly what mistakes you're repeating. It's not rocket science to figure out that if there are elements to the relationship that make you uncomfortable early on, they're only going to get worse if they go unchecked. Humans are like any other mammal, and us mammals are ALL about the path of least resistance. If there's no reason to change, why should we?

So, Scarlett.. if Rhett has committed some unforgivable slight against your honor, either ditch Rhett's ass or shut up. If you don't want to be treated like a whore, quit letting him buy your forgiveness with actual money or goods (like jewelry). What you call "forgiveness", he sees as "right to tap that". Speaking of which, Rhett.. you need to quit buying her shit to solve your relationship problems. You dumb bastard. The interest rate goes nowhere but up, and she's been depreciating since you drove her ass off the lot. One day you're going to wake up and be pissed about it, and by that point, it's your own goddamn fault for not putting the screws to it early on before she'd invested enough of her time in you that she has the right to demand retribution for your outburst.

And so the cycle of anger-prone fathers and passive-aggressive mothers continues...