Sarcasm FTW! "Rape Prevention" PSA Kicks Serious Ass

TFC heartily approves this message, brought to you byAll India Bakchod kicks rape culture norms in the ass and out in the open for all to see. Good work, y'all!

Direct link here: "It's Your Fault"
The Feminine Context

Reality TV star goes to unreal lengths justifying spousal abuse

What in the holy fuck, yo?

'Real Housewife' Melissa Gorga's New Book Advocates Marital Rape - Jezebel

Let me just get it out of the way.. I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF TV.. specifically because I have no desire to see Kardashians, Hedonistic Housewives, or any other kind of television show that follows women around to watch them shop, be catty for the sake of cattiness, bolster the validity of the worst kind of female stereotypes, or otherwise celebrate wastefulness and selfishness. Sorry people, Rome is burning and as such, I could care less about the window treatments, catfights, or in-home mani-pedi that some polished, plucked, spritzed, painted banshee is screeching about in her excessively expensive home.

As I get older, and see more and more people struggling to just fucking FEED themselves and their children on a daily basis, I can't help but find myself vomitously disgusted by these "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" throwbacks. But I digress...

NOW, as if ovary-bearing individuals are not slogging their way through enough problems with prevalent rape-culture, street harrassment, and slut-shaming, we've got a new bible for the apologetic battered housewife.. "Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage" - by Melissa Gorga

Not only does this book divulge personal details of this woman's systematic abuse and subjugation in her marriage at the hands of her husband, Joe, it goes on to profess that his temper, selfishness, and controlling behaviour are merely "manly" traits that should not only be tolerated, but cherished and lovingly acknowledged as true romance shown from a man to a woman.

In fact, he's so lovingly helicoptering this woman ALL the fucking time, that she wasn't permitted to so much as write the book HERSELF.. oh no.. there are sections written ENTIRELY BY JOE in HER book, to the point that it would appear he is interrupting and shouting over her in printed word as much as we can surmise he does in person.

Here's a real gem by the aforementioned Joe, wherein he appears to find sexual assault both hot and a husbandly duty:

"Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says "no," turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want."

DAMN, ladies! Just give them what they want and whenever they want it! Why didn't WE think of that? Probably because our ladybits make us overly emotional and illogical. Thank GOD for men like Joe and the brain-adjusting semen injections they can provide for us! However could we become the ideal dishwashing, brainless, babymaking, bedroom vamping, foundation-plastered automatons we ALL desire to be without all the dick that guys like Joe insist on giving us whenever they feel like it? ALL HAIL THE DEMANDING MAN AND HIS BLESSED SEXUAL AGGRESSION! Didn't you know that toddler-style temper tantrums and demands are COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE out of grown men? The only difference is that when boys grow into men they are BIG and STRONG and can rip your clothes off to get the "cookies" as is the right of the husband and....

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A CRACKER ARE YOU SERIOUS? REALLY?? SOMEONE ACTUALLY PUBLISHED A CONTEMPORARY BOOK MAKING MARITAL RAPE SOUND NORMAL???

Also, gals... did you know your husband is not supposed to be aware of the bodily functions you and he have in common? Melissa says that women don't shit.

Seriously.

"Girls don't poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn't happen. Or, that's what Joe thinks! We've been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don't do it when he's around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won't hear, smell, or see. It's a challenge."

Thanks a pantload, Melissa Gorga. .. er.. or not.

This might be where we've all gone wrong, girls. If you're not playing "Hide and Shit", your relationship is doomed. I gotta say, though.. if that is, indeed, "what Joe thinks", Joe is not the sharpest tool in the shed. He's a tool, sure.. just not a very sharp one.

More husbandly advice from the magnanimous Joe..

"To be on the same level, everyone has to get off the high horse. I don't care if the woman makes more money than the man, if he's a janitor and she's the president. After a fourteen-hour workday, if a man comes home and there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone, watching TV, or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected."

So... leader of the free world best be home early makin' you a steak, huh? What a douchebag..

Oh, and this (from Joe):

"I don't feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don't wipe my babies' either."

Damn, Melissa.. how do you let him leave the house? I'm sure the bitches are lining up READY to pounce on this one! Sarcasm aside, its really this paragraph from the first chapter that kills me. Basically, a foreword that explains how she got into this mess in the first place..

"I was envious of girls with daddies to turn to. They could make a call, and their fathers would swoop in to fix their car brakes, give them a loan, or make them feel treasured and special. I missed that closeness. I found myself drawn to a certain kind of man, a father figure who made me feel protected and would tell me right from wrong. They weren’t older than me per se. It was the authoritative and instructive personality type—someone who could take charge—that attracted me. I know a lot of women wouldn’t like that. But I responded to it."

If that isn't heartbreaking enough, she later tells of Joe's "instruction" in their married life together, outlining a pattern of abuse that first assures her that there is something wrong with her that needs to be "corrected" and how validating his controlling behaviour is essential to the health of their marriage.

"His style was to make corrections and to teach me from the beginning days of our marriage exactly how he envisioned our life together. Joe always says, "You got to teach someone to walk straight on the knife. If you slip, you're going to get cut." Even if something didn't bother him that badly, he'd bring it up. He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn't like it. He'd call me and say, "I don't care if you're out all day long. But I don't want to come home to an empty house."

... you know.. God forbid she see herself as an individual person. According to Joe, she isn't. She's a WIFE, and therefore property meant to feed, breed, clean up after, and sexually serve him.

Someone got the big balls and wanna try some "feminism is outdated/unnecessary" shit with me today?


The Feminine Context

"Not Really" Is Still "No". One Man's Introspective Article

Anyone who has read this blog can easily detect my feminism within a few posts. It's not something I hide, I don't consider "feminism" a bad word, and I don't use feminism as a way to assault men. As a feminist, I tend to worry less about what men are doing, and find myself most often taking offense at the behaviors of other women who want to reap the rewards of feminism while abandoning the personal responsibility of earning them.

That being said, I'm not a mysogynist. Sexual politics within any culture are complex by nature, built upon historical, religious, economical, and other factors. To unravel an issue, means that one must take the time to untie all of the good intentions and practical measures that somehow developed into a likely unintentional problem. With the efforts of many individuals on different ends of the discussion, there can be some understanding and resolution.

This is why I ADORE you, Hugo Schwyzer.

His bio, from his website:

"Hugo Schwyzer is an American author, speaker and professor of history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. He presents workshops on body image, sexual harassment, rape prevention, and the “myth of male weakness.” He is also a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio programs and has appeared on CNN and CTV (Canada) as an expert on body image, sexuality and gender justice."


I came across one of Mr. Schwyzer's articles today, and simply HAD to share it..


From "Accidental rape. I knew I hadn't committed a crime but..."


"Most “good guys” take a woman’s firm “No!” for an answer. (Those who don’t are best left to the ministrations of our criminal justice system.) But lots of men are like the guy I was at 19—assuming that while “no means no” anything short of a firm “no” is either a “yes” or a “keep at it, boy, because you just might get a ‘yes’ soon.” Call it male sexual legalism, the first rule of which is “All that is not expressly prohibited is assumed to be permitted.” That legalism can turn many men into accidental rapists"

We need more of this guy, and less of this guy..

The Feminine Context

Saga Of The Sodden Stay-At-Home Moms

This is an actual facebook conversation, saved, names and identities removed. These are women whose "job" within the structure of their family is to stay home and care for their children. I seriously doubt their husbands get to drink at THEIR jobs.

I am a stay at home mother with about a billion other irons in the fire from working online, and somehow, it never occurs to me to get trashed while my child is under my care. I posted a bit about this phenomena HERE and HERE, and every time I think I was being unreasonable, I see something else that makes my stomach turn.

I hate to think of what these women would have to say about babysitters or teachers or childcare workers who drank "socially" or to "relax" while at their jobs. So what makes it different when the drinking is done by mom at home? Why is it "cute" because they're saying "glass of wine"? What if they said "Jack& Coke" or "Jello Shots"? It's the same thing except the public idea is that jello shots are stronger, so more caution might be taken when it came to pounding em down. I sincerely doubt anyone would find it remotely classy that women who don't work and bring in an income for the family are watching their kids hammered on whiskey or vodka, but somehow when it's wine, it's suburban chic?

Are we actually lamenting the fact that no one can get away with popping Valium like its candy? While caring for children?

The Feminine Context

Parents Generation v. Current Generation

Borrowed from the FABULOUS TequilaxMockingbird, the "Will" to my "Grace", who got it from God knows where.. hilarious in how tragically accurate it is..

The Feminine Context

Topeka, Kansas. America's #1 Bitch-Slapping City

A budget war in Kansas between the city of Topeka and Shawnee County has resulted in city officials making good on a threat they'd issued in an effort to try and get their way. Because Topeka's leaders don't want to get stuck with the bill for arrests, jailing, and prosecution of misdemeanor cases, a law has been repealed and those suspects previously arrested on misdemeanor charges (over half of whom were suspects in domestic violence cases) are being set free without charges.

Many states are committed to jailing individuals who are arrested for domestic violence, and even when they are released they are often let go under "no contact" orders in the interest of protecting victims. A great number, if not most states, do not allow for victims to drop charges, instead taking the authoritative role and pressing charges against the accused as the state itself. This is ALSO done for the protection of the victim.

Domestic violence is a crime of arranged opportunity, for lack of a better description. Violence in these cases is most often precipitated by long periods of abusing the victim in ways that demoralize, isolate, and demean. By way of methods that slowly alter the perception of reality of both the victim and the abuser, an opportunity to control and perpetrate violence toward the victim is afforded to the abuser. In turn, the codependency of the relationship between the abuser and the victim sends BOTH PARTIES spiralling into a dangerous living situation that can result in long-term damage to their emotional and mental well-being, if not a deadly outcome for one or both of them. The most painful yet helpful method of breaking this cycle is to separate the abuser and the abused for some period of time, if not permanently. Unfortunately, the secrecy due to shame and guilt on the part of both parties makes it often NECESSARY that law enforcement intervene.

Often, the abuser has gone so long unchecked by anyone, that they bear very strong opinions and often feel persecuted themselves due to the power-imbalance that has existed in their homes for far too long. An abuser KNOWS their actions are incorrect, and the guilt often causes their reactions to conflict to become MORE excessively violent and paranoid as they develop exaggerated defense mechanisms. The abuser's guilt mounts, and s/he seeks to justify their actions by seeing a threat or insult in almost everything the victim does. The fear of exposure for their mounting misbehavior grows more intense as time goes on, making them, paranoid, jumpy, hyper-aggressive, and the abuser will sometimes turn to drugs or alcohol to cope, leaving them now mentally imbalanced AND inebriated.

The victim of the abused usually begins accepting and tolerating the abuser's behavior out of a place of love and concern. Excuses are made for their loved one's abuse, such as "He's under stress", or when things begin to escalate further, "He's not well. I can't leave someone who's sick or having a problem. If I stick it out, I can help them". Domestic abuse suffered as children translates into a higher tolerance for it in an adult relationship. For example, if your father was abusive, to condemn or judge your partner unworthy for engaging in the same actions your father did, means to some degree that you are also condemning the father that you know, love, and accept. The abuser will shift blame to the victim when he is wrong, just as most people shift blame (when remotely possible) when they are wrong.  Before it becomes a physically or sexually violent relationship, the abused person has most often become conditioned by the hostile environment to the extent that they may feel they deserve the abuse or that it's "not that bad". As the abuse escalates, so increases the victims' likelihood to excuse or rationalize it.

This is why law enforcement is SUPPOSED to step in and separate the victim from the abuser. The two parties have become so adept at and codependent in rationalizing horrendous behaviors and a lifestyle that emotionally healthy people would find abnormal and alarming, that they literally need to be forced apart before death or major physical injury occurs (or occurs AGAIN). Both the victim and the abuser are so isolated from healthy relationships, that they will seek to cling to each other AND their unhealthy lifestyle because everything outside of it has become foreign and terrifying.

That's why states and cities have to protect the victim long enough that some mental and emotional clarity can be found, and a healthy decision about the relationship can be reached. This protects not only the victim, but the ABUSER. If the abuser is not stopped, held, and given adequate time to collect him/herself, the anger at being exposed and challenged may often be enough to result in a murder, suicide, or both. Its not uncommon for abused persons to feel wracked with guilt over asking for help and getting their abusers into trouble. Remember, over time, the victim comes to see the abuser as the central figure in their whole world, and maybe the only person they have had to even talk to in a long time. Remove that from someone's life abruptly, and it's going to be like losing a limb.

This might not be a popular opinion, but there is something to be said for protecting the abuser as well as the victim. The person who abuses another is still someone's child, brother, relative, or most likely the much-loved partner of the very person that domestic violence laws are enforced to protect; the victim. There's no EXCUSE for abusing another person, but there should be an expectation that the abuser is not playing with a full deck if they've managed to convince themselves that what they are doing is justifiable. That in mind, this isn't someone you can turn loose, expecting them to make appropriate decisions without any chance to get their heads straight.

Someone who gets caught committing an act of physical injury to someone they live and share a life with needs to be punished for it, certainly. What's the purpose of punishment, though? Are we, as a society, about causing harm for harm, or are our punishments going to be enacted in a more thoughtful way as to try and rectify the problem that eventually warranted punishment? Forcing an accused abuser to spend a night in jail and calm down doesn't hurt them. Sure, it's embarrassing and it can probably make them more angry, but that's what that whole aforementioned "no contact" order is for.. so that the angry person cannot go an exact revenge upon someone who they blame for their embarrassment and anger. It's also to allow that person a chance AWAY from the individual who, in their altered viewpoint, they see as responsible for causing them so much anguish.

It's a win-win to enforce these laws for both parties, abused and abuser, even though at the time that the situation comes to a head and law enforcement has to become involved, everyone (victim included) is going to feel violated, exposed, hurt, and desperate. Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandage if you want a wound to heal, rather than leaving it covered and festering. In most (if not all) states that STATE charges are brought against an accused abuser, pre-trial intervention (PTI) programs are offered for first time offenders. This program requires offenders to plead "no-contest" and agree to random drug screenings, counseling and anger management classes, and some amount of community service. This is offered as an alternative to trial, jail time, and fines. PTI programs, when completed successfully, also allow most offenders an opportunity to get their offense eventually expunged from public record.

But if the state, city, or county can't be bothered to maintain enforcement of laws to properly handle domestic abusers and their victims, who is anyone supposed to call for help? I sincerely doubt that police would let a relative off the hook for enforcing "vigilante justice" (potentially at the barrel-end of a shotgun) to protect a loved one. So where are abused persons in Topeka going to go for help?

PSA:

If you believe that you or a loved one may be suffering in an abusive relationship, take a look at this site for a start.

LoveIsRespect.Org

Surrounded by Total Weaners And Staying A-Breast Of Research

No, I didn't misspell anything. I am surrounded by weaners. Big, obnoxious weaners who are constantly trying to pummel me with their weaniness.

I don't go all breastfeeding-nazi on here, and that's for a reason. As strongly as I feel about the subject, and I DO feel strongly about it, there are PLENTY of websites and blogs available for for breastfeeding mothers and bottle-feeding mothers to duke it out and sound like bitches together. I'm not going to participate, thanks. This bitch has nothing to prove to the rest of you bitches, and that's half the point of this post.

There are so many blogs and websites devoted to the daily minutia of motherhood, that it leaves me certain of a future field of psychotherapy that will deal exclusively with the tortured offspring of the web's former UberMommies, who have all been busy fighting for Alpha-Bitch rank while their kids sat in playpens and watched them type... WITH INDIGNATION. If possible, I'd like to avoid doing any more emotional damage to my daughter than the standard amount that she's sure to accuse me of by the time she hits sixteen and obnoxious. She's already slated to hit me with a full onslaught of teen angst when my powers of reason and self-composure will be weakened by menopause. Why should I leave my future opponent a time-capsule cache of surplus ammunition? That's like leaving the Terminator a "hope chest" full of weapons and emergency contact numbers for Sarah Conner. It's just asking for fucking problems..

This is probably not going to be the only post that I ever make on the subject of breastfeeding. I don't think it's wise of me to say "only once, and never again", because that's a rule I'm sure to break at some point. Be assured though, this isn't going to be a major trend on this blog.

So.. why does everyone seem to think they have a right to an opinion when it comes to me breastfeeding my child?

When my daughter was born and I committed to breastfeeding her, women I knew who didn't breastfeed their own children became noticeably uncomfortable. I started getting these bits of advice and "support" from other stay-at-home mothers like ..

"Well, even if you can only do it for (two weeks/a month/three months) that's good. That's enough"

"I guess it helps. They always say breast is best. It's just impractical."

"Oh dear, that's going to be exhausting"

"Don't force yourself to do it, if you can't, it's fine"

"If you're going to breastfeed, start pumping NOW. When you get tired of it, you can put her on a bottle and she can have breast milk longer."

and my favorite..

"Why are you letting her father be so LAZY? Pump that milk and make him feed her when he's home. Feeding just from the breast is too hard on anyone, and you might be risking her dad's ability to bond with her."

So by naturally feeding my child, without artificial food or implements (like bottles), I was apparently running headlong into a situation that undoubtedly wouldn't work out on a long-term basis, and I was denying her father some important bonding experience with his child. What a silly, impractical, selfish bitch I am!

What a load of bullshit.

These were stay-at-home mothers. The title alone can only suggest that the woman's primary function is to care for her child, herself, at home. I had determined that I, too, would stay home and thus, have the time and availability to my child so that I could feed her exclusively from the breast.

So what's the problem? Why is there an assumption that it's only human to want to pack it in on the nursing and toss the kid a bottle? With breastfeeding, I don't have to clean bottles, worry about the formula being warm, or if she's allergic to it. Not to mention the fact that there isn't a credible doctor ANYWHERE that's going to tell you that bottle-feeding is best or ideal. I'm willing to do it, so where is the problem?

Once that group realized that their lukewarm support (or negative opinion) of my breastfeeding wasn't affecting me in any way, the same crowd pretty much shut the hell up. Friends of mine who had primarily or wholly breastfed their children patted me on the back with a "good for you for sticking with it". However, without fail at every three month mark in my child's first year, someone invariably asked "oh my, are you still breastfeeding her?", as though they were surprised that I hadn't given up all that idealistic nonsense by now.

So here we are and my daughter is one year old, just popped out her first tooth (working on five more), no allergies, ear infections, etc, and her doctor says she is "perfect". Suddenly, even some of those who supported my breastfeeding are starting to assume I'm weaning her off the breast, some a little taken aback when I tell them I plan to nurse her for another year unless she gives it up herself before then.

It's really simple. I don't do things for her based on what's "comfortable" for me. I make decisions on how I care for her based on my research and careful consideration of all variables involved. I do things for my child based on what's best for her. 

That's called being a parent. It's not about me. It's about her. I'm a mother, and my baby is helpless and incapable of making any decisions or interventions regarding her own care. If I'm not her advocate and I don't put her first, no one else is going to do it.

Sure, breastfeeding can be really difficult, especially at first. Right after delivery, the entire lower half of your body (and I do mean the ENTIRE lower half) feels like someone dragged it behind a truck for about five miles. That's enough. When you breastfeed, the upper half starts to experience pain that really doesn't seem to make any sense. Before you have the baby, its easy enough to imagine that your nipples are going to be sore, but it's more than that. I remember hurting in places around the back of my rib cage, thinking, "what the FUCK? why would it hurt back THERE of all places?". Then, I did the damn research.

There's really no excuse to not know how your body works, considering that the internet makes it possible for you to learn these things without even getting out of your pajamas. Mammary glands and associated/connected glands were being used for the first time ever, at high volume and QUICKLY. You're damn right that shit is going to hurt. Why didn't the nurse tell me THAT at the hospital? Why did I hear "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong" instead of "hey, just a heads up, your armpits, breasts, rib cage, and shoulders are probably going to be pretty sore for the first month, but it goes away if you stick with it"?

It is a big commitment, as well. Solely breastfeeding means that no one can feed the baby but you, AND that the baby will eat about twice as often as a formula-fed baby, so that means you ain't goin' NOWHERE without her. It also meant that my girl never went to the pediatrician for anything but routine checkups and shots. As far as my physical discomfort was concerned, It DID get better and in the long run, breastfeeding my child cost less money, time, and effort than bottle feeding would have.

So why, when the World Health Organization recommends that babies breastfeed for two years, are my previously supportive peers getting weirded out that I choose to keep feeding my baby in the most medically-sound way possible? I'm the one with the chubby little darling using my breasts as a jungle gym, how is it anyone ELSE'S business to make my commitment to my child's health and well-being any more of a challenge than it already is?

My partner said, "Oh, don't worry about them..". I really don't WORRY about what people say and think when I make parenting decisions. I tend not to worry much about what people think or if they like me, but I do get irritated at the selfishness of insensitivity and by people's negative intentions. In short, if you see someone breaking their ass to be a good parent, what with all the people out there who pop out kids like their candy and don't even seem to LIKE their children (let alone concern themselves with their development), what in the hell would possess you to make a negative comment on someones parenting of a well-developed, healthy child who (under this same parents' care) is doing JUST GREAT?

I think the short answer is that sometimes, people need to shut the fuck up and mind their own business and their own kids. Here's a wild idea.. maybe bother to educate yourself so that you can make independent decisions for yourself and your own children, based on facts and data and not on what your mom (who you've been pissed off at since you were sixteen years old an obnoxious) said you should do. It's not that you can't take advice from people, but make sure it's good advice, especially before you go cramming it down everyone else's throat.

Yeah. This was a rant. Deal with it.

I need to go nurse my baby now, so before I go.. here are words and links from the World Health Organization that provide information about the benefits of breastfeeding. It IS the best for babies.

------------------------------------------------------------

WHO recommends

WHO strongly recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life. At six months, other foods should complement breastfeeding for up to two years or more. In addition:

• breastfeeding should begin within an hour of birth;
• breastfeeding should be "on demand", as often as the child wants day and night; and
• bottles or pacifiers should be avoided.

Health benefits for infants

Breast milk is the ideal food for newborns and infants. It gives infants all the nutrients they need for healthy development. It is safe and contains antibodies that help protect infants from common childhood illnesses - such as diarrhoea and pneumonia, the two primary causes of child mortality worldwide. Breast milk is readily available and affordable, which helps to ensure that infants get adequate sustenance.

Benefits for mothers

Breastfeeding also benefits mothers. The practice when done exclusively often induces a lack of menstruation, which is a natural (though not fail-safe) method of birth control. It reduces risks of breast and ovarian cancer later in life, helps women return to their pre-pregnancy weight faster, and lowers rates of obesity

Long-term benefits for children

Beyond the immediate benefits for children, breastfeeding contributes to a lifetime of good health. Adults who were breastfed as babies often have lower blood pressure and lower cholesterol, as well as lower rates of overweight, obesity and type-2 diabetes. There is evidence that people who were breastfed perform better in intelligence tests.

Why not infant formula?

Infant formula does not contain the antibodies found in breast milk and is linked to some risks, such as water-borne diseases that arise from mixing powdered formula with unsafe water (many families lack access to clean water). Malnutrition can result from over-diluting formula to "stretch" supplies. Further, frequent feedings maintain the breast milk supply. If formula is used but becomes unavailable, a return to breastfeeding may not be an option due to diminished breast milk production.

HIV and breastfeeding

For HIV-positive mothers, WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months unless replacement feeding is:

• acceptable (socially welcome)
• feasible (facilities and help are available to prepare formula)
• affordable (formula can be purchased for six months)
• sustainable (feeding can be sustained for six months)
• safe (formula is prepared with safe water and in hygienic conditions).

Regulating breast-milk substitutes

An international code to regulate the marketing of breast-milk substitutes was adopted in 1981. It calls for:

• all formula labels and information to state the benefits of breastfeeding and the health risks of substitutes;
• no promotion of breast-milk substitutes;
• no free samples of substitutes to be given to pregnant women, mothers or their families; and
• no distribution of free or subsidized substitutes to health workers or facilities.

Support for mothers is essential

Breastfeeding has to be learned and many women encounter difficulties at the beginning. Nipple pain, and fear that there is not enough milk to sustain the baby are common. Health facilities that support breastfeeding - by making trained breastfeeding counsellors available to new mothers - encourage higher rates of the practice. To provide this support and improve care for mothers and newborns, there are now more than 20 000 "baby-friendly" facilities in 152 countries thanks to a WHO-UNICEF initiative.

Work and breastfeeding

WHO recommends that a new mother should have at least 16 weeks of absence from work after delivery, to be able to rest and breastfeed her child. Many mothers who go back to work abandon exclusive breastfeeding before the recommended six months because they do not have sufficient time, or an adequate place to breastfeed or express and store their milk at work. Mothers need access to a safe, clean and private place in or near their workplaces to continue the practice.

The next step: phasing in new foods

To meet the growing needs of babies at six months of age, complementary foods should be introduced as they continue to breastfeed. Foods for the baby can be specially prepared or modified from family meals. WHO notes that:

• breastfeeding should not be decreased when starting complementary feeding;
• complementary foods should be given with a spoon or cup, not in a bottle;
• foods should be clean, safe and locally available; and
• ample time is needed for young children to learn to eat solid foods.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Acceptable medical reasons for use of breast-milk substitutes

Authors:
World Health Organization

Infants who should not receive breast milk or any other milk

except specialized formula

􀂄 Infants with classic galactosemia: a special galactose-free formula is needed.

􀂄 Infants with maple syrup urine disease: a special formula free of leucine,

isoleucine and valine is needed.

􀂄 Infants with phenylketonuria: a special phenylalanine-free formula is

needed (some breastfeeding is possible, under careful monitoring).

Infants for whom breast milk remains the best feeding option

but who may need other food in addition to breast milk for a limited period

􀂄 Infants born weighing less than 1500 g (very low birth weight).

􀂄 Infants born at less than 32 weeks of gestational age (very pre-term).

􀂄 Newborn infants who are at risk of hypoglycaemia by virtue of impaired metabolic adaptation or increased

glucose demand (such as those who are preterm, small for gestational age or who have experienced significant

intrapartum hypoxic/ischaemic stress, those who are ill and those whose mothers are diabetic) (5) if their

blood sugar fails to respond to optimal breastfeeding or breast-milk feeding.

Maternal conditions that may justify permanent avoidance of breastfeeding

􀂄 HIV infection1: if replacement feeding is acceptable, feasible, affordable, sustainable and safe (AFASS)

 

Maternal conditions that may justify temporary avoidance of breastfeeding

􀂄 Severe illness that prevents a mother from caring for her infant, for example sepsis.

􀂄 Herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1): direct contact between lesions on the mother’s breasts and the infant’s mouth

should be avoided until all active lesions have resolved.

􀂄 Maternal medication:

- sedating psychotherapeutic drugs, anti-epileptic drugs and opioids and their combinations may cause side effects

such as drowsiness and respiratory depression and are better avoided if a safer alternative is available (7);

- radioactive iodine-131 is better avoided given that safer alternatives are available - a mother can resume

breastfeeding about two months after receiving this substance;

- excessive use of topical iodine or iodophors (e.g., povidone-iodine), especially on open wounds or mucous

membranes, can result in thyroid suppression or electrolyte abnormalities in the breastfed infant and should be

avoided;

- cytotoxic chemotherapy requires that a mother stops breastfeeding during therapy.

Maternal conditions during which breastfeeding can still continue, although health problems  may be of concern

􀂄 Breast abscess: breastfeeding should continue on the unaffected breast; feeding from the affected breast can

resume once treatment has started (8).

􀂄 Hepatitis B: infants should be given hepatitis B vaccine, within the first 48 hours or as soon as possible

thereafter (9).

􀂄 Hepatitis C.

􀂄 Mastitis: if breastfeeding is very painful, milk must be removed by expression to prevent progression of the

condition(8).

􀂄 Tuberculosis: mother and baby should be managed according to national tuberculosis guidelines

Will the people with the Streisand fetish please step forward?

Sorry. I'm about to out you, you sick bastards.

I happened to take a gander at my blog's stats this morning, and now I'm sitting here laughing my ass off at what sort of traffic I've managed to attract.

In case you're not aware of what information you can review for web traffic statistics, it breaks down to referring sites, URLs from those sites, and what keywords were entered into a search engine that eventually led visitors to your site.

Care to guess what search phrase has been drawing a surprising number of people here?

"streisand ass"

No, I'm completely fucking serious.

People are entering "streisand ass" into Google, and coming up with a link to this blog.

STREISAND ASS? WTF you guys?

If I laugh any harder, I'm going to need new pants.

I would imagine that those two keywords (entered together as "streisand ass") are pulling up the link to this post about the Kardashians, how fake they are, and how different people look with the right makeup. I happened to pull up a few celebrity photos in which said celebrities were not wearing makeup, and one of them happened to be Barbara Streisand. I'm morally certain without even looking that I wrote the word "ass" in at least four or five places.. hell, it was a fairly long post, after all. I've been known to toss some asses about, you know.

Let the record state that I never said anything about Barbara Streisand's ass in particular.

You people and your sick fucking fetishes. HAHAHA. I love you. I love you, you nasty Streisand ass worshipping freaks. Keep coming back, I'll find something else to tickle you with, I'm sure.

Barbie and Ken - Gone With The Wind Edition (1)

I live in the South. Not the gap-toothed, pig-brain eatin', squirrel-huntin', marry-your-cousin South (been out of Mississippi for four years and ain't lookin back!!!!), but Southern enough that I am surrounded by Southern Belles, cluttering up the social scene with their giant hats, skirts, and attitudes.

Southern.
FUCKING.
Belles.

Okay, they might not have the hats and skirts, and women everywhere can be bitches. You don't have to be a Southern Belle to be a giant pain the ass. In the South, there are quite a few "Neo-Belles" that have modernized exactly parallel to Reconstruction.

Take a drive through anywhere that's NOT Atlanta, GA and see how well "reconstruction" pulled shit together for the South.

ANYWHOO... The new Southern Belles are comprised of a hint of Stepford Wife, a dash of Southern Charm, several pounds of pageant-level makeup, a sprinkling of acrylic nail-tips, and a bitchy helping of pure cunning. They're prepared by baking them in a tanning bed to a delicate beige (or the spray-on, no bake version), and are usually presented with garnishings from high-name fashion labels, mainly purses and shoes, that individually cost more per item than most people pay monthly for auto insurance.

Where I live, there are things a lady doesn't do. Preferably, she doesn't swear, smoke, go out of the house without full makeup, fail to accessorize, laugh too loudly, understand adult-themed jokes, have anything other than a conservative political viewpoint, talk about (or understand) that political viewpoint very often, have hair colored too brightly, have tattoos, have piercings anywhere but her earlobes, initiate conversations, have anything unpleasant to talk about, eat til they are full, or drink ANYTHING but wine, and lots of it.

After all, it's WINE. It's fuckin' classy.

What a CATCH for you guys! What a charming little lily she must be! How feminine! How strong in that femininity, yet delicate and in need of protection! YOUR protection! Just having a little slice of Georgia Peach pie on your arm like her, your life will be set! You can take THIS one home to Mom, Dad, and your Pastor!

Of course, with all that "fiddle dee dee" and such, comes a few side effects. Despite the grooming and manners that leave this woman a visually appealing, seemingly inoffensive cyborg, at heart she's still human. Imperfections are going to seep through and build up in the seams. When the Maybelline-reinforced dam breaks, the facade will crumble, fully and irreparably tarnished in a flood of chardonnay, mascara, and foundation. Much like how you'd envision a wet fart escaping both a corset and a hoop-skirt...

See, this is not a way to live. This is a mode of female behavior that is positively reinforced by men. I'm not saying that women are blameless in this, but come on y'all.. IT WORKS. EVERY GODDAMN TIME. This milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! DAMN RIGHT, it's better than yours! What's the harm, right? Life is about compromise and balance, so isn't it great to have a partner that compliments and reinforces the gender role you idealize?

Well, not really... because it's not real.  We are living in a postmodern world, so no one does any of the work that used to come along with these gender roles. If they did, we wouldn't have so many deadbeat dads, take-out or instant "meals", or kids getting each other pregnant in middle schools. The man who is supposedly the head of the household and the stronger of the couple isn't actually in charge of anything at all, and he knows it. As far as I can see, he never actually has been, which is why it DIDN'T WORK and we all were supposed to take more responsibility for being whole people after the women's movement.

This is a dated ideal of femininity that we can see in our previous generations, like our mothers and grandmothers. Think back.. your dad or your grandfather probably got away with running his mouth a hell of a lot more often than a man would be able to do in today's world, and that's not a trend that anyone really wants to return. Even those guys of you out there who will complain about the "feminization" of society will have to agree.. no one enjoyed having to endure dad's hissyfit about the dishes (that was about everything in his life BUT the dishes) while mom waited it out, only to leap to action the second he left the room in an effort to restore the tone of the household after he got done being a blowhard. That scenario is perhaps a bit specific, but I'm sure that most of you, male or female, could relate with a similar recollection of inappropriate aggressive behavior from your dad.

Mom may have worked too, but of your two parents, she was probably the most likely to remember all of your allergies, food preferences, phobias, interests, and how much it ACTUALLY cost to feed, clothe, house, and medicate you. If you want to delve a little deeper, she was probably in charge of the household finances, food, schedule, and social events. Yet, despite being at the reins in all of these important aspects of family life, she never did the one thing that you would have given up all your birthday money for.. No matter how out of touch, incorrect, or unreasonable your dad's outbursts might have been, somehow there were never any real consequences in place to make that guy shut the FUCK up and knock it off. There was an APPEARANCE, perhaps, that Dad ran the show.. what with Mom listening to whatever crazy shit flew out of his mouth and making an effort to treat it as though it were somehow relevant to something on this planet.. but maybe that's what she put up with in order to keep him working and making more money that she could delegate to the household.  In retrospect, I don't think either one of them looked particularly happy with the arrangement, but they sure as hell kept it going..

All of that being said, recalled, and cringed at.. I'm not here to vilify men and fathers. Not at all. It's not entirely their fault. While your mom sat there and took it, she was storing up currency in her emotional-blackmail savings account, which (instead of demanding his ass to cash the check that his smart mouth wrote), she would spend at a later time of her choosing to admonish him into doing something or other that she wanted him to do. Meanwhile, there are kids living under terrorism in the middle of this ongoing war, never sure where their loyalties should lie or what the hell is going to happen in the next five minutes.

All because Scarlett would rather be a painted doll who could blame all the bad decisions on Rhett, because he's always been in charge, and Rhett didn't want anyone around who could challenge his fragile ego or tell him how to behave.. even if he really needed to hear it. For some reason, people are under the delusion that it's far easier to absolve yourself of responsibility for your life and what you bring or allow into it, rather than to take the risk that Rhett really WON'T give a damn and go off into the sunset, piss-poor attitude in tow. God forbid, Rhett go out and meet someone who tells him he's totally full of shit and he can behave or move on. Sheesh.. it's like you expect someone to mature or something..

WHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

Oh yeah.. a woman alone is incomplete. If, as a woman, you render yourself helpless to stand up for yourself or go get your own drink, then I guess you are incomplete without a stronger personality around who can cover your ass. It's also a lot easier to pretend to be a strong personality when you have someone next to you who both builds you a fan club and seems to enjoy disappearing into your shadow.

It's not specifically anyone's fault. As much as I'm grateful for the feminist movement, we've still got a long way to go. Making men the enemy doesn't really help anyone out, and making women perpetual victims and martyrs has lead to nothing but self-esteem issues in both genders. Men need to have their own movement, and it really doesn't need to be about dominance, aggression, or anger. It also doesn't need to be a big self-stroking religious organization like the "Promise Keepers", where you have the ego security of a whole lot of men patting themselves and each other on the ass for not fucking around on their wives, like it's some huge freaking effort to keep your dick in your pants.

Guys, we know you have feelings. If you didn't care about things, you wouldn't get so pissed off about them. It's kind of a human being thing. Don't sweat it. There's nothing wrong with you if you want to hug the baby a little longer or keep a cat. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't, either. The problem isn't feeling something, its in getting angry because you feel something. Then you're just being a dick, and who the hell wants that around? A lot of you are trying to figure out exactly what you're supposed to be doing in a relationship these days, since it's plain to see from any sitcom, news story, or magazine article that you sure as FUCK shouldn't be model yourself after your dad. You probably didn't need to read or watch anything to figure out that you didn't really want to repeat a lot of what he did, anyway.


Feminism is a political ideal that demanded equal pay for equal work, a woman's control over her own body, and various other equalizing measures that were and are needed so that a woman has the same ability to support herself and her family as a man does. Time has proven that women can do the things outside the home that men can do. One of the most well-known activists of the feminist movement, Gloria Steinem, has been making the media rounds lately, promoting gender equality. Her message is that society recognizes that women can do what men can do, what we DON'T recognize is that men can also do what women can do. They can be just as nurturing and loving and sensitive as women have a reputation to be.

It takes a lot of balls to admit it if you have issues with anger or expressing yourself. It takes a lot of balls to get help and to say you were wrong. I'm sorry that a lot of us girls are using that against you, too. Because, yeah.. it's definitely happening and its a widespread problem.

I don't think there's a woman out there who wants society to regress back to a point that restricts her freedom, but there's an awful lot of you bitches running around, pretending that you're Scarlett O'Hara to snag a man. Like I said, it works. Scarlett doesn't have to bring much beyond her makeup bag and her acting skills to the table, and Rhett can sit comfortably by without direct challenge and with a pretty belle on his arm. Only now, Rhett Butler doesn't dare tell you he doesn't give a damn and leave, because he knows that he hasn't been paying you enough attention and that he was probably mean and scary. He doesn't walk out of your life and let you get along alone, because he knows he was probably insensitive. It's easier to just pay for your cellphone and shut your ass up, because at the end of the day, he was probably MORE wrong than you were. After all, look how upset you are.. how helpless you are. You're not like the other women out there.. you're.. delicate. You don't even swear! However will you hail a cab by yourself?! How will you get out and meet anyone else when you've spent so much time on him, the schmuck who was so lucky to find a real LADY in these complicated times! You only drink wine, not liquor, like those other rough girls out there.

PS: Girls, the label says "Arbor Mist", not "Arbor Monsoon". A drunk bitch is not a class act, no matter what she drank to get there.

So why won't we just freakin' stop already? We're playing games that aren't any fun and, over time, leave everyone miserable. What results from this bullshit are unreasonable expectations and dishonesty. No one's getting anything that they want, because they don't KNOW what they want and because no one is who they seem to be. What's worse is that we are probably closer than we've ever been to equality and understanding between the sexes, and for every step forward we take, someone finds a way to glamorize the concept of kicking us all back into the dark ages.

Ladies, give a man a noble purpose with you.. not an outdated, bullshit one. Let him meet your ACTUAL needs, not the ones you pretend to have to boost his ego. Southern Belles treat men like rabid possum that they need to lure into traps.. traps with merciless steel teeth that are hidden cleverly beneath those fucking hoop skirts. Once they trap him, they have to break him down with steady conditioning until he either snaps or shuts the hell down, soullessly compliant to commands. At that point, she deems him insensitive and boring.. which he is, because she's declared herself victimized by every feeling he's ever expressed, to the extent that life just became easier and he had less reason to hate himself if he just did what he was told, when he was told to do it.

Now, men who are cheering at this and doing chest bumps or whatever... what the hell were you doing to prevent this from happening to you? Did you go out there and meet an attractive, intellectually stimulating woman who can bring something to your life, or did you go find a pretty little thing that made you feel needed? I know there are women reading this who think I'm the most self-hating woman alive, but I'm not. Thank you, I like me very much. What I don't like is watching women treat men like animals, handle them like animals, and then run around all shocked and appalled when they end up acting like animals. I don't like watching men chase after women who don't have anything worthwhile to talk about, for the simple reason that they don't ever have to feel like anything less than her superior. Worse still, none of these behaviors are going to change until everyone accepts the fact that there's a difference between the desire for a romantic relationship and its actual necessity.

I don't know anyone who intentionally seeks out unhealthy relationships like these. No one has a plan to fuck up a partnership, for themselves or anyone else. After you've bounced in and out of a few, it might be worth a serious look at exactly what mistakes you're repeating. It's not rocket science to figure out that if there are elements to the relationship that make you uncomfortable early on, they're only going to get worse if they go unchecked. Humans are like any other mammal, and us mammals are ALL about the path of least resistance. If there's no reason to change, why should we?

So, Scarlett.. if Rhett has committed some unforgivable slight against your honor, either ditch Rhett's ass or shut up. If you don't want to be treated like a whore, quit letting him buy your forgiveness with actual money or goods (like jewelry). What you call "forgiveness", he sees as "right to tap that". Speaking of which, Rhett.. you need to quit buying her shit to solve your relationship problems. You dumb bastard. The interest rate goes nowhere but up, and she's been depreciating since you drove her ass off the lot. One day you're going to wake up and be pissed about it, and by that point, it's your own goddamn fault for not putting the screws to it early on before she'd invested enough of her time in you that she has the right to demand retribution for your outburst.

And so the cycle of anger-prone fathers and passive-aggressive mothers continues...