E-tarded: A Night to De-Member

*This post has undergone a much-needed edit and is being published again to better clarify my intentions

Okay, guys.

WTF?

I just got off the phone with a female friend of mine. Our conversation was about your penis.

Yes, yes it was.

Before she called me, she had been happily chatting with YOU. She was a little excited, thinking that you were attractive and fun, and that it seemed like things were moving along nicely toward the point that she could find herself comfortable enough to consider pulling out her best moves in the sexual encounter that she could now picture herself engaging in with you. She was starting to think about having sex with you, because you had made it to her intellectual second base and now she was picturing you naked. Oh, how close you came, buddy.

But you blew it. You blew it big time.

You did something so horrendously inappropriate that she felt compelled to call me and ask me just what in the hell she should do now.

Guys, honestly... This is a problem. You can't just whip it out. I don't understand why, but there is obviously a lot of confusion about this issue. Let's just try to clear it up now, okay?

You can't do it in public. If you do, you're legally considered a sexual predator and can be arrested for it. It is considered unsolicited sexual behavior, etc...

But let's just break it down, alright?

It's just not polite to point. It's REALLY impolite to point at certain areas of a person's body, and that appendage of yours has a pretty accurate guidance system. Besides which, women kind of put phalluses in the same threat category as vampires in that they aren't supposed to comfortably move about in daylight, religious symbolism is supposed to AT LEAST slow them down, and they can't come in unless they're invited. Start operating outside of those standards, and you do to the dating game what 28 Days Later did to zombies; you now have something inflamed and enraged that you can't even outrun, AND IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FREAKIN' WORK THAT WAY.

Unless we specifically get freaky and ASK you for a picture of your member, sending it to us will upset us on a number of levels. It may surprise you to learn that what often upsets us the most is the massive responsibility that you've thoughtlessly heaved onto the unsuspecting woman who's now in a staring match with Mr. Cyclops.

Pray tell, O man, what is the response that you're expecting?

Try to think with the big head for just a second. Okay, good.. now that the blood is flowing back into the area of your body that is (supposedly) where your seat of empathy lies, try to put yourself in the sweaty pumps of your potential partner. What in the FUCK is she supposed to say when you abruptly STOP talking and start just hanging out the one part of your body that you are the most emotionally fragile about? It is, at once, both the most disrespectful shortcut to her girlie parts that you could possibly take, and the greatest self-inflicted punishment a man could dream up, and you've left the determination between those two extremes solely at the discretion of the stunned woman who didn't plan on talking to your dick today.

If you're sadist or a masochist, or you're looking for a sadist or a masochist, then MAYBE this could be a really quick way of getting through a singles event. Even then, its kind of a dick move (pardon the pun).

Again, I implore you to look at this from our perspective. Prematurely exposing your most private of parts is interpreted by a woman as a "put out or get out" alert, and it usually comes at time that she's just getting a tingle of sexual attraction to you. You've as good as told her that you're not interested in getting to know her anymore and you're not wasting another breath talking to her unless she takes a good look at your dick and says "yeah, I'll just hop right on that". Most women will not declare themselves ready for boarding just at the sight of dick, and if they do, there is something wrong with her. Either she's got boundary issues that will manifest themselves into various degrees of psychosis in the near future, or she's got other souvenirs to give you that you're not going to want cluttering up your travel-bags later on.

In order to make it clear that she is NOT a slut or anything like what I described in the previous paragraph, she cannot be too positive in whatever she says about the unexpected penis before her. She ALSO knows that if she says anything negative, it could end the relationship then and there when you shrink up like a scared turtle. More than that, given the extreme sensitivity that men exhibit at ANY and EVERYTHING related to their penises, she's not sure if you're going to come away from this with a permanent wound that she didn't mean to inflict.

How is this fair, man? You guys flip out about your independence and freedom when we ask why you didn't call, as though we were trying to shove a GPS tracking device in your anus. We're usually asking because you usually call. When you didn't, we were probably concerned for a variety of reasons, not the least of which include "Oh shit, is he dead? This guy texts me fifteen times a day and today I haven't heard from him in ten hours". Goddamn.. how dare we forget to read your mind and understand that THIS is the day you were going to pretend that you're Rambo and you're going into the bush (haaa..) for two weeks and can't be contacted til all the bad guys are little smouldering bloody piles in the jungle.

See, in one situation, we're expected to extricate ourselves with all the precision of a neurosurgeon, carefully avoiding any damage to the highly sensitive areas that we now can't HELP but be in direct contact with. In the other, if we show the slightest bit of concern when a situation moves from "status: normal" to "WTF", we're treated like soul-sucking harpies, hell-bent on emasculating you by demanding that you show us common courtesy.

This sexual faux-pas seems to happen more often than ever, what with the ready availability of camera phones. Before everyone had cameras in their phones, there were digital cameras and chatrooms. I had a few girlfriends that used to hang out in the same online social areas that I did, and between us, we had pictures of almost every guy who frequented that same area. We went so far as to play "Guess That Screenname!", trying to match the dick to the dickhead who sent it. This is not as cold and cruel a practice as you guys might think. This was us, making the best out of an awkward and uncomfortable situation. We felt lucky to have each other, because at least we had someone to bounce a sample response off of whenever cock would invariably show up in our inboxes, with little to no warning of its arrival.

Which leaves me where I am today. Having gone through an entire conversation that revolved around:

1: Not hurting a guy's feelings
2: Not being a slut
3: Preserving that guy's chance at ACTUALLY GETTING SOME
4: Trying to appropriately handle an extremely inappropriate situation
5: Justifying the continuation of a heterosexual lifestyle, despite godawful problems like this that come with it.

Oh, and we did talk about length, girth, color, angle, and all of the other shit you're probably worrying about. This was mainly a way to diffuse the discomfort of the situation that this girl had found herself in. Trust me when I say this... unless you've got a serious case of micropenis or there were visible surface abnormalities, we didn't judge you by any of those penile stats that I mentioned.

We DID, however, judge you for sending it to her. That's strike one, provided you haven't done anything even dumber before this. If you're smart, you'll apologize.

Here are some GOOD and BAD ways to try and recover from exposing yourself like the quintessential pervert with a trenchcoat:

-GOOD-
"I'm sorry. That was really impulsive of me. I'm just so turned on by you that I did it without thinking. I hope we can move on from this really out-there thing that I did"

-BAD-
"Now how's about some quid pro quo, baby?"

-GOOD-
"I'm really feeling kind of shy and embarrassed about sending that pic. I want to ask you what you think about it, but it wasn't cool of me to put you on the spot like that"

-BAD-
"Can we fuck now?"

-GOOD-
"Ok, ok... my bad. You don't have to say ANYTHING. Let's let it go, and you will see it in person if and when you WANT to see it. I did something that was very inconsiderate of you and I'm sorry. I just got excited and was being an idiot"

-BAD-
"No, seriously. I need to see a picture of your vagina RIGHT NOW. Unless I can get delivery in 30 minutes or less? Plz?"

In short (and if you're gonna send us a picture of it, you better pray that it ISN'T), COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SENDING US UNSOLICITED DICK PICS?

Thank you. This Public Service Rant has been provided to the general public courtesy of thefemininecontext.blogspot.com, on behalf of MILLIONS OF CREEPED OUT WOMEN WHO MIGHT OTHERWISE HAVE BLOWN YOU... had you not blown it for yourself.

-------

*Bear in mind before you go all OMFG SHE IS SLUT-SHAMING AND OMFG THE RAPE-CULTURE/PATRIARCHAL WRONGNESS.. Trust me, I know. In fact, I completely agree. Unfortunately, all the "wrong" things said here are common things that women think having been indoctrinated by the patriarchal and archaic rape-culture we've been brought up in. This entire post is basically derived from many, many conversations I've had with other women about this subject, including the commonalities between all of those conversations (i.e.; "I can't look like a slut. Was I being slutty? I like him so now what do I do?"). So to clarify a point or two..

- Slut-shaming is wrong. Internalizing it to the point that you'll participate in your own victim-blaming is really messed up. Tragically, one of the first things a woman does when placed in a sexually-charged, undesirable, unwanted situation like this is to check HERSELF for anything she did to deserve what has befallen her. Maybe we need less red, embarrassed female faces and more drinks being thrown into lascivious, expectant asshole man-faces that are awaiting a response.

- Having to tiptoe around an ugly-ass situation that someone ELSE created in an effort to spare that aggressors' feelings is REALLY wrong, and is holding the victim responsible for what the aggressor has foisted upon her. Even worse, this happens to women and girls every day. As a culture, we have so internalized the idea that women bear all sexual responsibility, they often go straight to work trying to salvage a situation that they should remove themselves from (dating a disrespectful prick, for example), and should never have been exposed to (pardon the contextual pun) to begin with.

- Exposing oneself in person is a crime, punishable by law (that is, if you can convince the law you're not a slut who asked for it, which is fucked up). Just because you put Mr. Willy in a digital format instead of actively whipping it out and trying to touch her with it, AND can legally get away with it, doesn't make it any less unwarranted, unwanted, or inappropriate. Keep it in your pants, and by "it", I mean the collective "it" which includes your genitals and the phone or device that contains any pics taken of your genitals.

- I'm sick to death of having conversations with my friends about how best they must navigate the obstacle course of disgusting behaviors they endure out of the obtuse neanderthals they are dating. Here's something worth considering. A logical breakdown.

Following the logic that women have to obsess over every last thing they say, do, wear, etc, because of the commonly accepted idea that men cannot conduct themselves in safe, non-violent, socially acceptable manner when exposed to sexual stimuli in any amount, the idea of locking them up in cages most of the time would be both LOGICAL and SOUND in the interest of protecting women and children. 

If men are so driven by sexual impulse that cannot be trusted to not sexually assault, rape, or become violent/aggressive/unstable when a woman is present, the responsibility falling on the woman/potential victim, I'm guessing we should lock them up like we do anyone else who we (as a society) determine are so likely to harm others if they are free to roam.

I don't want to lock the entire heteronormative male gender in a cage. Maybe it might be a better idea for them to grow the fuck up and start learning to tell themselves, and their penises, "no". That's what human beings are supposed to do when childhood is over and their parents aren't there to tell them "no".

This Week In Ignorant Fucks - 10/18/2013

Aw, goddamnit.... where do I start?

There was so much fucking stupid floating about the news this week, my head hurts just trying to round it all up.

We've had the ultimate in toddler-style temper tantrums going on with the government shutdown, in which Republicans simply can't get over the fact that they didn't get their way, so they responded by taking their toys (and continued pay) and going HOME. Never mind the fact that they took lots of other people's toys and paychecks home with them while they act like fucking jerks.

Because of the efforts of (my heroes!) Anonymous, information has come out about the Maryville teen rape, terrifyingly similar to Steubenville in its cover-up and dehumanization of the victims. Thank you, Anonymous, perhaps the only justice for women now comes at the hands of "vigilantes". As an open cry to Anonymous, please tell me here if there's anything I can ever do to help. Thank you for caring about young lives that our tragically dysfunctional social climate would allow to be cast aside as easily as garbage.

Let me try to lay out some links to some of the better examples of idiocy for this past week.. in no particular order..

Fox News pulls out the sleaziest fucking criminal defense lawyer they can possibly find, and airs a textbook example of victim blaming with great enthusiasm.


Did I fail to mention that this guy's main areas of expertise are in defending mafioso AND "white collar criminals" who are charged with multi-million dollar fraud?

Clearly, Fox News was trying to put their best foot forward after the victim-blaming, slut-shaming, rape-culture inducing misogyny market was cornered earlier in the week by a WOMAN. Slate's Emily Yoffe, more commonly known as "Dear Prudence", heaped rape prevention back onto women with her one-and-a-half cents on the Maryville rape. Her choice of words was questionable, at best, starting with the pretty blatant title of "COLLEGE WOMEN:STOP GETTING DRUNK." Ms. Yoffe is actually defending her article, clearly convinced that we're all too stupid to understand that alcohol CAN be a factor in some rape situations, but obviously MISSING THE POINT ENTIRELY that the ghost of Jack Daniels doesn't come out of the bottle, angry erection in hand, and rape you himself at a certain point of female drunkenness. That, in fact, it's the man who thinks so little of you as a human being and so highly of you as a sexual opportunity who takes advantage of the fact that he CAN rape you, secure in the knowledge that some smug old bitch like Emily Yoffe will wag her know-it-all, admonishing finger at the victim afterward. Ms. Yoffe also has some weirdo idea in her head that what's actually causing all these rapes is that women think they are being all feminist by matching guys drink for drink. No, seriously. Like, as in, for real.. she SAID that.. here. From the post..

"Let’s be totally clear: Perpetrators are the ones responsible for committing their crimes, and they should be brought to justice. But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them. Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue. The real feminist message should be that when you lose the ability to be responsible for yourself, you drastically increase the chances that you will attract the kinds of people who, shall we say, don’t have your best interest at heart. That’s not blaming the victim; that’s trying to prevent more victims."

What really sucks here is that the above paragraph is pretty much the only part of her piece that does, in fact, discuss how the perpetrators are responsible for their actions. At best, this is another disgusting, stomach-turning example of an educated, professional, adult woman who has been so indoctrinated with social sexism that she actually BELIEVES this is a progressive, proactive approach to the rape culture crisis we are all suffering from. I hate to break it to you, lady, but we all know that the world is dangerous. What all of us militant feminists are raging about is that we've TRIED ALL OF THIS SHIT AND IT DOESN'T WORK. You can get raped by any man, at any time, in any social setting, no matter what the theme or central activity is. The fact that women from all walks of life and of all personality types are getting raped is terrible enough, but the aftermath might actually be worse than the attack, and guess what? Emily Yoffe, you are now part of that aftermath. A woman suffering the trauma following a rape that was NOT HER FAULT, does not need to read this tripe about what SHE was doing, wearing, or where she was. The asshole who RAPED her needs to be questioned and scrutinized and shamed. There are dangerous people EVERYWHERE. When a crime or assault is committed against a man, we don't ask him what he was doing drinking at a party (you know, where people drink), or why he was wearing a certain kind of clothing, or why he was out late at night, or hanging out without some sort of chaperoning escort to ensure his safety... oh yeah, that's right. We treat men like people. How dare us silly bitches think we deserve the same courtesy.

From "How to write a rape prevention article without sounding like an asshole" by Erin Gloria Ryan, published in Jezebel, and using a direct quote from Ms. Yoffe's piece:

"DON'T write this paragraph:

'If I had a son, I would tell him that it’s in his self-interest not to be the drunken frat boy who finds himself accused of raping a drunken classmate. Surely this University of Richmond student, acquitted in one of the extremely rare cases in which a campus rape accusation led to a criminal trial, would confirm that.'

If Emily Yoffe had a son, she'd teach him how not to be accused of rape at a party. Not how to stay sober enough to remain vigilant and interfere with potentially alcohol-fueled rape situations, or how it's not okay to have sex with a woman who is too drunk to consent. Nope. Just how not to get accused of rape. Got it."

By the way, Ms. Ryan, if you read this somehow, please know that you make my everlovin' day, girl. I read your work all the damn time, and you're fucking awesome.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh SHIT, yeah

this shit totally fucking happened..


Danielle N. Lee, who has blogged for Scientific American for at least two years and refers to herself as the  "Urban Scientist" was asked by a content editor for Biology-Online.com if she would write for them, when she asked about compensation, she was called a whore. What the fuck, right? Her blog post on this matter, including screenshots of emails, can be found here.

For the record, Ms. Lee.. I wish you had been my biology teacher.
-----------------------------------

Ted Cruz - SHUT THE FUCK UP. Oh my God, you're a moron.

In Ted Cruz news this week...

Ted Cruz calls birth control "abortifacients" - Huffpost

Ted Cruz fails to disclose financial ties to Jamaican Holdings company- TIME

Ted, Jamaican me crazy, here..

Chris VanHollen, representing the 8th district of the State of Maryland in the U.S. House of Representatives and also writing for TheGuardian.com, brought this lovely little gem to light in his article "Republican Rule-Rigging Cause This Shutdown and Subverted Democracy". Here is an excerpt from that piece:

"There are enough votes in the House to pass the Senate's "clean" bill to fund government – and this already represents Democrats being willing to compromise to accept the GOP's post-sequester funding levels for the short term. It would have easily passed the House with a bipartisan majority – had the House Republican leadership brought it to the floor for a simple up-or-down vote. But House Republicans – many of whom have long had the goal of shutting down the government – effectively wrote the shutdown into law with just hours left on the clock.

If that sounds unbelievable and outrageous, it's because it is.

The chairman of the House rules committee conceded that, under normal procedure with clause 4 of rule 22, if the House amends a Senate bill and the Senate rejects the House's amendment(s), any House member has the right to bring the original Senate bill up for an immediate up-or-down vote in the House. But just two hours before the government was poised to shut down, House Republicans quietly rigged the rules in their favor. They changed that rule to ensure that only Republican majority leader Eric Cantor could bring the Senate bill to reopen the government up for a vote – something they have refused to do."

In case this hasn't reached you on Facebook, here is the video demonstrating this rule-rigging in action.


and last, but certainly not least.. Linda Oliver, the Mayor of West Union, South Carolina, had THIS to say (and then promptly delete) on her Facebook:

"What's it gonna take to get these queers to realize they don't need a piece of paper. God will not bless their union because he plainly speaks against queers in the Bible. Want to cover your queer with insurance? Buy a policy. Want your queer to get your stuff when you die? Make a will."

From HuffPost:

"The post quickly drew an onslaught of criticism from Facebook users. Meanwhile, a Facebook group titled "Recall West Union S.C. Mayor Linda Oliver" was also created in the wake of the controversy.

But Oliver says she anticipated the heated response, telling Fox Carolina, "All I can say is if people want to crucify me, that's fine. I know that following Jesus, I'm going to be crucified."

On the topic of same-sex marriage, she added, "I don't want it rammed down my throat."

Though she insists she'll now use "homosexual," Oliver also defended her use of the word "queer," noting, "The way I feel toward homosexuals is how I've been brought up.""

You IGNORANT bitch, Ms. Oliver. I hope there is, in fact, a Rapture. I can't wait til it takes you, and people like you, the hell off the planet.

The Feminine Context

Saga Of The Sodden Stay-At-Home Moms

This is an actual facebook conversation, saved, names and identities removed. These are women whose "job" within the structure of their family is to stay home and care for their children. I seriously doubt their husbands get to drink at THEIR jobs.

I am a stay at home mother with about a billion other irons in the fire from working online, and somehow, it never occurs to me to get trashed while my child is under my care. I posted a bit about this phenomena HERE and HERE, and every time I think I was being unreasonable, I see something else that makes my stomach turn.

I hate to think of what these women would have to say about babysitters or teachers or childcare workers who drank "socially" or to "relax" while at their jobs. So what makes it different when the drinking is done by mom at home? Why is it "cute" because they're saying "glass of wine"? What if they said "Jack& Coke" or "Jello Shots"? It's the same thing except the public idea is that jello shots are stronger, so more caution might be taken when it came to pounding em down. I sincerely doubt anyone would find it remotely classy that women who don't work and bring in an income for the family are watching their kids hammered on whiskey or vodka, but somehow when it's wine, it's suburban chic?

Are we actually lamenting the fact that no one can get away with popping Valium like its candy? While caring for children?

The Feminine Context

More Questionable And Hilarious Products As Reviewed By TFC

For the most part, I really don't like to go shopping. To hell with crowds and overhead lighting. Most of my problem with shopping is that paying a store's label price really eats away at some portion of my penny-pinching, price-comparing soul. Besides, shopping offline limits one to a PG-rated experience, bland and devoid of the rich (and often ridiculous) wide-open internet marketplace. Only that kind of "free market" could allow for products like this..

The Baggy Winecoat

It's Sex and the City, bitches! Now, available everywhere you can take a purse and a morally-casual attitude towards your increasing alcohol dependency, which would be.. well, everywhere with THIS handy and stylish bag. We all know that closet alcoholism is coming back in style (also mirrored here at OpenSalon), especially among the suburban soccer mom set. Go all Martha Stewart on this swag by taking the label off one of your fancy purses and affixing it to this lovely wine-in-a-box tote, adding class and sophistication to your new wine-swilling accessory! For extra points, make sure the purse that you rip the label off of is one of those that costs the equivalent of the average American's monthly housing payment. If it's not EXCESS, it's not SUCCESS! Sure, one of those heifers from the PTA is bound to point out that it's not Prada, but after a refill or two into those seemingly innocuous Dixie-cups, she won't give a damn anymore and neither will you.

PS: Some of my gay male and drag queen friends are looking at this item right now thinking "OMG, this is WONDERFUL" and despite my heavily-laden sarcasm, are ordering one right this very minute. One in particular has probably got three or four variations of something like this bag AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MISTER. For you, I've found something entirely more fabulous. See below.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arm-Shapers

Okay, so everyone has a few baggy places they'd like to tighten up, after all.. everyone has this idea that they want to be lean and slim and .. what the holy hell ?

Padded Butt Enhancing Panties

... and the winner for best product to ensure lifelong emotional scarring when found in mom's laundry.. ASS-PILLOW PANTIES! Remember all of those helpful, hurtful, degrading dieting and fitness tips, ladies? The ones mom shared out of maternal concern, sharp and cutting, letting you know that the source of life's happiness is found only in the reduction of your derriere? ALL LIES!!! LIES, I TELL YOU! The old broad was coveting your bountifulness the entire time!!! She was trying to bring you down! Down to her assless level! Apparently, curves actually ARE where it's at! Unless you have them in the wrong places, I suppose. Too much curvature in those places requires management and a barrier method, such as..

SmoothGrooves

You know how you avoid unwanted toe? It's not in buying a prosthetic "Barbie Crotch" (as xojane.com so lovingly put it). It's really simple. Quit trying to shove your size 16 ass into those size 6 pants. Remember, your bubble-butt is obviously a desirable physical characteristic if there are actually "shapewear" products ugly as sin that are designed to try and mimic it. I'd say to embrace your big ass, except people's spines don't actually twist in such a way that its physiologically possible. It occurs to me, that the combined effort of all of this "shapewear" (arm shapers, butt/hip pads, and vulva-flattening devices of your choice) could easily result in a new female form that looks something like this:

Sexy, huh?



There are plenty of unnatural and disturbing ways to alter your body, and some of them are pretty interesting..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye

Jesus H. Christ... Rome is burning and we're worried about how well the carpet matches the drapes?



The best part is the actual product description:

Betty products are specially formulated to color the hair down there.
(I suppose this is the "consumer-friendly" way of telling you that it won't burn your pubes off)

Natural looking.
(Note: This is the product description for a bottle of ULTRA-VIOLET colored pubic hair dye)

Covers gray.
(Just about as well as those other purple and blue shades that Gramma uses on her HEAD)

Lasts about four-five weeks.
(Which is about four to four and a half weeks longer than it takes for the average person to come off of a bender and wonder what the fuck possessed them to dye their pubes freakin' purple)

No drip - no mess formula.
(God, if only vaginas came with that sort of user assurance..)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, for something completely harmless and adorable.. take a look at THIS cute little guy!

Aww!!!!! So sweet and cuddly, but.. um.. what IS it? Kinda looks like a little gray soccer ball..

But it's not. It's a stuffed toy made in the likeness of a molecular view of HPV. It comes with a tag that bears an actual molecular image of the virus, and a brief description. It's marketed as an educational toy. The one below is a plush-toy representation of chlamydia.

Who knew chlamydia had such cute little buggy eyes?? Immediately following Chlamydia is HIV, a serious looking little microbe who's donning a sporty and socially-conscious red awareness ribbon.



I know I'm a sick bitch and all, but somehow I kind of like the plushie microbes. Huzzah for internet shopping and the assurance that I don't have to stand in line at a register while people judge me by my bizarre purchases. haha.

The Feminine Context

According to Seattle Pastor, 100% Of Men Are Gay.

According to Mark Driscoll, a popular Seattle pastor and head of the Mars Hill Ministry, masturbation is an act of homosexuality.

You heard him, guys. You're all totally fucking gay. Every last pud-pulling one of you.

Appletinis and Cosmos for all!!! It's rainin' men! Hallelujah!

Driscoll has apparently decided to kick his anti-porn campaign into high gear with his free new e-book, "Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation". While I have to hand it to the guy for being able to come up with a catchy title, he's clearly trying to take advantage of heterosexual men and their "OMFG I'M NOT GAY" knee-jerk reaction in an effort to scare people into supporting his own biblical interpretations. Within this e-book, Driscoll writes:

"...Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he's watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body."

According to Driscoll, the only way to whack it straight is in the physical company of your own wife, or by looking at her pictures. He really doesn't touch (ha!) on the idea of women masturbating, so I guess he thinks it doesn't really happen enough to condemn it.

Yeah. This is clearly a worldly and educated man. He'll write a book about the spiritual pitfalls of internet porn, but he's somehow managed to miss all the vibrator ads that come side by side WITH the porn.

Driscoll's known as being hardcore in his old school interpretation of scripture, actively fighting against feminism, premarital sex, and modern-style interpretations of the Bible such as his assertion that in his church Jesus will NOT be viewed as ""a Richard Simmons, hippie, queer Christ... a neutered and limp-wristed popular Sky Fairy of pop culture that . . . would never talk about sin or send anyone to hell."

..but seriously, how effective are your auto-eroticisms going to get with a limp wrist?

The 6 Worst Types Of Facebook Friends

For your amusement, six types of Facebook posters that are probably ruining your friends feed as we speak...


The Incessant Emo (IE)

Everyone has at least one or more of these among their friends. They never have anything pleasant to say. Now, it's not a requirement for me that my Facebook buddies fart rainbows and shit sunshine all day, every day. People normally have good days and bad days. That's fine. The Incessant Emo ONLY has bad days, and has an arsenal of depressing, maudlin, sullen comments to bomb your friends feed with, effectively commemorating every sad moment in their miserable existence. Does this look familiar to you?

Whiny McSadPants: you’re nothing more than my favorite scar - 6 hours ago

Whiny McSadPants: i’m just going to let my silence speak for itself and hope you hear it - 5 hours ago

Whiny McSadPants: i know when im being ignored. - 4 hours ago

Whiny McSadPants: omg i soooo don't need this. work can suck my balls. im calling in again - 3 hours ago

Whiny McSadPants: i need a new job. apparently my old one doesn't recognize depression as an illness. - 2 hours ago

This asshole can't write his way out of an old paper bag with a machete-tipped pen, but I can guarantee you that he's got a journal of "deep thoughts" hidden away somewhere. Probably under his bed, which is, by his own admission(s), is the loneliest place on Isolation Street. If it's not that his girlfriend left him, its that he had to work and missed the midnight showing of "Twilight" and that's how chronically unfair life is to him. When the Incessant Emo ISN'T just whining at random, he has other bad social networking habits with which he will annoy you. Typical IE behaviors include:

- Posting "ironic" graphics. These are often blurry and/or black and white images of people with bad haircuts/piercing choices, looking angry, cold, hungry, sad, or maybe about to hurt themselves with sharp objects. Sometimes it's just a high-def black and white photo OF an object people are known to self-injure with (usually razor blades, but maybe pills or alcohol). The pictures usually have some short text emblazoned upon them, often mispelled, making what was supposed to be an edgy, dark statement into this afternoon's source of point-and-laugh hilarity.

- Posts that are intended to sound like a threat of self-injury or suicide. This are surefire attention-grabbers for people who haven't learned that it's better for everyone to IGNORE them. If you're actually concerned, it's better to send a private message in reply, than to open the big can of pity worms that's ready spring at the press of a "reply" button.

- Posts that link to music videos by bands you've barely heard of. Most of them sound exactly alike.
Not only does he pollute your friends list with his melodramatic outcries for attention, he has a tendency to hijack other people's POSITIVE news with his trademark patheticisms. Sure, when your baby was born he said "congrats", but then immediately updated his own status to something about being alone and how awful the world is.

If they're not "lifestyle emo", then there may be hope that this person will get the fuck over it in a few weeks/months. Otherwise, you're better off deleting some of the unyeilding negativity that's going to continue to flood your Facebook feed for all of eternity, or at least until their mom stops paying for their internet access.

The Edgy Activist (EA)

Your typical EA is either a college student, an adult (often male) over 40, or a stay-at-home mom. These are the people you friend on Facebook because you know them from "around" and a few posted infographics later, you can't help but regret your attempt to be sociable. EAs on my friends list have posted some of the dumbest, most short-sighted, and OFFENSIVE statements I have ever heard, and for me, that's saying something. I've had the entire goddamn internet at my disposal since I was seventeen years old.

I'm one of those crazy liberals, so most of that kind of propaganda doesn't bother or offend me. If anything, I find posts that are in support of gay marriage and women's reproductive rights to be enlightening or amusing, depending on how they are presented. That's not just because I'm a liberal, though. Most of THOSE posts are fairly positive and humorous in nature, trying to make light of a controversial situation.

What I just cannot force myself to get behind are the downright offensive statements that I see circulating about conservative opinions. Sometimes, I don't understand how I got to be friends with people who will post outright intolerance. I'm sure my conservative friends feel the same way about me, and I'm also sure that everyone ends up acting like a EA over some issue or another. The trick is to keep it to a limit. If that's ALL you end up posting about, you're gonna end up getting blocked.

The Mommy Monster (MM)

I'm guilty of being an MM, and most women who've had a baby have gone a bit MM at first. When you HAVE a baby, that baby becomes your whole entire world for a while. It's NORMAL, and it's part of being a good mom. I actually have to wonder about you if your Facebook posts are NOT baby-centered after just having one, it's only natural after going through pregnancy and delivering that baby for a person to want to SHOW that baby and talk about it all the time. I mean, damn, there's NOTHING that most women are more proud of than the beautiful, tiny little human who's so perfect.. aww!!!

That being said, there's a point where you need to calm down a bit.

It's not really the excited mother's posts about her own baby, its the ones about everyone ELSE'S babies. Nothing is worse than the mother who's discovered that her mothering-style is working SO WELL for her new little family, that she now believes its the only way to parent any child, anywhere. In fact, she's so convinced that she knows the way, she has no problem telling all the OTHER parents how to do their jobs better. It's not always a direct order, sometimes she tries the blatantly obvious passive-aggressive route. The MM will wait til another mom posts about her child's allergies, and then make a post about how she's SO glad the SHE chose breastfeeding because it helps to prevent allergies in the future. It's not that the MM's post is incorrect, breastfeeding DOES help prevent allergies and it is the best choice for babies. It's that this particular pro-breastfeeding post came POINTEDLY no less than 45 seconds AFTER the other mother shared her child's allergy story. It's a direct "this is why I'm a BETTER MOMMY THAN YOU" post, and it's a bitch move.

Come on, ladies. Let's try to be good mommies by setting a good example about being supportive and not COMPETITIVE with our friends. You kinda lose some "AWESOME MOM" points if you attempted to boost them by being a BITCH.

The Overgrown Adolescent (OA)

I can make an educated guess here that maybe 70-85% of your friends feed is littered with posts from these bastards, at any given time of the day. You've probably just come home from your job, where you busted your ass for eight hours or more trying to make enough to pay at least a few of your bills, and you open Facebook to see some horseshit like this:

Overgrown Adolescent: OMG. OMG. OMG. Me and Dumbass ClothesWhore need to go shopping!!!! - 6 hours ago

Dumbass ClothesWhore: We need to get tans first! did u see my sisters white-ass legs?? - 6 hours ago

Overgrown Adolescent: ikr?? shes in college and has her own place and a job. like, wtf can't she get a freakin spray-on or something? - 5 hours ago

Dumbass ClothesWhore: don't worry about it. she is like, the death of fun. shes in some boring ass science major so shes probably like, the only woman around. i guess she doesn't have to try around those geeks. - 5 hours ago

Overgrown Adolescent: i can't wait to get to the mall!! my dads all on my ass about getting a job and i told him that i cant afford to get my car fixed. u pick me up right? - 4 hours ago

Dumbass ClothesWhore: o ya.. i got my moms. my sister got it fixed! :DDDDD - 4 hours ago

Overgrown Adolescent: yay!!!!! now we can have our 27th b-day parties together at La Cantina! TEQUILA! - 3 hours ago

You see where this is going, don't you? There you are, tired as hell, with real issues of your own to deal with. You look on your Facebook to see how your mom is doing, or check in on a friend who's been having a rough time with her sick husband, and here is a whole conversation between two worthless bitches about wasting money and other people's time on STUPID BULLSHIT. It's one thing to live at home with reduced responsibility because you're in a jam. It's a whole other level of childishness to live at home and waste what money you can get together pretending that you're one of the fucking Kardashians. Worse still, making a point of putting down people who ARE working to handle REAL problems just lets everyone know that you're a walking waste of your parents time. It's better to cut these people off your list before you end up bashing your own head into your monitor in rage.

The Bitter Divorcee' (BD)

Well, no one can jump on this person's ass too hard. Most likely, their ex has probably done a hell of a job already.

Let's just be honest, this person is just like a terrible car wreck you pass on your way to work. It's awful, and it's scary, and it's upsetting to see, but still.. you can't turn away and not look at it. Watching a breakup occurring between two parties on Facebook is even worse. You may give yourself an internal talking-to about how you shouldn't pay it so much attention, and how awful it must be for both of them. No matter how much you hate yourself for it, you can't ignore it. This is the entire basis for reality television. People are nosy and are compelled to observe tragedy, and personal tragedy is even MORE compelling because its something people are usually trying to cover up.

After someone loses a lover, by any means, its like a limb has been ripped off. Except, they feel socially compelled to pretend it was never anything that they needed (like a limb), and to keep walking along (minus that limb they've become accustomed to) like everything is not only OKAY, but BETTER without it. It's a long process to get over that kind of emotional amputation, and during that process, your friends are going to see the pain no matter how hard you try and hide it. If anything, its worse when you do try to pretend that you're "fine". It's a seeping wound that's going to take a long time to heal, and there's nothing you can do but wait it out.

Why is WHY you shouldn't share posts about how much you're hurting with anyone but people that you can TRUST to handle it. Otherwise, you're running the risk of a flame war started by someone who doesn't know or care enough about you to be sensitive to your condition. Then your friends are going to have to get involved and back you up. More ugliness in the world develops out of breakups than anywhere else, and Facebook is like a petri dish for cultivating interpersonal problems.

The E-Culture Ignoramus (ECI)

I almost titled this one "The Geriatric", which isn't actually fair. I know quite a few geriatric people who are way more technologically advanced than some younger Facebook users. It's true that most ECI's are older, often someone's parents or grandparents, and aren't so much annoying, as they are totally and unintentionally fucking hilarious.

ECIs are mostly new to the internet, or will appear that way forever, coming from a background that doesn't value sarcasm as highly as the majority of internet users seem to. If they did, they would think about what dirty jokes or double-entendres or culture references could be drawn from the words they post, before they post them. If they were even slightly near the edge of average internet humor, they would at least understand the replies they're getting on the seemingly innocuous post they left on Facebook. This does NOT just occur on Facebook, but it's one of the many places it does show up. Here's a good example..


see more Failbook
.............. and the entire internet snickers with glee.
How about this one?

see more Failbook

I heard another story from a friend who's mom thought "LOL" meant "Lots of love". This resulted in her sending him a text message one day that read "Gramma died lol"
Of course, as bad as this might sound, nothing is worse than parents who actually do know how to post, but don't really have any sense of "netiquitte". Or plain don't give a fuck about it....


see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

see more Failbook

It's always funny til it's YOUR mom...

Extreme Reversionist Report 2011! Part Two: Michele Bachmann

Man, and I thought Palin was scary.

As a feminist, I can't honestly tell you that I wouldn't looooooove to see a woman elected into the White House. Seriously, I think I can feel the tingle of an estrogen surge just thinking about it. Just a tingle, mind you.

That does not mean I want just anyone who happens to carry around a uterus sitting her ass down and propping her pumps atop the desk in the oval office. In fact, at this very moment, a truly nightmarish beast seeks the Presidency, and she must be stopped.

Michele Bachmann cannot be allowed to take office.

If you are white, heterosexual, and male, and you possess even a shred of empathy for anyone who isn't all three of those things, you won't vote for this She-Beast and her White-Hot-Flaming husband.  This pair of nutcases want to throw us all back into the dark ages just as hard as she can throw us (personally, I think the husband is more of an underhand pitcher, unless he's totally the "catcher" I suspect he is).

If you've got plenty of money and you live rather comfortably, it might be easy to get on board with someone whose ideas and policies seem to affect you personally by way of just lessening your taxes by a smidge. Remember, though.. any tragedy could befall you at any time that would drastically change your life circumstances. When it does, TEA party members and Republicans (and anyone else whose political affiliation is socially conservative) would be just as happy for you to either hurry up and stop being poor, or just die already because you'll be bad for morale.

From Wikipedia:

"Michele Marie Bachmann (née Amble; April 6, 1956) is a Republican member of the United States House of Representatives, representing Minnesota's 6th congressional district, a post she has held since 2007. The district includes several of the northern suburbs of the Twin Cities, such as Woodbury, and Blaine as well as Stillwater and St. Cloud.


She is currently a candidate for the Republican nomination in the 2012 U.S. presidential election. She previously served in the Minnesota State Senate and is the first Republican woman to represent the state in Congress. Bachmann is a supporter of the Tea Party movement and a founder of the House Tea Party Caucus."

Let's start with this random assortment of crazy shit said by Michele Bachmann. It's as good a place to start as any.



1: Bachmann attempts to scare us from opening the door to the Census taker, because Census information was once used to "round the Japanese into internment camps". This was taken from an interview with Fox News wherein she made public her refusal to participate in the US Census (which is against the law). She was justifying her refusal by suggesting that the current forces in government are SO OUT TO FREAKING GET HER, that she refuses to disclose her information to them. She was expanding upon a previous mention she'd made about the then recently-passed national service bill that had basically increased the scope of Americorps. While even she had to admit that the current legislation made Americorps a voluntary service, eventually it would lead to legislation that would force young people into mandatory re-education camps. This is one of her many examples of convoluted scare tactics that end up being double-talk, seeing as how her own son joined "Teach For America", a member program of Americorps, AFTER the passing of the aforementioned national service bill.

2. "We're running out of rich people in this country" - Michele Bachmann.

3. Bachmann makes the point that the swine flu breaks out during the times when the President of the United States happens to be a democrat. It would be a catty, bitchy, cheap-shot comment to make anyway, but then of course her understanding of U.S. history is so poor that she got her ass handed to her by actual data and facts. The 1970's swine flu outbreak occurred during a time where Nixon (a republican) was in office.

4. From DumpBachmann.com

"During an appearance at Boutwells Landing in Oak Park Heights in late September, Bachmann said: "When people give you money, what that says is, they believe in you. They're endorsing you. It doesn't mean I endorse them. I wouldn't say that about my opponent, and so I think it's unfair."

Yet barely a month later, Bachmann showed her true colors and put out an ad which falsely implied that Patty Wetterling wanted to negotiate with terrorists. The claim was based solely on a three-year old quote from a member of an organization that contributed to Wetterling's campaign.

Moderator Kerri Miller confronted Bachmann about her outlandish ad at an MPR debate on November 1st: "How do you get from point A, contributing to Patty Wetterling's campaign, to she wants to sit down with Osama bin Laden?"

Bachmann stumbled in her answer, replying: "The organization called Peace PAC is a radical organization that wants to defund the military. That's what Peace PAC believes. Peace PAC believes that."
to which Ms. Miller replied "I'm sorry Michele, but you're making that up.

5. "Carbon Dioxide is portrayed as harmful, but there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. It is a HARMLESS gas" - Michele Bachmann.

Okay, maybe not one, but how about these three?

Carbon Dioxide Toxicity in Emergency Medicine
Toxicity of Carbon Dioxide - A Review
Evaluation of the Acute Toxicity of CO2

6. Bachmann calls for McCarthy-esque investigation into "Anti-American" activities of liberals.  Remember, kids.. "If your mommy is a commie, better turn her in!"

7. Bachmann refers to the U.S. government as a "gangster government" under President Obama, making mention of the term "czars", which in fact started during the administration of former President George W. Bush.

8. "Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal" - Michele Bachmann

9. "I would have voted in favor of the life of Terri Schaivo, she was a woman who was healthy and had brain damage.... from a health point of view, she was not terminally ill" - Michelle Bachmann. Yes, people are indeed laughing at her in the background.

There's some bullshit with poor sound quality about how gay marriage is going to be imposed on Minnesota, etc.. we'll get to that later. To put it succinctly?

Goddamn.. bitch is CRAZY.

I don't know if she's just totally fucking too stupid to know what she's saying, or if she's got someone in her ear telling her what to say and her parroting-skills don't lend themselves well to the improvisational nature of public speaking. I don't know how in the hell she's got as many people in support of her as she does, what with the unfailing knack she has for contradicting herself. She's got a file as long as my arm on PolitiFact.com, which is a non-partisan website that determines fact from fiction when it comes to the talking points and statements of U.S. politicians. Bachmann has actually dipped from the "liar" end of the scale, down to the "pants on fire" end.

Let's go on, shall we? Here's where things get scary as fuck. Currently, Bachmann's digging herself a major hole and is holding onto her (incorrect) position with the tenacity of a pitbull on a t-bone steak.

 During a GOP debate, Bachmann decided to enter a pissing match with opponent Rick Perry over his signing an order for middle school girls to get HPV vaccinations in his home state of Texas. The argument is really based in the fact that the vaccine is meant to guard against Human Papilloma Virus, which is a sexually-transmitted disease that is known to cause cervical cancer. Bachmann decided it would look UBER-CONSERVATIVE of her to take a pot-shot at Perry and call him a bad conservative because, clearly, mandating an order that would protect girls against an STD means that you're installing a neon-sign that reads "OPEN FOR BUSINESS" over their naughty parts. Where she really screwed herself was in her tendency to embellish facts for dramatic effect, and claim that she'd personally met a woman whose daughter had become mentally retarded because of an HPV vaccination. This is a claim that she can't substantiate, nor can she produce the "woman" who told her this tragic tale, oh.. and it's a BIG FUCKING LIE.

What's worse, is that she can't fucking let it go. She's going so far now as to label Perry's Texas vaccine mandate as "Perrycare", so she's got another keyword to harp upon when she goes running off at the mouth about it again.

HPV is often carried by men who aren't routinely tested for the virus, because its usually asymptomatic in males and there are no tests to properly determine HPV in men. Meanwhile, they get tested for other diseases and infections, come up "clear" and give the gift of cervical cancer to women who ALSO won't know about it unless their doctor is one of the few who make such tests a mandatory part of a full gynecological visit. Most of the time, the woman never knows she has it until something goes horribly awry with her pap-smear, in which case she gets brought back for a painful colposcopy. If you're at colposcopy level and pre-cancerous cells are found, you're considered "lucky", because at least you've got a doctor paying attention for cancer to develop in your cervix before it metastasizes like a motherfucker. Did I mention that cancer-causing HPV never goes away, it can be transmitted despite use of condoms, and that it's one of the most prevalent undetected viruses among human beings worldwide?

But despite all of these facts, Bachmann wants to pretend she's protecting innocent virgin girls so that they can save themselves for marriage, like that's going to fucking happen. With the extreme social conservative 100% pro-life stance, the conservative idea that making birth control available turns otherwise "good" girls into bad, and the idea that vaccinations to protect your girly parts will ALSO make you a slut, Bachmann is basically telling girls that sexuality leads to nothing but social ostracism, shame, and potentially, death.

Alex Pareene of Salon.com put it beautifully:

"Conservatives oppose giving girls the HPV vaccine because they want premarital sex to have (potentially deadly) consequences, not because they think vaccines are inherently dangerous."

Sounds about right.

Toward the end of limiting reproductive choice AND health, Michele Bachmann has also been caught in a major lie she told about a Planned Parenthood clinic in Illinois, which she accused of trying to be "Big Abortion. The LensCrafters of Big Abortion". The embedding link for this video on YouTube.com has been "removed by request, and although it wouldn't be any trick to embed it here anyway, I'll just embed a video of a CNN report talking about how LensCrafters was, understandably, pissed off.



As you can see in the video, Bachmann misquoted a Planned Parenthood CEO who ACTUALLY said he wanted Planned Parenthood to "Be the LensCrafters of Family Planning", the term "family planning" encompassing a hell of a lot more than abortion, Bachmann and her flair for embellishment struck yet again, and she had to substitute the term "Big Abortion". LensCrafters was not amused at all by ANY variation on the theme, so long as their brand kept getting put in the middle of it.

But of course, Bachmann isn't done with abortion on that note.. she continues on with the following little gem..



So, that's a long, convoluted "NO" on whether she supports a woman's right to abort under ANY circumstances whatsoever. Note that in the video, she keeps saying that life is a "God-given right from conception to natural death". In case you didn't get it, she says that very statement twice. She also adds that only GOD can give or take life, not government.

Just don't get sick. Or old, for that matter. Then she doesn't want to talk to you. She wants to wean everyone off social security and medicare.

From TalkingPointsMemo.com

"So, what you have to do, is keep faith with the people that are already in the system, that don't have any other options, we have to keep faith with them. But basically what we have to do is wean everybody else off," said Bachmann. "And wean everybody off because we have to take those unfunded net liabilities off our bank sheet, we can't do it. So we just have to be straight with people. So basically, whoever our nominee is, is going to have to have a Glenn Beck chalkboard and explain to everybody this is the way it is."
 
Michele Bachmann is married to Dr. Marcus Bachmann, and together they own and operate Bachmann & Associates, a "Christian Counseling" clinic. Marcus Bachmann is perhaps best known for this bit of insanity, doles out on air during a religious radio talk show..



To clarify, the exact quote is as follows:

“We have to understand: Barbarians need to be educated,” Bachmann says in the clip. “They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature. We have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings from moving into the action steps. ...

“And let’s face it: what is our culture, what is our public education system doing today? They are giving full, wide-open doors to children, not only giving encouragement to think it but to encourage action steps. That’s why when we understand what truly is the percentage of homosexuals in this country, it is small. But by these open doors, I can see and we are experiencing, that it is starting to increase.” - Dr. Marcus Bachmann
Call me politically incorrect, I don't care. Gay men around the world, YOU KNOW I ADORE YOU.. that said, did you catch the lisp? Here's a better question.. is it possible to miss the lisp? Can you not picture this guy in an ascot, hand on one hip, other hand wagging a finger of judgement atop a wilted wrist in the stereotypical "no no NO, girl!" manner, telling uth people that we jutht don't underthtand theth barbarian gayth!?

If you'd like to use Google to gather an amount of public opinion, all you have to do is enter "bachmann" and "gay" to find multiple web articles, all of which have the same headline..

"Everyone thinks Marcus Bachmann is gay"

To use one variation on a popular theme, Bachmann's so far in the closet he's hiding next year's Christmas presents in the far end of Narnia. Watch (and OMG listen) to this video clip taken of Marcus Bachmann meeting up with his wife in the "green room" at one of her television appearances. The title of this video is "Michele Bachmann's very NOT GAY flaming husband".



I really think the evidence speaks for itself, don't you? Oh you DON'T think so? Well you're just a SILLY, aren't you dear??

I normally don't add parodies or links to satirical items in posts like these, but I can't help it. This is from Second City, and it's to die for, girl!!



On a more serious note, the Bachmann's first denied that their clinic counsels people out of "the homosexual lifestyle", until a member of Truth Wins Out, a group that combats the dangerous practice of what is known as "reparative therapy" went undercover to the clinic to discuss his sexuality with a counselor. This is what he was told..

"Despite the fact that I never once mentioned having insecurities surrounding my own masculinity, Wiertzema took it upon himself to reassure me in our fifth session that “…because you have feelings of homosexuality, [it] doesn’t mean you don’t have masculinity. I’m just gonna go ahead and say that.” I was encouraged to further develop my own sense of masculinity and my personal definition of what it meant to be a man. When I mentioned that I can objectively acknowledge a woman’s beauty without having any sexual feelings toward her whatsoever, I was told that whenever I saw an attractive woman I just needed to reinforce in my mind that she was, indeed, attractive, and that God made her this way and made me to notice her. After all, “God designed our eyes to be attracted to the woman’s body, to be attracted to everything, to be attracted to her breasts.” Further, according to Wiertzema, “We’re all heterosexuals, but we have different challenges.” Attraction to the same sex “is there, and it’s real, but at the core value, in terms of how God created us, we’re all heterosexual.” The full article can be found here.

Did I mention that this clinic, clearly religious in nature, receives state and federal funding? Additionally, a great number of the counselors that practice at the Bachmanns' clinic have "degrees" from Argosy University, which has been sued by multiple students for lack of accreditation despite its promises that the school was in the process of obtaining it. Additionally, if you look up names like "Mike Griffith", and other names of counselors at these clinics on Google, you can find them running a posting campaign of massive proportions on the message board and forum areas of any television network or news website that has featured a story about one or both of the Bachmanns.

Maybe Michele Bachmann is a little bitter about the whole gay thing because of her husbands' nature. Maybe that's what leads her to have opinions like those she shared with Jay Leno.. Note how she tries to play dumb and cute, and Jay doesn't let her off the hook.



Ah.. they "don't discriminate". Cute.

Jay Leno makes another good point about why the TEA party gets itself in the middle of the private lives of Americans. I mentioned this in the last article I wrote about Rick Santorum, how it's fascinating to me that conservatives bandy about the term "Big Government" and how we need to get it out of our lives, yet the first thing they want to do is tell you who you can marry and how often you can have sex. Does it GET more personally invasive than that?

Oh, and she says that she likes Sarah Palin.

Ok, forget the parroting thing I mentioned. She's just a moron.